Homicide, that’s what you’d thought when you woke up in a hospital bed. It was your first thought – after all, you were convinced you’d killed your attacker and you knew for sure you’d be put on trial for his death. Manslaughter would have been better, but no one would believe that you’d hadn’t spent time thinking of ways to kill Ryan Keller. Justifiable homicide? Maybe, it was an option. You rubbed your eyes and looked around the room, wondering if it would be your last glimpse of freedom. Clearly, you’d spent too much time talking to Sonny – Mr. Ipassedthebar Butdontpracticelaw. Law was never cut and dry.
“Good, you’re awake.” A white lab coat over green scrubs was talking to you. “I’m Doctor Castillo. How are you feeling?”
“Okay, I guess,” you offered and tried to sit up, but felt an unusual pain in your stomach. Wincing, you pulled the blanket away and your top up to see a massive bandage. “What happened?”
“You were stabbed during the struggle,” she explained, noting a few different things on your chart. “When you’re feeling up to it, there’s a few people here to talk to you.”
“Sure, thank you, Doctor. I’m fine.”
Doctor Castillo left, and Lt. Benson walked in, a frown on her face.
“Looks like we just can’t leave you alone, can we?” she asked with a small smile. She was always so good at making you feel like everything was fine, even if it wasn’t. “How’s your injury?”
“I think it’s fine. I just woke up, truth be told, and I’m confused. What happened?”
Olivia filled your cup with ice water and handed it to you. “Drink, you need to stay hydrated. Tell me what you remember.”
You took a sip and thought back to the last thing you recalled before waking up in the hospital. “Ryan was in the apartment. I called Sonny. He said he knew. I.. I was scared, because he said he was there to finish what he started. He said his wife was the sister of a guy that Sonny busted for human trafficking. He choked me, I stabbed him with a make up brush.” You stopped and laughed, despite how inappropriate it was. “I ran, I wanted to hide. He kept saying that if Sonny came in he was going to kill him. I was in the closet, in the hall, hiding and he found me. He was beating me, I couldn’t breathe..” you sighed and looked around. “Then I was here.”
“Good, good. You’re only missing a little piece,” Benson comforted. “The injuries you sustained match your story. What happened, Y/N, was that during this struggle, you used a knife to stab Ryan Keller ten times in the chest, face, and stomach. Somehow, during this fight, the blade of the knife ended up in your body, as well. They’ve run tests to ensure that you didn’t contract any diseases from the cross contamination. Keller is coming out of surgery now. Sonny said you thought you killed him, but you did not.”
“That’s a shame,” you replied flatly and continued sipping your water. “He broke into the apartment when Sonny was gone, and.. he texted Sonny from my phone.”
“His fingerprints were all over the knife, the bathroom, your phone, everywhere. He planned his attack on you. I don’t believe there will be any push back on self-defense.”
You nodded slowly and looked over at her. “What about his wife? Mia?”
“We picked her up as a co-conspirator. She’s at Rikers, and likely won’t see the light of day again for a long time.”
“Thank you, Olivia. Honestly, for everything.”
She smiled her normal warm smile and stood up, exiting your room. A few minutes later Sonny walked in, hesitating in the doorway. “No matter how much time he gets, it’s not gonna be enough.”
“Next time I’ll kill him, then.”
He laughed quietly and walked to you, sitting on the side of your bed where his hand found yours. “I was worried sick about you. I was here all night and all day waiting to get the okay to talk to you.”
“I’m alright, Sonny. I really am fine.”
“I’m sorry I left. I.. I know you’re gonna tell me not to blame myself but I do, for leaving you.”
“You went to the market, love. It wasn’t like you left me for months on end again.” It was a low blow, but you wanted to get your point across. “On the phone, you told me you knew that he was there. How did you know?”
A grin tugged at his lips, causing his eyes to squint slightly from the amusement on his face. “When I got a text from you that said hi baby can you please pick up Indian food? I’m craving it I knew it couldn’t be you. You don’t call me baby, and you hate Indian food. I knew something wasn’t right.”
“Let Burnette work that out. This is part of your case, and though it happened in Manhattan I know Stone’s gonna be fine working with Burnette. He’ll push for maximum punishment and hopefully skip Rikers and send that bastard to Sing Sing for as long as possible.”
“Ryan said some weird things before he attacked me. Or, well, I guess while he was attacking me,” you said suddenly, changing the subject. You didn’t care where he went or how long he went away; it wouldn’t be enough regardless.
“Like what?” Sonny inquired and filled your cup back up with water.
You nodded in thanks and took a sip. “He said that he thought you were sleeping with his wife but he couldn’t prove it, but that’s why he wanted to ruin my life, to ruin yours. He said that he knew you’d been out with her and that he knew you’d been at least somewhat intimate but he said he couldn’t prove that you had sex. I feel like I need to know the truth, and you know I’m gonna know if you’re lying.”
“I know you’ll know.”
“Don’t dance around this one, Sonny. I dance way better than you.”
“Alright.”
“Sonny. Come on,” you groaned, feeling yourself growing angry with him.
He sighed and stood up, pacing the small area of your room. “You saw us that night on the platform, I know, and I know I don’t know how you felt, how bad that must have been. The sick feeling in your stomach, it had to be ten times worse than how I felt when you caught me. I know it wasn’t right. Undercover or not, I shouldn’t have let it go that far. Yeah I was lonely, I missed you, I craved the attention of another human being,” he began, his face flushing red in embarrassment. “I was trying to get her to open up to me, and part of my way of doing that was obviously what you saw. Making her feel comfortable with me, getting her to trust me. There was one time, only one time, that things escalated. We didn’t have sex, but it was close, Y/N. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, how you must be at home in bed, crying, wishin’ I was there, and I’m fucking asshole for ever leaving you like I did.”
Your face had contorted in a look of anger and disgust, leaving you at a loss for words. Finally after a few long seconds you opened your mouth, a squeak leaving your throat. Eyes brimming with tears, you inhaled sharply and stared at him. “You have no idea what that was like. Tell me, Sonny. What happened?”
“She went down on me. I never came, I swear I didn’t. We were interrupted and I’m thankful that we were.”
Your brimming eyes flooded over and you began to sob, causing your heart rate to increase so suddenly that it set alarms off. “What did you do? Did you return the favor later?” you demanded, trying to swing your legs over the side of the bed to get up. Sonny came over and tried to keep you on the bed, placing his hands on your shoulders. It was a rookie move, so to speak, because if gave you an advantage: you slapped him across the face and pushed him away. “Did you?!”
“No, I didn’t, Y/N,” he snapped, rubbing his cheek where your hand had just seconds ago landed.
A nurse ran into the room and nearly pushed Sonny out of the way to get to you, forcing you to lie back down as she checked your blood pressure and heart beat. “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Yeah, alright, but I’ll be back,” he muttered before walking out slamming the door.
“I’m trying to forgive you, Sonny, so don’t touch me. Don’t even look at me,” you hissed. Sonny was only trying to help, but you’d rather see him burnt at the stake than accept his help right now. You’d been discharged two days ago and had no choice but to return to the home you once shared. If it was awkward before, it was worse now. Not only was it a home that once held so much love, it was now the home that you’d almost murdered someone in. What a wonderful description for the next renter to read: blood and lust and love.
“At some point you’ve gotta get your head outta your ass,” he retorted, leaving you stunned. He was right, yes, but he didn’t need to put it so bluntly. It was fair though, considering the verbal lashings you’d given him over the past few days. Sure, it was terrible that he’d been intimate with another woman but he was undercover, and while you knew it was no excuse, you wondered if there were exigent circumstances that would have lead him to behave the way he did. Maybe it was a situation where if he didn’t show some sort of physical contact he would be outed as a rat. You wanted to know, but had no courage to ask.
You stared at him in shock before pursing your lips together to prevent anymore harsh obscenities from leaving your mouth. Sonny knew he had finally gotten your attention, but he had no idea what to do with it once he had it.
“I’m sorry, doll,” he murmured. “Maybe we’re too screwed up to get back to normal now.”
“What?” You were suddenly aware of what was happening. A slow motion train wreck you couldn’t look away from even if you had tried.
“I just don’t know that this is gonna work. I love you, but I can’t help thinkin’ maybe this just isn’t gonna work anymore.”
“You..you’re breaking up with me?” you questioned, heart racing. “Oh.”
“Isn’t that what you want? You want an out, here you go. You got it. I won’t stop you if that’s what you really want, Y/N.”
The silence that filled the room was only interrupted by your footsteps as you stood up and walked down the hall. Sonny had just broken up with you, only a few days after you’d nearly killed someone in his apartment. It seemed fair, after all who wants a could have been murderer as their.. well, you weren’t really anything. You couldn’t be broken up with if you weren’t actually dating anyone.
He walked in as you were shoveling your clothes into the same suitcase you’d used months before to leave, when you’d left him a letter in hopes that he’d find it and understand his transgressions.
“What are you doing, Y/N?” he asked with a long sigh. He was mentally exhausted and so were you. It was a wonder it’d taken as long as it had for you two to snap.
“I’m leaving, Sonny. We aren’t actually together, if you think about it, so we’re not breaking up. You’re just gonna have less shit in the way,” you explained, pulling clothes off hangers in the closet.
“Stop.”
“Stop what? Giving you what you want?”
“You’re the last person who has any idea of what I want. I don’t even know what I want. But I do know what I don’t want, and I don’t want you to go anywhere, so don’t leave me.” His voice cracked, a noise you’d never heard before.
You glanced over your shoulder at him and realized that for the first time in your entire life, you’d made a man cry. The realization made you feel worse than you already did, and you had no idea how to approach fixing the situation.
“Sonny.. I-I’m..” you paused, unsure of where to go with your next few words. “I don’t wanna go. I want to stay with you, but only if it’s not going to make things worse. I’m angry at you, you know that, and it’s not even your fault. I just don’t know where to go from here and I need you to help me.”
He wiped his eyes dry with the backs of his hands and pulled the clothes from your hands, tossing them on the bed. “Then don’t go anywhere. I can’t be without you. I know I was wrong for what I did and I’m never gonna forgive myself, but if you can even come close to letting me back in, I swear I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that you never feel alone or unwanted ever again.”
You sniffled and nodded, burying your face against his chest and holding him so tight that you thought you might hurt him. Despite having been with him every day and night, it was the first time you’d actually opened up and let him back into your personal space for more than a few seconds. “I’m gonna do my best, too, Sonny. No more undercover work, please, at least nothing that involves you leaving for such a long amount of time.”
“Deal. And no more Brighton Beach for you,” he countered, kissing the top of your head. “And try not to stab anyone else, okay?”
-I’d like to see Peter direct a Sonny centric episode that deals with how Sonny has processed his recent traumas (near death experience, seeing someone fall to their death & the car accident)
-I’d like to see Sonny GO TO A THERAPIST. PLEASE, LORD GET MY BABY SOME HELP.
-I’d like to learn more about Sonny & delve into his personal life and family. what’s the story with his parents? why did he not see his niece Mia until after 3 months?
-I’d love to learn more about why Sonny pursued a career in law enforcement (we know from earlier interviews that his character originally was supposed to come from a lineage of cops, but did that background ever change?)
-I wanna see him flirt more 🙂
-I’d like to see the squad call him Sonny
-I’d like to see him with Noah and Jesse more. Nick’s mom babysat Noah a couple of times, so I’d like to see more of that with Sonny
-in general I’d love more team building with the squad and seeing them rib each other or have inside jokes and just be more cohesive
-more blue shirts 🙂 more gun on his hip 🙂 more badge flashes 🙂 more supermodel striding around 🙂
-more of that camel coat
-give us a leather jacket! more leather jacket! more henleys!
-more casual clothes!
-Sonny’s apartment! what does his space look like?
-I’d like to see him in a relationship (obvs I’m pretty biased to it being with Carmen or detective Holliday or a black woman in general… *shrugs*) or going on dates. also, what is his sexuality?? can they just make him bisexual and be clear about it
-more of Sonny driving because I have a thing for men driving
-I’d kinda like to see Sonny defend himself and just once call out people for talking down to him or being rude to him for no damn reason
-I still wanna see him apologize to Amanda for being an asshole that one time
-I’m not adverse to seeing him punch more people 🙂
-give us more of that fuck boy haircut that I’m literally still not over
-Sonny saying ‘doll’ since apparently he’s never actually said that??
-more lawyer!Sonny
-does Sonny have friends? or a life outside of work? can we get some inkling of what he does other than cook Jesse pasta and study law books…
-more of Sonny in those undercover glasses (remember that canonically he is an ass man :D)
-Sonny’s hobbies. what are my man’s hobbies?
-more of Olivia praising Sonny. my boy is so smart give him that sweet praise, please!!!
Peals of laughter filled the air as Ryan and Thomas ran through the sprinkler. Ethan was napping on a blanket in the shade beside you. The thought occurred to run through the sprinkler with the boys, but it seemed like too much work to move.
You spotted Sonny before the boys did. He had shed his jacket and dress shirt, leaving him in an undershirt and dress pants. Goodness, he was a sight. Slightly greying at the temples, long, lean body..that’s what got you where you were, nine months pregnant with baby four, with baby three only 11 months. Now you were irritated for no reason. Rolling your eyes, you turned your attention back to the boys.
“Daddy!” Ryan and Thomas exclaimed as they ran across the yard to greet Sonny. He scooped them up, not caring a bit that they were soaking wet from the sprinkler. “C’mon Daddy. Play with us!”
“Give me a minute. I wanna say hello to your Mama.” He sat the boys down then sat in the deck chair beside you. “Hey, doll. How’s my favorite girl and little cannoli doin’?”
Looking at him over sunglasses, you gave him “the look”. “Well, let’s see. Where to start. It is hotter than Hell, and here is” a little fun fact for you. It is the hottest Summer in history. Um, our A/C is broke and they can’t work on it until Monday. My feet are swollen, I can’t sleep, and I’m sweating in places I didn’t know a person could sweat. Oh yeah, and I’m a week overdue and by the time he is born, he’ll be a toddler. I think that about covers it.” You pushed your sunglasses up the bridge of your nose and took a drink of ice water.
“Sounds like the heat is gettin’ to ya,” Sonny said evenly, not letting your bad mood effect him. He had been down this road with you before. The end of your pregnancies was always tough Although this pregnancy was tougher since you had just had a baby less than a year ago.
“Something like that.” Placing a hand on your huge belly, you turned your attention back to Ryan and Thomas. Ethan whimpered as he woke from his nap. As you started pushing yourself forward in an effort to stand, Sonny, placed a hand on your arm, pausing your ascension.
“I got him.” Sonny gracefully stood from the chair. It surprised you sometimes how graceful he could be despite being so lanky. Ethan grabbed on to Sonny’s pant leg and pulled himself up. Sonny bent over, picked him up and then rested his head on Sonny’s shoulder. He gently rubbed Ethan’s back.
“I’m going to head back inside and lie down,” you informed Sonny. “I can’t take this heat anymore.” Sonny helped you from your seated position. “Not like it’s going to be any cooler inside though,” you grumbled, waddling onto the house.
“Stop it!” “Give it back!” “I’m telling Dad.” Ethan screaming at the top of his lungs. “Keep it down. You’re gonna wake your Ma.”
‘Oh for Heaven’s sake,’ you thought to yourself. Sitting on the side of the bed, you took a deep breath and pushed yourself off the bed. The arguing and screaming were coming from the family room. Standing in the doorway with your hands on your lower back you waited. “Hey! Everyone needs to stop right now! Sonny can’t you keep them in line for 10 minutes, Jesus.”
Sonny stared at you for a few seconds, looking wounded. It wasn’t often you raised your voice to him and never to the kids. “Sorry, doll. Ethan needs to be changed, but these two started fighting. I was trying to stop them from being loud and waking-”
“Well, it didn’t work. Did it,” you bite back at Sonny. “Give me the baby. I’ll change him. Ryan. Thomas. Rooms. Now.” Ethan snuggled into your chest, legs hanging on either side of your belly. He quieted almost immediately. “I can’t tell you how helpful you’ve been. I love that I have to do everything around here,” your voice laced with sarcasm.
There was little said between you and Sonny during dinner. To be truthful you felt pretty damn bad. He tried his best to help you out when he was home. Looking across the table at Sonny made you feel like an even worse if that was possible. He tried to be happy with the kids. But the tight lines around his eyes and thin smile told you another story.
After beds and baths for the boys, Sonny went to the home office and you went to bed so you could prop your feet and read a book. He came into bed shortly after you did though.
“Sonny?” You said softly.
“Hmm?” He kept his back to you. “What did I do wrong now?” His shoulders sagged in defeat.
Ouch. “I’m sorry for earlier. You didn’t break the A/C. You can’t control the weather. I was horrible to you. The boys are so lucky to have you for their father.” Taking a deep breath you continued your apology. “ There are days that I can’t keep them under control. And you do help, a lot. I love you. I’m just so, so sorry Sonny.” Shifting to your knees, you crawled toward Sonny and wrapped your arms loosely around his neck.
He covered your hands with one of his. “Thank you for the apology.” He turned in bed, wrapping you in a hug. “I love you so much, Y/N.” His fingers trailed along your jaw. He grasped the back of your neck, pulling you in for a kiss. “You know,” Sonny said between kissing your mouth, neck and down the angle of your shoulder, “sex can stimulate labor.”
“Is that right? Why don’t we put that theory to the test.” You pushed Sonny down on the bed, then straddled his hips.
“It also helps with foul moods,” Sonny gave you a teasing grin and rocked his hips up to meet yours.
Sonny gently carressed your exposed skin. He was uncomfortable but seeing how peaceful you were there was no way he was going to make you move.
Studying your sleeping form he pondered how you could sleep in such awkward positions. A smile crossed his face. After years of kids sleeping across the bed, feet in the face both of you had learned to adapt to whatever position kept you on the bed. His hand strayed to your hair that was wild and soft.
Sonny closed his eyes, saying a silent prayer of thanks for you and the kids. You turned over in your sleep pushing your back to his side. Rolling over he gathered you to his chest. Pressing a kiss to your head he finally closed his weary eyes, pushing the darkness away.
as for teasers…I think I have the next part of the cartel drama w/ Nick & Felipe unfolding this week if we’re lucky. and I kinda wanna get back to Sonny & Discord drama too
…as a reminder, in our ‘current’ timeline we have: Lawrence suspicious about Kevin’s death and knowing Razor was involved, possibility of ATF coming to town, off and on zoning issues with the parlor (that Fin & Diego both do their part to help), Olivia & Amanda setting up extra security at the parlor, Olivia & Amanda setting up extra security at Nick’s house, the issue with the Aryan brotherhood still simmering (with Sonny & Nick), the issue with the Caballeros temporarily squashed, but still simmering (with Sonny & Nick) [Caballeros tried to take out Sonny & Nick in the early day of the parlor, if you remember, and they were also instrumental in the plot to take Discord & Guardianes & Bastard’s old ladies in order to push into the town and disband the 3 club alliance) and 2 weddings coming up.
& also…someone gets assaulted, someone gets killed & someone is a rat. in case you wanna know some more plot points I have in mind. 🙂
pumpkins! also, I don’t remember if bella was having a boy or girl so…
//////
“What’s all this?” you asked Sonny as you gestured to the pumpkins and plastic bags sitting on top of the kitchen counters.
You were slightly out of breath from walking up the stairs, you’d think after several years you’d be used to your fifth floor walk up, and you unwrapped your scarf from around your neck absently. Sonny’s back was to you and the scent of something aromatic was filling the kitchen and wafting into the living room.
“Hi, doll,” Sonny greeted as he stirred something in front of him before turning to look at you over his shoulder. “We’re carving pumpkins!”
You shed your coat and toed off your boots before coming closer to him. He turned his face for a kiss hello and it deepened for a moment before he pulled away. You brushed your nose against his cheek and wrapped your arms around him, letting your eyes shut for a few moments as you inhaled the faint scent of his cologne still lingering by the neck of his shirt.
“Mmm, hi. Missed you,” you murmured. “Who is carving pumpkins?”
“Agreed to watch Luke for Bella and Tommy so that they can have a date night. They’re doing well,” Sonny answered. “Figured we could carve pumpkins and pump Luke full of sweets before we return him back to his parents.”
You could hear Sonny’s smile in his voice and you shook your head a little before pressing a kiss to the top of his shoulder and pulling away. You crossed the kitchen to rummage through the bags. It looked like Sonny had purchased everything in the Halloween crafting section of Michael’s. You brought out a bag of black and orange feathers and waved them around with a raised brow.
“Well…technically Luke is too small to carve anything, right? Figured we could also maybe decorate? Do a little of both? You and I carve and Luke can paint or glitter or glue on feathers,” Sonny answered your unasked question with a little shrug.
“Great idea, Sonny,” you told him warmly. “Although…I think you have enough here for ten children.”
“I’m his uncle, it’s my job to spoil him,” Sonny answered with a wide smile. “I’ll spoil you, too, don’t you worry. Go get in comfortable clothes, dinner will be ready in a few.”
“Yes, sir,” you answered with a shade of mocking in your tone as you let the feathers drop back into the plastic bag of craft supplies with a crinkle. Sonny reached out to aim a sharp slap on your butt that had you yelping at the sting.
“If you’re good I have a treat for you after dinner,” he said with a slight leer and wink. You wiggled your butt at him one more time, just narrowly escaping his second slap, before you headed to the bedroom as you laughed.
“I’m knitting you a hat!” nonna Carisi announced in a thick Italian accent.
The video quality was going in and out, but you could hear her clearly. She had insisted on wanting to try video chat so that she could talk to you both at the same time. Every since you had come back from Italian you had been keeping in contact with her, sending her e-mails, physical mail and reminding Sonny to call her every couple of weeks.
“Nonna, was that for me or Sonny?” you asked with a slight frown. The two of you had been talking about how cold New York was currently, but Sonny was usually the one she sent clothes to year ‘round.
“You, cara mia. It is too cold for a flower like you! Is Sonny taking care of you?” she asked, aiming a pointed look at Sonny to your right.
“I am! I promise, nonna. Breakfast in bed on the weekends, plenty of hot chocolate and I make her wear gloves every day,” Sonny defended. You leaned your head against his shoulder with a soft smile.
“It’s true, nonna. He takes very good care of me. We’ll go a vacation to some place warm in a couple of months when it gets really cold,” you assured her. She harrumphed and leaned back in her chair. The picture crackled and froze for a moment before syncing back up and distantly you heard the wind whistling around the bedroom window.
“Well good. But I’m still going to knit you a hat. Both of you,” she replied with a little sniff.
“Can’t wait to wear it,” you replied warmly. “But don’t worry about us. We worry about you all alone in that house.”
“Ah, I’m fine! Carisi women, we are very strong willed,” she replied proudly. Sonny snorted and you jabbed him in the ribs with your elbow. “And that little neighbor boy, Nico, he has been checking on me. Every time I turn around—bam!—there he is. I suspect my grandson put him up to it.”
She regarded Sonny suspiciously and you bit back your smile and turned your face slightly into Sonny’s flannel clad shoulder. The worn in cotton was soft against your face and it smelled just faintly of firewood. The smell reminded you that you two needed to get out of the city for a weekend and spend time at the cabin.
“I just want to make sure you’re taken care of,” Sonny replied with a raise of his hands. “Besides, I figured you wouldn’t mind having someone to boss around every once in awhile.” You glanced up at Sonny and his eyes twinkled with mirth. Shaking your head at him you pressed a quick kiss to his mouth before turning back to the laptop.
“Eh, I do not boss! I simply instruct clearly. It is better to be clear than not clear,” she replied with an unconcerned shrug. “Anyway, I must be going. Nico will be here tomorrow, no doubt, and I want to see what around the house I can have him do in order to be helpful. You take care of each other, hear?”
You and Sonny nodded as you smiled. “Absolutely. We promise. As long as you let Nico help you out, okay?” you replied. She waved you away, but smiled nonetheless.
“Sì, sì. We talk soon. ¡Vi amo!” she said with a little wave.
“¡Ti amo!” you and Sonny both replied with waves of your own before signing off. You shut the laptop and allowed Sonny to wrap his arm around your waist.
“We have a pretty great family, huh?” he asked, voice muffled against your head.
“We really do,” you replied with a smile as you stretched up to kiss him.
This filled my fluff craving!
[From: Sonny 10:35AM] I mean seriously, doll. It just never ends.
SVU addict 