Today had been a long day. Six months pregnant with baby number five and working 12 hour shifts as a Physicians Assistant in the ER took a lot out of you. As you were walking up the steps of your brownstone all you wanted was a hot shower, and the chicken parm you were told was waiting for you. But most of all seeing your boys and Sonny.
You heard the music before you unlocked the door. “Is that Miley Cyrus?” you said to yourself. You dropped your bag on the floor in the foyer. You heard your husband’s tone deaf, Staten Island voice singing along to Party In The USA. You continued to the family room where you found him dancing and singing with your four boys, Ryan 6, Thomas 4 and the twins Nicholas and Ethan who had just turned 2 the previous week. You covered your mouth to stop the giggle from escaping. Your heart was overwhelmed with how much you loved them. As you absentmindedly rubbed your ever growing belly, you thought back over the last year and a half.
It had been rough for Sonny, to say the least. First having a gun to his head, which still gave you chills thinking about how close you were to losing him. You’ll never forget him coming home that night. You insisted he get help but he kept telling you was ok. Then came the incident of the suspect slipping from Sonny’s grasp. Last was the car accident where a victim died. Sonny felt responsible. Liv or anyone from the station didn’t seem to think it was an issue. “He’s strong.” ”Don’t worry about him.” “He’ll get over it.” You couldn’t believe what you were hearing.
He had been depressed and was suffering from PTSD but didn’t recognize the symptoms. You did. The mood swings, loss of interest in hobbies, distance, nightmares, and anxiety. After a couple heated arguments and tears from both of you he finally went to a therapist. One day he slipped his arms around from behind, put his hands on your pregnant belly and whispered “Hey little meatball, you got yourself one smart Ma here.” He then kissed the top of your head and nuzzled his face into your neck. “Thanks Doll. Ya always seem to know what I need, even when I don’t.”
You brought yourself back to the present. He had made so much progress in the last 6 months since the accident and starting therapy. You were so proud of him. It’s not easy asking for help, especially when it was you that people came to for help.
As the chorus started again, you joined in. That got their attention. “Mama!!” You had four sets of little arms around your waist and legs. Sonny padded over to you with a ridiculous grin on his face that showed off his dimples. You would never get tired of that smile. “Hi Mama” he said and leaned down to softly kiss your lips. “Hi Daddy”, you replied. He placed his hands on your belly, “How’s my lil buttercup? Man, feels like she’s dancin’ in there!” “Oh, believe me I feel it”, you laughed and placed your hand over his.
The boys started pulling at your other hand and saying, “C’mon Mama, dance with us!” Sonny took your hand and pulled you to him, “May I have this dance?” You giggled and said “You will have every dance for the rest of my life.” He lifted you up and gave you a passionate kiss. You started laughing against his mouth as you heard “ewwwww” from the boys. Sonny chuckled, sat you down and the dance party continued.
Sonny was in the bedroom when you got home, half buried in the closet as he got out of his suit. When he finally turned around to greet you, your stomach clenched. He’d mentioned something about a haircut, but this you weren’t expecting. Sonny usually kept his hair longer on the sides, preferring to leave it ungelled over the weekend with you because you knew how much he loved it. This though? This was like hipster heartthrob hair—in a suit, no less. “Sonny,” you breathed in greeting as you took a step forward and reached out a hand to comb through the sides of his hair. “Hey, doll,” he greeted with a self-conscious smile. “My guy tried something new. I look like one of those guys that wears glasses ironically and only shops at Whole Foods,” he said wryly as you stepped closer to him. You shook your head, still a bit speechless and feeling stupid over how knocked for a loop you were. “You look like a fucking babe,” you told him earnestly as you ran a hand through the top. He ducked his head and his cheeks flushed. “You’re just saying that. I look—” he started to dismiss, but you cut him off by grabbing one of his hands. Pushing it up your skirt you tugged your panties aside so that he could feel the slickness there. Your eyes fluttered shut as his fingers found purchase, Sonny always knew what to do with his hands, even when he was feeling unsure. “I feel kinda stupid getting this hot over it considering we’re like, gross married people now, but, ah,” you inhaled sharply as his fingers started to move. “As you can feel. I’m not ‘just saying’ anything. I love this haircut. I want to marry it. I want to marry you,” you told him breathlessly. Sonny smirked down at you and chuckled lowly. “We’re already married, doll. You just said so yourself,” he murmured as he dipped in to kiss you for the first time that evening.
You gripped a hand tightly at the base of his neck, fingers struggling to find purchase in the short hair there. “Let’s have ‘my husband is the hottest person on the planet and I feel like I’m going to combust’ sex?” you suggested against his lips and you felt him smile. Pulling his hand from under your skirt and ignoring your whimper he started to walk you backwards towards the bed. “That I can definitely oblige. I need to go by and give my guy an extra tip tomorrow,” Sonny said as the back of your knees hit the bed and you sank down on it. “Hell, I’ll give him an extra tip,” you huffed as you ripped your top off and tossed it somewhere to your left. “Nah. Would hate for one of the other guys with this haircut to catch your eye and elicit this kinda reaction,” he teased as he tugged his shirt off and tossed it in the direction of the trunk at the end of your bed. “The fact that you can still say words like ‘elicit’ means that you’re not doing your job,” you told him darkly as your bra joined your shirt over the side of the bed. “Oh yeah?” he panted as he pushed his pants off in one motion and toed out of his socks. “What job is that?” he asked with faux innocence. “Fucking me like the fuckboy you look like with that haircut. Dominick,” you added his proper name after a short pause and his eyes darkened and he growled before attacking your mouth. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. Dom’s going to take good care of you.”
She laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and gotten drunk on it every night, he would have.
Leigh Bardugo – Six of Crows
What Sonny thinks of your laugh.
One year after So It Begins. Angsty but whats new for our Sonny. Sorry in advance.
Standing in the kitchen preparing dinner, you heard the lock jiggle. Knowing it was Sonny, a big, goofy grin spread across your face, even though he was late. You ran into the living room only to find your boyfriend with his shoulders slumped and a look of total devastation on his face. The blue eyes that are usually filled with mirth, were dark, sad and you knew he had been crying. As you approached him, he grabbed you and pulled you into his chest. He was hugging you so hard that it took your breathe away. You squeezed him right back and nestled your face in his chest. He leaned down and buried his neck in the crook of your neck. You could feel his body shake with quiet sobs. In the year you had been together you never saw him fall apart this way.
Finally he let his grip of you loosen but just a little, still holding you close.Soon after, the sobs slowed. You looked into his troubled face. Something bad had happened today but what and to whom, you had no idea. He usually called and talked about his day, good or bad, but there had been radio silence today. You pulled him over to the couch. He put his head in your lap and you stroked the back of his head waiting for him to start talking.
After he took a couple shaky, cleaning breaths, he began. “It was supposed to be a routine traffic stop. This car was weavin’ back and forth over the yellow line. We hit the lights and sirens, he finally pulled over. We ran the plates, came up stolen. We got out and approached the car. Iverson to the driver side and I hung toward the back on the passenger side. The driver jumped out of the car. He had a gun. Before I knew it he got a shot off. I pulled my gun and shot, took him down. I knew he was dead. I radioed officer down as I was running to Iverson.” He paused and another set of sobs racked his body. You froze and looked down at Sonny. In that moment you knew exactly what happened.
He continued, “I held pressure to Iverson’s neck where the bullet went through. Oh God, doll. I held my partner, my best friend in my arms and watched his life slip away. I failed him, I didn’t have is back. My first thoughts were to his parents, Sabrina and the baby. Them having the Chief come to their door saying ‘We’re sorry but…’ My next thought was you.”
He looked up at you and suddenly sat up. His lips crushed into yours and he pushed you back on the couch, covering you with his body. His hands were everywhere, like he was trying to make sure you were really there. “I need you doll. Move in with me. Marry me. I need you. I need to fall asleep with you in my arms every night and wake up looking into your warm, brown eyes every morning.” A breathless “ yes” was all you manage to say before he delivered bruising kisses. The rest of the night he lost himself in you. All the bad from the day faded away, at least for a few hours.
I remembered that this happens tonight and I am currently freaking out again.
I can’t take what they are doing to him. It’s like they are trying to cram too much pain and trauma in too short of a timeframe. Our poor noodle boy has got to have some serious PTSD.
SVU addict 