“I just can’t do it anymore, Sonny.” Tears stung your eyes. “I have tried and tried to help you. You’re either snapping at me and the boys or ignoring us and honestly I don’t know which is worse.” The tears were flowing down your cheeks now. 

Sonny just stood, motionless, not speaking. His face blank, no sign of emotion. “What do you want me to say? I’m sorry.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“That’s all you have to say? I’m standing here telling you I’m leaving and I’m taking the boys with me. All you have to say is ‘sorry’? Well I’m sorry too, Dominick. Sorry I didn’t walk out that door months ago.” You grabbed your bag, opened the door and slammed it behind you.  

---

He called every night to talk to the boys. And every night he asked to talk but you refused. The only text you answered was asking if he could pick the boys up Friday and take them for pizza.

Your dad knocked on the bedroom door. “Hey kiddo. Sonny’s here. He’s getting ready to take the boys for dinner.”

“That’s good. I know they’ve been excited about seeing him.” Your voice was small, you looked up at your dad. 

He sat down beside you on the bed. “He’s suffering, you know. He wants to talk to you.”

“And I’m not? Does he think this has been hard on just him, hmm? The time for talking was months ago when I begged him to”, your voice was shaky at best.

Your dad held his hand up, “I know. I get it, but he is reaching out. Maybe you should grab a hold.” He stood and kissed your cheek. “Think about it kiddo.” He turned to walk out of the room.

You could hear the boys laughter and Sonny’s voice as you descended the stairs. You stopped  on the bottom step. His Staten Island accent made you feel homesick. A lump formed in your throat, but you pushed it down. Taking a steadying breath you walked into the living room.

The sight of Sonny made your heart skip. His hair perfect, as always, he was dressed in jeans and the black Henley you loved. The same shirt you wore to bed countless times.

He stood up, from his stooped position and met your stare. “Hi. How are you? you look good”

“Fine. Thanks. You?” Your voice was flat. It felt so awkward talking to him. “Hey boys. Come give Mama a hug.” You stretched your arms out and they all hugged and kissed you. 

“I’ll have them back by 7:00. C-can we maybe talk when I come back?”, he asked.

“Sonny I-” but you were’t able to finish.

“Please”, he implored. “Just give me five minutes.” His eyes were bleak, sad, but had a glimmer of hope.

‘He’s reaching out, maybe you should take a hold’, your dad’s words echoing i your head. You stared at him, “Okay. Yeah. We can talk.” 

As promised, Sonny was back at 7:00. “Hey guys! Did you have fun?” All four chattered excitedly and showed you their prizes from the games they played.

“C’mon boys. We’re going to make S’mores outside. Pappy made a fire” your mom told the boys. They followed her outside. Leaving you and Sonny alone. Why did it feel so strange to be alone with him.

“Want to sit down?, you asked gesturing to the couch.

“Actually, there is somewhere I’d like to take you.” He stood in the doorway, scratching the back of his head. It was something he did when he was nervous.

Your eyes stayed trained on him, you crossed arms over your chest. You let out a sigh, “I’ll grab a jacket.”

As you were  walking down the front steps, he placed his hand at the small of your back. It made a shiver go up your spine. God you miss this man’s touch more than you ever thought you could. He pulled his hand back, “sorry, just a reflex”, he said. He walked to the car and opened your door, ever the gentleman. 

It was a quiet drive, music playing quietly on the radio. Neither of you spoke, but it wasn’t an awkward silence. The suburban lights faded away to the darkness of the countryside. Sonny pulled over and cut the engine. After Sonny got out of the car he came around and opened your door.

 “Remember this place?” He asked gently. He reached for your hand, your fingers lacing together perfectly. The feel of his skin warming you.

 You nodded, “Our first date. We came to watch a meteor shower.” You smiled, gazing up at him. You knew you would marry him that night. You studied his profile, the one you knew like the back of your hand, the one your sons would have. 

“And watched the sun come up”, a meloncholy smile crossed his face.

You stopped causing Sonny to pause. You reached up and touched his face, he leaned into your hand. “I’ve missed you, Sonny. So much.” 

“I don’t want to you lose you”, his voice raspy. He grabbed you and pulled you to him. His scent a mix if mint, cologne and a hint of leather invaded your senses. “ Doll, you and the boys, are my reason for being. Without you, nothing makes sense. I need you. The house is so quiet it’s deafening. Our bed is cold. I can’t sleep because you’re not there. Your head isn’t on my chest, I can’t feel your soft, warm skin.” He’s tears were flowing freely now. “I just want, need you home.”

You leaned back, “Dominick, shhh…hey, listen you’re not losing us.” You gently scratched the back of his head. He lifted his head to look at you. Pausing you took a deep breath, “We’ll come home. But you have to get help. And not just for us, but for you, Okay?”

Sonny nodded his head, “I’ve already started seeing Dr. Lindstorm.”

“That’s great, Sonny”, you acknowledged him.

He leaned to kiss you but stopped, “Can I kiss you?” he asked. Not wanting to push you.

“Yes, please” and you grinned. Sonny gave you the sweetest, softest kiss imaginable. You eyes fluttered open. 

“Wanna star gaze?” he asked.

“Only if we can watch the sun rise”, you replied.