I have always been a fan of everything you write, but the Heartfelt Passages AU is unbelievable. The love, emotion, and story is beautiful. Cannot wait for the next installment. Great work!

Thank you so much for the love! I appreciate you! I love their story as well.

Peter showed up at your door at 7AM. He was always true to his words. He had his arms full. In one hand he had a tray of drinks and in the other was a brown bag with the logo of your favorite bakery. “Hope you don’t mind I brought the kids a smoothie.”

“Here let me help you.” Taking the brown bag you peeked inside and found Peter bought a variety of Danish and muffins. Once in the kitchen, you sat the bag down. “You didn’t have to bring anything. I was going to make breakfast. I did invite you.”

“It’s not a problem. Here.” He passed you a tall cup.

When you opened the lid you inhaled the wonderful smell of hazelnut and fresh coffee. “Mmm..thank you.”

“Kids up yet?”

“No. They’ll-”

“Petey!” Cora said and ran to him. He scooped her up and held her in the air making her giggle. When he lowered her she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. He hugged her to his chest and cradled her head with his hand. When he looked at you his eyes were glistening. Peter sat Cora on the counter and gave her the smoothie he bought for her. She happily sipped on the straw.

You and Peter exchanged looks. It seemed like you knew what the other was thinking. “I’ve missed you so much,” Peter said.

“I’ve missed you too, Peter.” A smile crossed your face.

“Peter?!” Isaac sprinted to him, then held his fist out for a bump. “Can we throw the ball later?”

Peter looked to you and you nodded your head with a smile

After getting Cora and Isaac settled at the table with their breakfast you joined Peter at the counter.

“Thanks for inviting me over. I want to apologize for my behavior at Nick’s. I don’t have a good excuse for why I punched him. I acted like an adolescent. I’m sorry for any embarrassment I caused for you,” Peter said.

“Thank you for the apology. He did kinda deserve it though,” you added around a smile. Picking up your cup you took a sip, glancing over at Peter you saw he was looking at you. “I have a confession,” you started. “I’m a liar and a coward.”

Peter raised his eyebrows. “How so?”

“That night you told me you loved me it scared me. Instead of coming to you, I ran away. When I said I didn’t love or want to be with you, that was a lie. I thought I was protecting myself and the kids.” Your gaze went to the kids who were still sitting at the table enjoying their smoothies. Turning your attention back to Peter you said, “they adore you, Peter. So do I.”

Peter took your coffee cup from your hand and sat it on the counter. He took your hands in his. “Y/N. You already know how I feel. I’m head over heels in love with all three of you.” This time it was your eyes glistening with tears. Peter tilted your chin to look into your eyes. “This is all in your hands. We’ll take things at your pace.”

“You are amazing Peter Stone.” Leaning in you softly kissed Peter.

“Ewww!” Isaac and Cora chimed in with giggles.

You and Peter smiled against one another’s lips. “We’ll pick this up later,” he whispered in your ear.

Present Day

“Mom! We’re ready to go!” Isaac yelled through the house. You had just finished packing and was zipping the suitcase when Peter walked through the bedroom door.

“Early morning flights shouldn’t exist,” you whined.

Peter chuckled. “It’ll be worth it,” He took the suitcase off the bed and carried it downstairs with you following behind him.

Peter loaded the luggage while you made sure lights, the coffee maker was off then set the alarm. Once in the car and on the way to the airport, Peter said, “I can not wait to get them on the slopes.” Peter had a big grin on his face.

“That will be pretty cute. I have to admit.” Peter had brought up the idea of a ski trip to Vail. It sounded perfect for this time of year. Thankfully both of you were able to finagle a week off.

The flight had been an absolute nightmare. Cora’s ears hurt making her cry and only Peter was allowed to hold her. You experienced the worst case of airsickness ever. Isaac whined about being bored. Peter took it all in stride.

Finally making it to the cabin you had rented for the week, you dropped your carry on to the floor and collapsed on the couch. Isaac ran in the cabin behind and started exploring, claiming his room for the week. Peter carried Cora through the door and laid her down on the couch next to you. You snuggled her close to you. She smelled like her strawberry shampoo with a hint of Peter’s cologne. Smiling you closed your eyes for just a second.

“Hey. Y/N? Wake up.” Peter’s soft voice roused you from your nap.

“I wasn’t sleeping,” you mumbled.

Peter chuckled. “No. Of course not.” He sat beside you on the couch and rubbed your arm. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah. That was rough. I have never been that motion sick before.” You sat up snuggling into his side. “What’s the plan for the evening?”

“Well, I thought we could go to the lodge for dinner, then come back watch a movie with the kids. After they’re asleep maybe, uh, get in the hot tub.” He nuzzled your hair then kissed your neck.

“Petey. I get drink?” Cora asked as she ran into the room.

He smiled against your neck. Standing up, Peter picked Cora up. “Airpane,” she said. Peter held her up in the air and she “flew” into the kitchen. Isaac wasn’t far behind asking Peter to make chocolate milk. It was widely known, well in your house at least, that Peter made the best chocolate milk.

“Hey. I’ll take a glass too,” you said as you walked into the kitchen.

“Reservation for Stone,” the host called out. “Right this way.”

The four of you followed the host to a round, wooden table by the fireplace. “This is nice and so cozy.” Looking around your counted two other fireplaces. The other patrons were a mix of couples and families.

After ordering drinks you and Peter conversed while Isaac colored and Cora played with her dolly. Peter was excited to take you and the kids on the slopes tomorrow. He had taken you and the kids for snowsuits, hats, gloves, goggles prior to the trip.

“What?” Peter asked when you couldn’t stop smiling.

“I’m just happy. And I love hearing you talk about something that gets you so excited,” you explained.

“I’m very happy too,” Peter returned with his eyes locked with yours.

“Peter Stone.” A woman’s voice brought you back to the present. “What are you doing in Vail?”

“Stacy.” He stood and greeted her with a small hug. Stacy was about 5’10” at least, slender, long blonde hair that laid in perfect curls down her back, perfect smile and a set of breasts that even you couldn’t help but notice. “I’m vacationing with my family. This is my girlfriend, Y/N, Isaac, and Cora.” Both looked up and grinned.

She looked at you and the kids over with a confused look.

“Nice to meet you,” you stood and shook her hand.

“You as well,” she replied.

“Is Scott here? I’d like to say hi.” Peter asked.

“Oh, yeah. He’s at the bar. We were waiting on our table,” she answered.

“I’ll be back. Can I get you anything Y/N?”

“Vodka and cranberry, please.”

He kissed your cheek and made his way to the bar.

“So, how do you and Peter know one another?”

“We dated a few years ago,” Stacy replied. “We worked at the same firm until he went to work as an ASA.”

“What type of law do your practice?”

“Criminal defense. What line of work are you in?” she asked.

‘I’m an ER nurse.”

She nodded her head. The two of you shared an awkward moment of silence.“Your children are beautiful.”

“Thank you. I think they’re pretty great.”

“Never thought of Peter as the father type,” she remarked.

You cocked your head to the side. “You couldn’t be more wrong. Peter is a wonderful dad.”

“But their not even-” The look you gave her shut her up. Stacy narrowed her eyes at your comment.

Peter rejoined the group. His smile faltered when he saw your face. “Here you are. Oh, looks like our dinner is arriving.”

Stacy took the subtle hint and sauntered back to where she came from.

“Stacy says you two dated a few years ago. Said you broke up after you went to the ASA office,” you stated while you helped Peter make hot cocoa and put cookies onto a plate.

He furrowed his brow. “We did. But that’s not why we broke up.” Peter took the pan of milk off the stove and poured it evenly into the four waiting mugs.

You gave him a look to continue his story.

“She wanted different things than I did,” he explained simply.

“And that would be…”

“Marriage. Children. But I didn’t. Not with her anyway.”

“No wonder she was so taken aback by the kids,” you concluded.

“What do you mean?” Peter asked. Leaning against the counter he gave you an expectant look.

“She said you weren’t the father type. I told she was wrong, that you were a great dad.” Shrugging your shoulders, you turned to the refrigerator to grab the whipped cream. When you turned back to Peter he had tears in his eyes.

He put his hands on your hips. “You-you really think that? I mean…”

Reaching a hand up you cupped his face. “Yes. I do. Your love for them is evident. You make them laugh, console them when they’re upset and comfort them when they’re sick. If you haven’t noticed, they absolutely adore you, Petey.” You gave him a wink.

He chuckled at the use of Cora’s nickname for him. He sniffled a little. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Giving me a family.”

Oooh. How about things slowly but inexplicably deteriorating between Peter and his girl, then she is busted for drug possession. He realizes their problems have stemmed for her addiction but he wants to work through everything, especially since he knows what it’s like to struggle with substances thanks to his alcohol binges. Girl, hit me with that!

“Want to catch a movie later?” Peter asked.

“Actually I’m going out,” you answered without looking up from your phone.

“What did you have in mind? We haven’t been out in a few weeks.”

“Not we, me. I’m going to a restaurant opening with Megan,” you replied back in a snarky tone.

Peter crossed his arms. “Would be nice to go with you. I hardly see you anymore.”

“Yeah? Who’s fault is that?” Brushing past him you walked to the bathroom to do your hair and makeup. You still had a limp and pain from a torn ACL repair over a year ago The injury had ended your dancing career. Another surgery was inevitable since PT and meds weren’t working.

“You’re blaming me?” Peter raised his voice as he stalked into the bathroom behind you.

“I’m not the one who canceled plans at the last minute. You’re not the one who was sitting at a restaurant for an hour then not showing. I didn’t forget your birthday and I sure as hell didn’t forget our anniversary! So yeah. I’m blaming you, Peter.” The look on Peter’s face looked like someone smacked him across the face. It almost made you feel bad. Almost.

Once Peter was out and the door was closed you finished getting ready. The apartment was quiet when you came out to get dressed. Peter was gone, thankfully.

“Where have you been? It’s 3am,” Peter’s low voice startled you.

“Out. And I know how to tell time,” you replied.

“I called Megan. She said that she left at 11pm and you were still there. She thought you were heading home no long after her.”

“Well I decided to stay longer,” you said with slightly slurred speech. Kicking off your heels you slowly made your way to the bedroom. The pain in your knee was excruciating. You hoped the pills you got tonight would help. Digging through your purse, you found the bottle and popped a couple in your mouth. You slugged back a drink of water then finished getting ready for bed.

“Who were you with?” Peter demanded as he watched you finish getting ready for bed.

You slipped one of his T-shirts over your head spinning to face him. “None of your business. Just like it was none of my business when you didn’t come home a few months ago.” You poked your finger in his chest.

Peter looked at you in disbelief. “What does that mean?”

“Don’t play dumb with me Peter. I know you fucked that brunette you met at the bar. Sonny said you didn’t stop staring at her all evening.” And that should have bothered you, but it didn’t.

“What the hell were you doing talking to Sonny?” he boomed. “Is that who you were with tonight? Did you screw Sonny?”

You met his gaze, narrowing your eyes. “Yes. I went home with him and we fucked every way you can imagine.”

Peter clenched his jaw. His fists balled up this side. “You…I can’t believe you…”

“Well believe it. And it wasn’t the first time either. And don’t act all high and mighty with me Peter Stone, you cheated first,” you shot back.

Peter grabbed your face, kissing you hard. His other hand grasped your ass and pulled you close to him. You pulled back. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m going to remind you who you belong to,” Peter husked. His hand slipped into your panties.

“Ahhh…” you gasped when his fingers slid through your wet folds. “Remind me then.”

Peter elicited a growl from low in his throat before he pushed you onto the bed.

You and Peter barely spoke, but that didn’t stop the two of you having sex. Sonny was getting to needy and clingy so you ended the affair. The pain your knee caused was getting worse and you were turning to harder pain medications you bought off the street. Oxy’s were your drug of choice but you’d take Perc’s, Vic’s smoke marijuana, but you never got into the hard stuff like heroin or cocaine. That stuff scared you. You basically existed on pain meds and alcohol.

Work was tedious. You had to take temp jobs as a receptionist. Knowing you’d never dance professionally again put you into a deeper depression.

It all came to a screeching halt one evening when you were on your way home from work. You stopped by the local bodega for a bottle of wine and to buy more pills from the guy who worked the counter.

As you walked out you were stopped by a plain clothed cop. “Ma’am. Let me see the bag please.”

For a second you froze, then everything Peter had told you to do if you got stopped or arrested came back. You handed the bag over to the cop who passed to his partner. He pulled the bottle of pills from the bag. “That’s funny. You don’t look like a Sam.”

The cop behind your grasped your wrists and put the cuffs on, tight. “Ma’am you’re under arrest for illegal possession of narcotics. Anything you say…”

“Y/L/N. Your bail has been posted. You’ll be given instructions about your court date,” the officer informed you.

You were given your belongings and walked to the entrance. Peter was standing with his hands in his pockets waiting for you. He rushed to you when he spotted you and pulled you to his chest. “You came.” Tears spilled down your cheeks. Your arms wrapped around his waist.

“Oh, my darling. I am so sorry.” He kissed your head as he rocked side to side. “I saw the signs but I-”

“Not your fault,” you sniffed and squeezed him tighter.

After getting home you showered. You wrapped yourself in a big, terry bathrobe and went to the kitchen where Peter was fixing a late dinner. “Smells good,” you commented.

Peter gave you a small smile and gestured to the stool at the counter. “It’ll be done in a couple of minutes.”

“So, we should be able to get you a plea bargain since it’s your first offense,” Peter explained as he looked over the charges after dinner.

“Okay,” you said in a small voice. Your attention was to your fingers in your lap.

Peter tilted your chin so you had to look at him. “I know you’re scared but I’m going to be with you every step of the way. You’ll get through this, I promise.” Peter saw so much of himself in you. He knew all too well about addiction.

After all was said in done you plead guilty to a misdemeanor. You were given suspended jail time, a $1000 fine and court-ordered rehab. Thankfully Peter knew a good lawyer.

One year later…

“Tonight we are going to recognize Y/N. She has been clean for a year. C’mon up,” your sponsor announced. The room broke into a round of applause.

Peter squeezed your hand then kissed your cheek. “I’m so proud of you. I love you so much,” he whispered in your ear.

“I love you too,” you replied with a smile.

When you got to the front of the room you took a deep breath. You had told your story many times before but each time was like the first. “On this day a year ago, I was sitting in a cell in the early stages of withdrawal. My addiction to pain medications, preferably oxycodone, started a few months prior. I was a professional dancer and I tore my ACL which ended my career. My first surgery was a failure. My pain got worse, I was depressed, unable to do one of the things I loved most and my relationship with my boyfriend was deteriorating…”

“You are amazing you know that?” Peter said as the two of you laid in bed after making love. Over the past year, you and Peter had grown so much as a couple. He was right beside you through court, withdrawals, rehab and continued to be your rock.

Couples counseling helped to rebuild your relationship as well as attending church together again. You both admitted your affairs and mistakes you made in the relationship. Peter shared his story of addiction and how it took one false accusation to make him see the light.

“You ain’t so bad yourself,” you replied then kissed the tip of his nose.

Peter grinned. He pushed a lock of hair from your face. “Marry me.” It was a request, not a question.

Your eyes widened, your mouth went dry and you forgot how to talk. Finally, you were able to squeak out, “I love you. Yes. Of course, I’ll marry you. ”

Peter cupped your face and gave you a tender kiss. He then rolled over and pulled open the drawer of his nightstand. When he turned back you, he opened the Tiffany blue box. A stunning diamond solitaire was nestled inside the black velvet.

“Oh my God. Peter. It’s gorgeous!”

Peter pulled the ring from the box and took your left hand in his and slid the ring on your fourth digit. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life loving you.”

I know you said Peter is packing and the Reader was shocked the first time they were together. Could we hear more about their first time?

Peter lightly traced the warm skin on your arm. Peter suggested a night in. You made dinner together, then retreated to the couch to watch a movie. Although, there wasn’t a lot of movie watching. After two months of dating the two of you had yet to make love. The make-out sessions were growing more intense and you weren’t sure how much longer you could resist.

At the beginning of your relationship, you and Peter decided to take things slow. Both of you had a bad breakup with your last relationship.

You threw your leg over his hips to straddle his lap as you continued to kiss him.. Slowly you moved your hips to get some friction. Peter flexed his hips up to meet yours. You could tell he was well endowed just by feeling his erection through his sweats. His hands traveled under your shirt and ghosted up your sides slowly pushing your shirt over your head. Your fingers thumbed with the hem of his shirt before you got a good hold of it. You broke free from his lips long enough to tug his T-shirt over his head. Your hands ran over his muscular chest. Meeting his eyes you smiled in appreciation.

Peter pushed hair behind your ear that had escaped your messy bun. “You are so beautiful,” he whispered. His thumb ran along your bottom lip then his hand traveled to the back of your neck. “Be with me tonight.”

“Yes,” you answered simply. Peter grasped your thighs and stood with your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck he carried you to the bedroom. He playfully tossed you on the bed causing you to giggle.

“I love that sound. I can’t wait to hear the sounds you’ll be making soon.” Peter’s demeanor changed from playful to sensual. Peter’s warm, wet lips slowly kissed up your body. His tongue swirled around your belly button, then resumed his ascension.

Your body bowed as your fingers grasped on to his short hair. Peter reached under your body helping you to a seated position. With deft fingers, he unclasped your bra and slid it down your arms tossing it aside.

“Your body is amazing,” he marveled before taking one nipple into his mouth and gently sucking.

“Oh, God.” You felt the pull all the way to your toes. Biting your bottom lip you reveled in the feeling of Peter’s mouth and hands on your body. He laid your back on the back and tugged gently on the band of your shorts and panties. You lifted your hips to accommodate.

Peter glided a hand up your leg to the inside of your thigh. His fingers inched to swipe through your wet folds, inserting a finger into our opening. You sucked air through your teeth.

“Mmmm…” Peter said as he removed his fingers and pooped them into his mouth. You thought you might explode right there.

Sitting up you grasped Peter’s sweats then looked up to him for permission. The look in his eyes was unmistakable. Slowly you pushed his pants off his hips, not breaking eye contact. Once his pants were off your looked down. “Holy shit,” you thought to yourself. Peter was not only long but thick too. Not scary big but…damn. You dipped your head down and licked the precum from his tip.

His erection twitched making you smile. Peter hissed through his teeth. “Are you sure about this?” He murmured.

“Absolutely,” you confirmed.

Peter opened his bedside table and pulled out an unopened box of condoms. He took one from the box and passed it to you. Using your teeth you ripped the packet open and removed the condom. You slowly rolled it over his cock. Leaning back on the bed you crooked a finger at him. He climbed onto the bed.

“Tell me if it’s too much or if I’m hurting you, okay?”

You nodded in the affirmative.

Peter lined with your entrance and slowly pushed in. A loud, low groan escaped your throat. You felt so full. “Peter, God…feels so good.”

He covered your body with his. His face rested in the crook of your neck. He hooked one of your thighs around his back. “Y/N, you feel just as good as I thought you would.” He moved at a slow steady pace. “ No one had ever been able to take me as completely as you. Making love has never felt this good.”

“Ahhh..I-I agree,” you whispered into his ear as he continued to rock into you.

Christmas writing prompts

smackingtalk:

Hey! So since it’s Christmas soon I’ll be taking requests from the list down below! Feeling free to use if you want but give credit!!

1. “Merry Christmas bitch”

2. “How many Christmas lights does one person need?”

3. “Shut up! Santa is real”

4. “Why does the house smell like Santa threw up?”

5. “Roses are red, violets are blue, merry Christmas bitch, I love you”

6. “Oh my god I haven’t got you a present!”

7. “It’s Christmas today?!”

8. “No seriously I swear I saw Santa”

9. “Omg it’s a fucking reindeer”

10. “This tree’s bigger than my future”

11. “Why do you have playlist with just ‘all I want for Christmas is you’ and ‘last Christmas I gave you my heart’?”

12. “No you don’t understand I need a picture with Santa!”

13. “I can’t reach the top of the tree to put the star on.”

14. “Oh how convenient, some mistletoe”

15. “Let’s binge watch Christmas movies!”

16. “I can’t believe we’re going to A&E on Christmas Eve”

17. “Do you wanna build a sno-“ “no don’t you dare finish that”

18. “SNOW BALL FIGHT!”

19. “You murdered my snowman”

20. “I don’t like hot chocolate”

21. “Christmas isn’t just about the presents”

22. “You look like this ginger bread man”

23. “Go to sleep, Santa isn’t real”

24. “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas”

25. “Did you just put fake antlers on the dog?”

26. “I love Christmas more then anything” “what even more then me?”

27. “It’s official I hate Christmas shopping”

28. “I can’t ice skate I’ll break all my bones”

29. “Don’t you dare buy me that”

30. “Stop smashing my ornaments”

31. “That is the ugliest decoration I’ve ever seen”

32. “You’ve burnt the turkey?!”

33. “Thoughts on Brussels sprouts?”

34. “Fuck it let’s just get drunk”

35. “I don’t know how to wrap presents”

36. “This is the worse and best Christmas ever”

37. “Honey, where is my Santa suite?”

38. “I don’t think we can fight Santa”

39. “What no that’s not daddy, that’s Santa”

40. “Oh so we’re putting beer out for Santa now?”

41. “I can not believe our car broke down in the middle of nowhere 3 hours before it’s officially Christmas.”

42. “I hate work Christmas parties”

43. “What do you mean you’re working on Christmas?!”

44. “Babies can’t eat mince pies”

45. “You look like an elf”

46. “The babies crying, the foods burning, the dogs are fighting and your calling me to see what time my family’s coming at?”

47. “I don’t like spending time with your family at Christmas”

48. “I refuse to have a baby on Christmas”

49. “How many advent calendars does one person need?”

50. “I’m freezing, you’re warm. Hug me”

Send me some prompts! Please include the whole prompt with your ask!

Conversations-A Heartfelt Passages fic

Kissing your fingertips you pressed them to the cold granite and looked up at the sky. It was just starting to become light but it was grey with a promise of rain. Your gaze fell back to the words etched in the granite. The same words that would be forever etched in your mind. Kneeling down, you traced the letters of Mike’s name with your forefinger. Loving husband, father, son and brother. Mike’s life summed up in six words.

“Isaac is going to play soccer this Fall. T-ball went really well so we’ll see.” Placing a hand on the headstone you pushed yourself up. “He’s becoming quite the athlete. And, uh Cora, she’s taking swimming lessons. Swims like a rock, just like you.”

Shaking your head, you chuckled a bit. “I know get to why I’m really here.” Taking a deep breath you continued. “So, I told you about Peter. The thing is I love him. And that scares me honestly. The last time I loved someone like that…” Taking a deep breath you steadied yourself. “He adores the kids, and they are crazy about him.” That thought actually made you smile. “He loves me but I pushed him away. The thing is it feels like I’m betraying you by loving him.”

“I thought I was the only one to come here this early.” The voice startled you.

“William.” You wiped tears from your eyes. “Hi. I, uh was just, uh…”

“I talk to him a lot too,” he confessed with a small smile. He was quiet for a minute, his brow furrowed. “You know what Mike wanted more than anything? He wanted you, Isaac and Cora to be happy.”

“I know. It’s what I wanted for him too,” you replied softly.

“The happiest years of Mike’s life were the ones he got to spend with you and the kids,” William said.

Starting to sniffle you pulled tissue from your pocket and wiped your nose. “I didn’t think I could be happy again, not like I was with Mike. Or love someone again…”

“But you have with Peter. Your love for Peter doesn’t negate the love you had and shared with Mike.”

You turned your eyes to his. “Yeah but pretty sure I’ve made a mess of that,” you laughed mirthlessly.

“Talk to him. Hear one another out. What you and Mike had was special that doesn’t mean you can’t or don’t deserve to have that again.”

“You’re right. I’m going to go. Let you have your time.” You hugged him tightly. “I love you, William. Thank you.”

“Love you too kiddo,” he responded then kissed your head. As you were walking away William said, “Anne will be texting you to come over for dinner. Bring Peter.”

You smiled and nodded. “I’ll do that.”

The things that usually help you sleep, hot bath, sleepytime tea, a glass of wine, weren’t working tonight. 2AM. Maybe if you would have called Peter like you said you were going to do for the past week you would be able to sleep. Thankfully you didn’t have a shift and would be able to have a chill day at home with the kids. Sitting up you remembered Mike’s letters. He had handwritten letters for almost every event in your lives. Everything from after your first date to present. Some for even after he passed. There were separate ones for the kids as well. How he ever found time to write them you didn’t know but you were thankful he did.

Throwing the covers off, you switched on the bedside table lamp. The letters were kept in a large manila envelope in your nightstand. Thumbing through the smaller envelopes you found the one you were needed to read. After putting on your reading glasses you opened the envelope and removed the letter.

You ran your fingers over the paper that had been indented with Mike’s heavy handwriting.

My dearest Y/N,

I’m just going to say it. It’s okay to fall in love again. I know what you are thinking right now, “how could Mike even think I could love anyone else.” And right now you’re smiling and shaking your head because I’m right. Y/N, you deserve to love and be loved. And yes, I know what else you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. In no way are you betraying or belittling the love and life we shared.

Whoever it is that has won your heart must be a pretty good guy to take you on. I’m joking, well kinda, haha. Seriously, he needs to know about your Harry Potter obsession, that you “don’t snore”, how you like your eggs, that bacon is your preferred breakfast meat, that you eat pineapple on your pizza (insert eye roll), that you never make the bed, leave the lid off the toothpaste and think that taking a multivitamin means you don’t have to exercise.

The most important thing he needs to know is your capacity to love. I have never met someone that loves as completely as you do. How passionate you are about your patients and your career. That you would do anything you could if it meant our children didn’t have one day of sadness. When you love someone you’re all in.

It also means he has taken on the responsibility of helping you raise our children. That takes a special person to love children like they’re his own. Which brings me to my next point. I will always be their Daddy, their father, but if the day comes that they call him Dad, it’s okay. That is if he has earned it. It’s not just about being apart of the fun things. It’s being there through the up all nights because they’re sick, the tantrums, the days when they’re being extra sassy.

This letter was actually the easiest of all of them to write because if you’re reading it, that means you have found happiness again. And that’s all I have ever wanted for you and our children.

Love, Mike

You folded the letter back up and held it to your chest. It gave you a sense of peace reading Mike’s words. Glancing over at your phone on the nightstand you picked it up and tapped out a text to Peter.

[To: Peter 2:25AM] hope this doesn’t wake you. I’d like to have you over for breakfast. I miss you.

Your phone pinged almost immediately.

[From: Peter 2:26AM] I’d love to have breakfast with you. I’ve missed you so incredibly much. Does 7AM work?

[To: Peter 2:28AM] 7AM is perfect. Can’t wait to see you.

[From: Peter 2:30AM] neither can I.

Saving Stone

“Mr. Stone?” The judge raised her voice a little. “Counselor? Are you ready for your cross?”

Peter shook his head. “Uh, your honor. I’m requesting a recess, please.”

“Fine. It’s close to lunch anyway. We’ll reconvene in an hour.” She pounded the gavel.

“Peter. We need to talk for a minute.” Jack McCoy stopped Peter outside of the courtroom.

“Actually I’m-”

“That wasn’t a request, Peter.” Jack articulated.

“Okay, guys. Go get washed up for dinner,” you instructed Julian and Audra. The kids ran off to the bathroom.

“Good evening, darling.” Peter’s voice caused you to jump.

“Peter. You’re home.” Setting the plastic bags on the counter you unpacked the groceries you bought to make dinner.

“You sound surprised. I do live here.” He sipped from the tumbler in his hand. “Actually making dinner for a change?” he asked sarcastically as he gestured to the items on the counter.

“Well after working a full-time job, six months pregnant, taking care of our children and trying to maintain the house by myself, I’m a little crunched for time.” Turning you took a pot out of the cabinet and started filling it with water. “Maybe if you didn’t get lost in a bottle of scotch every evening I might be able to make dinner more often.”

Peter glared at you. “Did you call Jack McCoy?”

“Why would I call Jack McCoy?”

He smacked the cabinet above your head. “Don’t fucking lie to me, Y/N! I’m on administrative leave because a ‘concerned party was worried about my abilities to perform my job as an ADA due to an alcohol problem’,” he yelled.

“Peter. You need to calm down before the kids hear,” you warned. “Besides I didn’t call anyone.” You put the pot of water on the stove and turned on the burner.

“Don’t tell me to calm down. I’m sick and tired of your nagging-”

“Daddy, please stop yelling,” Julian said in tears. “It’s scary for Audra when you yell.”

“Go back to your room,” Peter said sternly. Julian stood rocking from one foot to the other. “Julian Xavier if you don’t get-”

“Peter don’t shout at him.” Kneeling down your rested your hands on his shoulders. “It’s okay buddy. Go ahead to your room. I’ll be there in a minute.” You wiped the tears from his cheeks and kissed his head.

He turned to look back a couple times before turning the corner down the hall.

Grabbing the edge of the counter you straightened to look Peter in the eye. “I’m done nagging. I’m done trying to help someone that doesn’t want help. I’m done…period.”

“What does that mean?” Peter placed his hands on his hips. His mouth formed a thin line and his brow furrowed.

“It means,” you braced your hands on the counter, “I can’t live like this anymore. I know you’ve been handed a shitty hand in life the last few months and I can’t fathom what you’re going through.” Peter opened his mouth to say something but you held a hand up silencing him. “But that gives you no right, no right to behave like you have been. I refuse for our children to live in a home with an alcoholic father.”

“Alcoholic? You think I’m an alcoholic?”

“I know you are,” you stated and put a finger in his chest. “You have some decisions to make my love. You’re on the verge of losing your job, ruining your career and losing the last few people that care whether you live or die.”

Peter’s head dropped and he clenched and unclenched his fists. “I need some air,” he mumbled before turning to leave the room. The front door slammed rattling the windows. You were surprised they didn’t shatter.

Tears stung your eyes. Taking a deep breath you fanned your face. ‘Soldier on Stone. You got this,’ you whispered to yourself. You added the noodles to the boiling water, stirring to make sure they didn’t stick. Peter was given an ultimatum. His family or the alcohol. At this point, you honestly weren’t sure which he would choose.

“Mommy. I don’t feel good,” Julian’s soft voice woke you from where you had fallen asleep on the couch watching television. He was holding his belly.

“Awww..c’mere buddy.” You sat up then felt his forehead. He was burning up. “Where does it hurt?”

He pointed to his lower right side. “I gonna throw up.” Grabbing the wastebasket beside the couch you got it to him just in time. After he was done, you wiped his mouth with a tissue. “It hurts really bad.”

You looked at the clock 11:30 pm. Picking up the phone, you dialed Sonny’s wife. You hoped you didn’t wake her. “Sorry, I’m calling so late. Did I wake you?”

“You’re fine. Kids had cookies courtesy of Ma Carisi so the kids are still running around like a bunch of heathens.” You could hear squealing in the background and Sonny laughing at something. “Everything okay?”, she asked.

“I think Julian may have appendicitis,” you told her trying to keep your voice steady.

You heard her say something to Sonny, a door close, then it was a little quieter. “Okay. What’s going on?”

“Julian. He came to me. He says his belly hurts really bad on the lower right side, he vomited and he has a fever.”

“I’d get him to the ER just to be safe. I can meet you guys at Bellvue if you want,” she offered.

“You don’t-”

“I’ll be there in 15 minutes,” she stated.

You tried to call Peter several times but no answer. So, you sent a 911 text. It took you almost 10 minutes to get out the door between having to get Audra up, shoes and coats on both kids and getting them in the car. When you got to the ER, Sonny’s wife was waiting for you. She had her scrubs on and escorted you to the back. “Where’s Peter?”

The look you gave her told her all she needed to know. She didn’t say anything but just shook her head.

The doctor that examined Julian was phenomenal. He ordered an abdominal CT which confirmed the diagnosis. “We’ll take him to emergency surgery. The OR team is being called in now. He’ll be in good hands, Mrs. Stone.”

Your phone buzzed in your purse. “Peter thank God. Julian has appendicitis. They’re taking him to surgery.”

“Shit. Now? What hospital?” In the background, you heard a male’s voice. “I’m on the way.”

“Bellvue. Please get here quickly.”

“I’ll be there in 20 minutes. Tell Julian I love him.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“I love you too, Y/N.” He didn’t wait for a response.

“Is Daddy coming?” Julian asked. You took his small, warm hand in yours.

“On his way right now buddy. He said to tell you he loves you.” Leaning over you kissed his forehead.

“I can take Audra home with me once Peter gets here. That way you can focus on Julian and Audra can get some sleep,” Sonny’s wife offered. She was currently holding a sleeping Audra in her arms.

“You already have five at home. Do you really want another to look after? Will Sonny care.”

“Please. What’s one more.” She waved you away with her hand and gave you a small smile. “You feeling okay?”

“Yeah. I’m okay.” Rubbing your belly you returned her smile.

“Daddy. You’re here. I’m sick” Julian said. Peter walked into the room followed by Fin.

“Yeah. I heard,” he said softly. Peter sat on the other side of the bed.

“You guys good?” Fin asked. Directing the question more at you than anyone.

You nodded.

“I’m gonna go. Call me when he gets out of surgery,” Sonny’s wife said.

You and Peter gave Audra a kiss. Fin gave Julian a fist bump. “I’ll walk ya to your car,” he said to Sonny’s wife.

A few minutes later they wheeled Julian down the hall to surgery. They were able to give him something to make him sleepy before they took him. Both of you kissed his forehead. A staff member escorted you and Peter to a waiting room. It was cozy as much as a waiting room could be with a plush couch, dim lighting and a rack with magazines.

Peter drug his hands through his hair while he paced the floor. Taking a magazine from the rack you sat on the couch thumbing through it not really looking at, just needed to do something with your hands.

Peter finally sat beside you on the couch. He put a hand on your knee and gently squeezed. “You okay? Want some water or tea?”

Shaking your head, the tears you had been holding back started spilling down your cheeks. “I’m scared. I know it’s a routine surgery but-”

Peter gathered you in his arms and leaned back on the couch. Your head rested on his chest. He smelled of his body wash, a hint of cigar smoke and fried foods. “I am too. It’s not routine when it’s one of your children,” he sniffled. He kissed your head. It was quiet for a few minutes the only sounds were the occasional ding of the elevator and your mixed breathing.

“I didn’t call Jack.”

Peter ran his hand up and down your arm. “I know you didn’t. I’m sorry I accused you.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Stone?” the surgeon said as he entered the room. Peter stood then helped you to your feet. “Julian did great. He’s in recovery. He’ll need to stay here for a couple of days. You can see him soon.”

“Thank you. Thank you,” you said to the surgeon. You grabbed Peter’s hand in yours and squeezed. He squeezed yours back.

“Thank you,” Peter shook his hand.

The surgeon smiled and nodded before leaving the room.

When you pulled up to the building your heart sank and your stomach knotted. Peter exited the SUV rounding to open your door. Taking your hand, he helped you from the car then took his duffel from the back. He pulled an envelope from his coat pocket. Holding it up he instructed, “don’t open this until you get home.”

Smiling you pulled one from your coat as well. “Great minds think alike.” Pulling your bottom lip between your teeth you looked up at Peter through your lashes. “This the longest we’ve ever been apart. I know this is what you need to do and I am so proud of you for it…”

Peter tipped your chin up. “I know. He touched foreheads with you. “28 days. It’ll go by quickly. I’ll be out before the twins are born. I’ll be a better person, husband, and father.” He pressed a kiss to your lips. Bending over he rested his hands on your belly then kissed your pregnant belly. When he stood he pulled you to him. Wrapping your arms around each other both of you held on to one another. He kissed your temple. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Are you ready?”

He nodded. “I am.”

Choices-A Heartfelt Passages Fic

Taking a quick second to check your phone, you saw a text from Anne asking about your Memorial Day plans for this weekend. She and William wanted to take you and kids to Coney Island. That was easy, you had to work most of the weekend. But you did have Sunday and Monday off. You sent her a text letting her know. And of course, there was the daily text from Peter that remained unanswered like the others the had sent. Sighing you threw your phone back in the locker.

After work, you picked the kids up at William and Anne’s. They insisted you stay for dinner, you gladly accepted. “How is your friend? What’s his name…Peter,” Anne asked innocently.

“We-we haven’t talked in a few days. Schedules you know,” you answered. It wasn’t a lie. Just a half-truth. What could you say? ‘I’m a coward. He said that he loves me and I love him. But I’m too afraid to open myself back up again.’

William thankfully changed the subject. “So, Coney Island. Maybe you can meet us there on Sunday morning?”

On Friday, you were able to get off a little early so you could see the kids off with William and Anne. The rest of the evening you shuffled around the house, did some laundry and ordered some Indian food before you flopped on the couch to watch a movie. Around 8 pm your doorbell rang. Groaning you pushed yourself off the couch to answer the door.

“Peter,” you said with surprise. “What-”

“Well, you don’t respond to my texts or return my phone calls. I thought a face to face meeting was needed. Can I come in?”

You just there looking at him. “Sure.” Opening the door wider you stepped aside to allow him entry.

Peter pulled you to his chest for a hug. “I’ve missed you,” he said into your neck.

Screwing your eyes closed you wrapped your arms around Peter’s waist, but didn’t respond. When Peter leaned back to look at you, your heart almost broke. How the hell could you do what you were about to do? Backing out of Peter’s arms you gestured to the couch. “How is Pam?” She hadn’t been hurt physically but you wondered how mentally she was going to process what happened.

“She’s okay.” Peter sat beside on the couch.

“Good. That’s good.” Taking a deep breath you took Peter’s hand in yours. It was warm, comforting and engulfed yours completely. “Peter. I’m sorry I haven’t returned your calls or texts. That wasn’t fair to you. You have been nothing but kind and good to me and the kids. They adore you-”

“I sense a but.” He pulled his hand from yours and rested his forearms on his legs.

“I’m sorry Peter. I’m just not- I can’t.” Taking a few seconds you gathered your thoughts. “I’m damaged, Peter. I’m not good for you. You deserve someone who doesn’t have the emotional baggage I do. Someone you can be spontaneous with and doesn’t have to find a sitter…”

He rose from the couch quickly and you followed suit. “That’s not what I want.” When he spun back around, his eyes were pleading. “I want you. I want the kids. I don’t care what issues you have because I have some pretty messed up stuff in my life too.”

Shaking your head. “You don’t get it. We want different things, Peter. I don’t want to be with you. For me, it was just sex nothing more.”

“That’s a lie, Y/N.”

Jutting your chin and crossing your arms over your chest you stood your ground, even if it was about to crumble under you. “It’s the truth,” you replied in a small voice. Even you couldn’t believe what you were saying.

His face fell and he looked like someone punched him in the gut. He opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind. “Wow. You are a heartless bit-” Peter gave you an icy look. Spinning on his heel, he left you sitting on the couch, slamming the door behind him when he left.

The next day at work was slow. Very unusual for a Saturday and holiday weekend. “I’m gonna take my 15,” you told your co-worker who was currently working on his second crossword of the day. Louie waved his acknowledgment.

Once you were out if the ED, you pulled your phone out to check for messages. There were a couple from Anne of the kids splashing in the water, eating hot dogs and building sand castles. ‘Looks like everyone is having fun. Can’t wait to join you tomorrow!’

Nothing from Peter. Not sure why you thought there would be other than the fact that he texted you every day for the last three months. Your phone dinged again.

[From: Nick 4:36PM] having a cookout this evening. I know it’s last minute but wanted to invite you and the kids.

[To: Nick 4:38PM] I’ll swing by after I get off work at 7. Kids are out of town with William and Anne.

[From: Nick 4:42PM] Zara is with Maria. Should be a fun evening. I have tons of burgers and beer!

[To: Nick 4:45] sounds great. Can I bring anything?

[From: Nick 4:43PM] just your beautiful self.

You shook your head and grinned. Always a flirt. A night with friends was just what you needed.

Before heading to Nick’s you stopped by home to change out of your scrubs and clean up. Remembering there was a six pack of beer that Peter had left in the fridge, you grabbed it then headed out the door.

Hearing the conversation and music you unlatched the gate and made your way to the backyard. Nick had invited quite a few people. Liv, Tucker, Fin, Amanda and her doctor boyfriend, Sonny and his girlfriend Carmen, some officers you recognized from the precinct and numerous other people laughing, drinking and eating.

“Y/N. Over here!” Liv called. “Looks like everyone is kid-free,” she stated.

“Yeah a rarity for all of us at the same time.” You went around exchanging kisses and hugs.

“There you are,” Nick said as he came up beside you. He put an arm around your shoulder and placed a kiss to your head. “Let’s get you a burger.”

“Got a cooler I can put these in?” you asked holding the beer up.

He took it from your hand. “I’ll take care of it. You eat.”

A couple hours and a few beers later you were singing karaoke, badly, very badly, with Sonny, who was worse than you if that was even possible. The two of you were so horrible you got booed off. It didn’t matter though, you were having so much fun.

“Okay. Let’s just play some music, huh?” he said with a chuckle. Nick took your mic, then Sonny’s. “The two worst singers in America, ladies, and gentlemen! Give ‘em a hand.”

You swatted his chest playfully and Sonny laughed waving him off.

Nick put on some good dance music, grabbed your hand and spun you around then dipped you. The two of you danced for a couple of songs until a slow one came on. “Thanks that was fun.”

“Wait. You’re really gonna leave me alone.”

Looking around it was essentially you and him not partnered off. Rolling your eyes you agreed. “Just don’t step on my toes,” you joked.

Nick took your hand and put his other at the small of your back while yours rested on his shoulder. “Man this song takes me back to a musty school gym at my first dance in junior high.”

You laughed. “I had my first kiss to this song actually.”

Nick pulled you closer. “How about getting kissed to it again.” His lips were on yours before you realized what was happening. Then all of a sudden he was pulled away. “What the hell-”

Peter’s fist made contact with Nick’s jaw. Nick shook his head then came back swinging delivering a gut punch. Sonny and Fin rushed over and pulled them apart.

“Is he the reason you broke up with me? For him?” Peter bellowed.

Nick spit blood on the ground. “She made the better choice,” he shot back.

Peter and Nick started exchanging insults while Sonny and Fin held them back.

“Stop! Just stop!” you yelled above them. “What the hell is wrong with you two!?” The two men stared daggers at one another.

“What the hell were you kissing Nick?” Peter spat out his name like he had taken a bite of something bitter.

“Sounds like it’s none of your business, buddy,” Nick shot back.

“I’ve heard enough. Peter go home. I’ll call you later.” You turned to Nick. “Inside. Now.”

Nick smirked at Peter. “Bye Peter.”

“Nick. Go.” You gave him a little shove toward the back door of his house. When you looked back, Peter was watching your retreat.

Once in the house Nick went to the freezer, pulled out a cold pack and held it against his jaw. He studied your face. “What?” he asked.

“You damn well what Nicholas Amaro.”

“I saw my chance and took it.” Nick shrugged.

“But I didn’t tell you I ended things with Peter. How did you know? The only person-” You made a mental note to kiss Sonny’s butt. Leaning against the counter you pinched the bridge of your nose and collected your thoughts. “Nick. You know I love you. You’re one of my best friends.”

“Ouch. Friend-zoned,” Nick replied.

You shot a brow up at his comment.

“Sorry. About the kiss. That was wrong. But I’m not sorry about hitting that asshole back,” he stated.

“Thank you.” Nodding at where Nick held the ice pack, “how bad is it?”

“I’ve had worse from the kids I coach at the gym.” He grinned at you. “I really am sorry.”

“I know. C’mere.” You moved the ice pack. “Doesn’t need stitches. Keep icing it, take some ibuprofen.”

“Everything okay on here?” Liv asked as she poked her head on the door.

“Yeah. We’re good. Just getting ready to go,” you answered. “Good night, Nick.” You gave him a hug, which he returned.

Liv and Tucker dropped you at home. When you got inside you attempted to call Peter a couple times. Straight to voicemail. Either his phone was off or he was ignoring your calls. Your money was on the latter. Instead, you shot him a text.

[To: Peter 11:21 PM] I assume you are ignoring my calls. Touche. Not that I really need to explain myself to you but I will tell you what happened. I didn’t break things off with you for Nick. He kissed me and realized he overstepped. It’s fine if you don’t want to talk to me. I understand. I just want to know you made it home safely. Good night.

Is love enough?

//here’s the drama y’all been wanting.//

“Oh, Peter,” you sighed. Your husband was passed out on the leather couch in his home office again. He still had an empty tumbler in his hand. Taking it from his hand you set it on the end table. Glancing at the half-empty bottle that had been full two days ago made your stomach churn. Counseling wasn’t working, and he could never seem to make an AA meeting.

Peter’s breathing was easy, mouth slightly open, face relaxed. He was sleeping the sound sleep of a drunk. For a moment you just stood there admiring his beautiful face. Maybe you and the kids weren’t enough for him to fight his demons. Absentmindedly you rubbed your belly. Tears filled your eyes. What were you going to do?

“Good morning, darling,” Peter said in a chipper tone. “Breakfast smells great.” He leaned over to kiss your cheek.

All you could muster was a tight smile. He acted like nothing was wrong like he hadn’t passed out almost every night. Most nights he made it back to bed or you would find him on the couch, the office.

Peter cleared the table and cleaned up the kitchen after breakfast. “What time do your parents want us there this evening?”

“6:30pm.”

“You okay? You’ve been quiet.” Peter’s brows knitted together as he looked down at you leaning against the counter.

“Been a long week. Wish we didn’t have dinner at my parents’,” you confessed. And not for the reason Peter thought. Peter and your Dad merely tolerated one another and that was being generous. There was always so much tension in the room and it just filled you with anxiety.

“You and me both,” he concurred.

“I need a favor.”

“Anything for you, darling,” Peter replied with a wink.

It took everything for you not to roll your eyes. “Please. Don’t drink this evening.”

At 6:30PM sharp, you knocked on your parents front door. When your Mom opened the door a big smile crossed her face. Once inside, Peter helped you with your coat and hung it along with his on the coat rack. “You are absolutely glowing,” she gushed and pulled you into a hug. “And there’s my beautiful babies.” She hugged Julian and Audra.

“Thanks, Mom. You look great.”

“Peter, come here and give you favorite mother-in-law a hug.” She gave Peter a kiss on the cheek. “Let me get your picture.”

You rolled your eyes but obliged her. You gave her two minutes before she had the picture on Facebook, Instagram.

“There’s my baby girl,” your Dad said as he entered the room. Instantly Peter tensed beside you. You gave his hand a squeeze. “And my sweet grandbabies.”

“Hi Daddy.” you greeted him with a smile before you hugged him.

His demeanor changed dramatically when he greeted your husband. “Peter. Happy Thanksgiving.”

“Harold. Happy Thanksgiving.”

The two men shook hands. “Thank you,” your Dad replied. “Still liking SVU?”

“It has its moments. Different beast for certain.”

“I can only imagine.”

Watching the interaction, you breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe tonight wouldn’t be as bad as you had originally thought.

When dinner was over you, your mom, sister-in-law, Sabrina and kids went to the living to talk and let the kids play. The last you’d seen Peter was about a half an hour ago. He had been nursing a brandy and smoking a cigar with your Dad on the balcony.

Yelling from the other room got everyone’s attention. Moving as fast as you were able to you find your Dad and Peter standing way too close. Both had their fists balled up, faces red, and yelling.

“She’s way too good for you. And you know that!” your father said to Peter and pushed a finger into his chest.

“Don’t touch me again, Harold,” Peter growled through clenched teeth.

“Peter. Dad. Stop this please,” you cried out. It was like you weren’t even there.

“You’ve brought her nothing but grief since you’ve been together. Following you around when you played baseball, supporting you when you finished law school, stood beside your decision to move back to New York. She gave up her career so you could further yours. Then the rape allegation…I doubt you’re even innocent.”

Peter pulled his fist back making contact with your Dad’s jaw. Your Dad stumbled back, regained his footing then lunged at Peter.

9Julian, Audra and your nieces started crying you hadn’t noticed they came into the dining room. Your brother-in-law jumped in trying to pull them apart only to be punched and pushed onto the table. Dishes and food flew everywhere.

“Stop. Please. Stop!” you yelled. “Peter! Please!”

“Harold!” your mom yelled.

“Stay out of this, Y/N. I’ve put up with this son of a bitch for 10 years,” Peter bellowed.

“You’ve put up with me? It’s the other way around. You’re a sorry excuse for a husband and father! I wish-”

Turning on your heel you put the kid’s shoes and coats on and left without a word. “Why is Pappy and Daddy fighting? It scared me.” Julian said crying.

“I’m sorry buddy. They shouldn’t act like that.”

Audra clung to you, sniffing. “I want Daddy.”

When you and the kids were halfway home your phone started ringing and buzzing with calls and texts from Peter, your mom, brother. And you ignored all of them. Finally, you texted your Mom letting her know you and the kids were home safely.

The kids were tucked in when Peter walked through the door. “What the hell Y/N. You just leave me there?”

“First of all lower your voice. The kids were scared, I was scared. I begged both of you to stop fighting. It was like you didn’t even hear me.” You crossed your arms over the chest. “I asked you not to drink just one night and you couldn’t do it.”

“So, this all my fault. Your Dad started all of this.” He pointed toward you. “You’ve never had my back when it comes to him.”

“Are you kidding me? I didn’t talk to or go around my Dad for years because the two of you hate one another so much,” you shot back. “And don’t worry, my Dad will be hearing from me too.”

Peter stared you down, he knew it was the truth.

Continuing your speech you spoke softer. “You get passed out drunk every night. One night Peter, that’s all I asked and you couldn’t do it. You have demons that I can’t excise. I refuse to live like this, not knowing when you’re coming home if you’ll come home drunk or-”

“Well when you have a life like mine, it’s hard not to drink.”

It was like a punch to the stomach. You swallowed back the lump in your throat. “Well, maybe you should find somewhere else to stay.”

“Wait. No. That’s not what I meant.”

“I know exactly what you mean Peter.” You pinched the bridge of your nose. “I’m going to bed. I can’t deal with any more today.”

“Y/N-”

“There are blankets and pillows in the hall linen closet for the guest bedroom. It’ll be a welcome change from passing out on your office couch.” Without a glance back, you went to your bedroom and shut the door. After finishing your bedtime routine you were answering texts from your Mom, brother, and sister-in-law. Your Dad didn’t text you, good decision on his part. When your phone dinged again it was a text from Peter.

[From: Peter 9:42PM] I love you.

[To: Peter 9:43PM] I love you too. But sometimes that’s not enough.

Healing hearts-a Heartfelt Passages fic

“So which one do you like best?” you asked Isaac. Cora was holding your hand, twirling around and around.

Isaac’s little brow furrowed as he tried to decide. “I don’t know Mama.” He shrugged his shoulders. You examined the store for a sales associate but the store was chaotic. They were all with other customers at the moment.

“Go with the Mizuno,” a voice from behind you recommended.

Turning you saw Peter standing behind you. “Peter. It’s you. Thank you.” Cora waved at Peter from where she was now clinging to your leg. He grinned and waved back. Taking the glove from the shelf, you tucked it under your arm.

“No problem. Did you get cleats and a bat yet?” Peter inquired.

You raised a brow and your nose crinkled. “He needs all that?”

“C’mon. I can help pick the right weight bat.” Peter offered. “I did play professional baseball after all.”

“I’m sure you’re busy. I can ask William or-”

“Mama?” Isaac tugged on your hand to get your attention. “I want him to help.”

After leaving the sporting goods store, you asked Peter to join you and the kids for lunch as a thank you. Peter gestured to a bench at the park while the kids played. “So New York or Chicago hot dogs?” you asked Peter before biting into your spicy mustard, onion-laden hot dog.

Peter chuckled. “Good question. As a hot dog connoisseur, I have to say Chicago. Better casings, higher quality meats.”

“Me too. I haven’t had a Chicago hot dog since Mike and I moved to NYC.”

“You have some mustard just-” Peter pointed to the corner of your mouth.

“I get it?” you asked running your tongue over your lips.

Peter swiped his thumb over the corner of your mouth. “Got it.”

Gently you bit your bottom lip, looking up at Peter through your lashes. “Thanks.” Suddenly you needed something to do. Luckily the kids ran up to you asking to be pushed on the swings. The kids grabbed your hand pulling you toward the swings. “It’s easier with two people ya know.”

Peter smiled. “Right behind you.”

A couple months later

“Are we there yet?” Isaac asked from the backseat.

“Almost buddy,” you answered. He loved baseball and was always excited for practice and games. Looking in the rearview Isaac already had his glove on, his hat was on backward. He saw pictures of Mike and insisted on wearing his hat like Daddy. Cora had fallen asleep in her car seat just minutes after leaving the house.

There were several cars already at the field when you arrived. You pulled into a parking spot. Isaac was out of his booster seat and opening the car door before you had barely shut the car off. “Wait right there.”

You took a sleeping Cora from her car seat then made your way around to Isaac’s side of the bed. “Mr. Peter!” Isaac called out excitedly.

Peter found out he would be coaching Isaac’s team about a month ago. Isaac thought it was so cool a real baseball player would be his coach. “Isaac. My man!” He greeted Isaac with a high five.

“I think you may be his hero,” you said to Peter.

Peter leaned down to kiss your cheek. “How was your week? I’ve missed you.”

“Ugh. Crazy. I’ve missed you too. Happy tomorrow is Friday. How about you?”

“Same for me. But knowing I get to spend the weekend with my favorite people makes the days go by a little quicker.”

Cora started waking up. She rubbed her eyes. When she saw Peter she held her arms out to him. “Petey hold me.”

Peter took her into his arms without hesitation. “She’s the only one that can call me that and get away with it.”

Your memory flashed back to the first time you called Mike, Mikey. He had said the same thing to you. It was the first time in a long time that thinking about Mike made you sad. You gave him a tight smile. “I’ll be right back. I left something in the car.” Once you got to the car you sat inside for a few minutes trying to compose yourself. Taking a few cleansing breaths and dabbing your eyes, you exited the vehicle and watched the practice.

It took a few times of the phone ringing and buzzing beside you before you were awake. “How bad is it? Okay. I’ll be there in 10.” You hit end call and groaned.

“Everything okay?” Peter asked in a raspy voice.

“10 car pile up. They need everyone they get,” you replied. “I’ll call Martha to come over.”

Peter sat up a little in bed. “I can watch them.”

“I can’t ask you to babysit, Peter.” Getting out of bed, you went to the closet to get a set of scrubs.

“You didn’t ask, I offered.” He turned over to where you were sitting on the side of the bed.

Looking over your shoulder at Peter you contemplated what to do. “Only if you’re sure. I mean Cora gets up really early. It’s 3:00, so she’ll probably be up at like-”

“5:30, unless she sleeps in then 6:00. Likes apple juice and hits the ground running. Isaac won’t be up til 8am. Not a morning person, like someone else I know.” Peter gave you a small smile.

You had to smile back. He knew the kids’ routines and habits as well as you did. “Okay. Call if you need anything.”

“We’ll be fine. You’ve been to my place. I’ve kept all my plants alive,” he said with a wry smile.

When you came back home Peter met you at the door. The look on his face told you something was wrong. “What is it? What’s wrong? Is it the kids?”

He grasped your shoulders. “They’re fine. It’s Denny. I had to carry him inside. He can’t get up.”

You stroked Denny’s head as he lay in your lap. Isaac sat beside you petting Denny as well. Cora had fallen asleep on the way to the vet, Peter was currently holding her.

“Mrs. Dodds. You’re doing the right thing,” the vet said as he sat on the floor beside you.

You nodded quickly, wiping your nose on the back of your hand. “I know. Just hard to let him go.” You hugged Denny around the neck and kissed his fur.

“I’ll give you a few minutes,” he said softly as he stood to leave.

“Oh, Denny. You have always been such a good boy.” Peter knelt down beside you. “He, uh, we wondered how he would do with the kids. He loved them, watched over them. And then when Mike died-died he never left my side,” you sobbed. Peter placed a hand on your shoulder and squeezed gently. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” Peter kissed your head.

Peter insisted you eat, shower then lie down when you got home and you didn’t argue. You padded out to the kitchen a couple hours later for a bottle of water. Peter and the kids were sitting at the table. “What are you guys up to?”

“I’m showing Peter pictures of when I was in your belly,” Isaac explained.

“You were a beautiful bride,” Peter complimented you.

“Not bad for seven months pregnant.” It has been one of the happiest days of your life.

Peter’s phone buzzed beside him on the table. Brinkhaven Psychiatric Hospital showed up on the screen. “Sorry I have to take this.” He answered the phone but didn’t leave the room. “Okay. No. I understand. I’ll be there first thing in the morning. Thank you.” He ended the call.

“Is your sister okay?” you asked with concern.

“She’s having side effects from her medications. Tardive dys-dys…”

“Tardive dyskinesia. Her medications are affecting her nervous system. Has she been on her current medication regimen for a long time?”

“Honestly I have no idea. My Dad took care of things. It’s just been since his passing that I’ve become involved in her care. It’s not easy to navigate,” he confessed.

“I can come with you if you want.”

Peter’s eyes darted to yours. “You’d do that for me?”

“Of course. I’ll see if Anne and William can watch the kids.” Picking up your phone you tapped out a quick text to Anne. She responded almost immediately. She and William were in the neighborhood and asked if the kids could just stay the night. “Who wants to stay at Memaw and Pappy’s?”

“Me!”

You laughed. “That’s what I thought. Let’s go get some clothes.”

After the kids were picked up, it left you and Peter alone. A rare occurrence. “I forgot how quiet it is when they aren’t here,” Peter commented.

“I know it’s weird.”

“I can think of a way to make it less quiet,” Peter said suggestively. He leaned over, grasping your thighs picking you up, carrying you to the bedroom.

The next several weeks went by without incident. Pam was improving. She remembered Peter and was getting to know you and the kids. Everything was going so well you were just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And when it did drop it cracked the very foundation you were standing on.

“Nick. Hey. Wasn’t-”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at home. Why what’s up?”

“Are the kids with you?”

“They’re here. Nick. What’s going on? You’re starting to scare me.”

“Peter’s been threatened which means you and the kids are at risk,” he explained. “Lock the doors. Get some clothes together. I’m on my way there.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Okay.” As soon as you hung up with Nick you dialed Peter. No answer. You left him a message, then a text. When Nick arrived 15 minutes later you had bags packed for you and the kids.

“Nick I haven’t heard from Peter. I tried to call.”

“He’s safe at the precinct. I’m taking you there right now. TARU has his phone.” Nick’s voice was clipped.

“Is something bothering you, Nick?”

“Nope.” He jaw was clenching and he had a death grip on the steering wheel.

Shaking your head you didn’t say anything the rest of the way to the precinct.

Peter was pacing when you and the kids entered the precinct. He crossed the room in a few short strides. He picked up Isaac then wrapped you and Cora in a tight embrace. “I’m so sorry this is happening.”

“It’s not your fault-”

“Peter. We found ‘em,” Sonny interrupted. “We’re movin’ out now.”

“I need to go.” He kissed you then placed Isaac back on his feet. “I love you.”

You were too shocked to say it back. Those three words scared you, although you knew you felt the same way. “I love you too,” you said into the empty room.

Could we hear more about the fight, break up, and getting back together with Peter and his wife before they were married? Also, can we hear more about her date and Peter’s weekend with Joan?

You weren’t even sure how the fight started or even why it started. The two of you had been arguing and one another’s throats for weeks and you were exhausted, emotionally and physically. You were shouting at Peter, he was yelling back. Both of you saying things you didn’t mean. “I’m done. I’m moving back in with my parents.”

Peter stepped back, his eyes were wide, mouth hanging open. “No. You-you…don’t leave me please.” Peter choked back a sob.

You were already crying but now the tears were uncontrollable. “Maybe we need this. A break. Figure out what we really want.”

Peter dashed the tears from his eyes. “I already know what I want and what I need. And that’s you.” He pulled you to his chest and squeezed. You wrapped your arms around his middle. Both of you crying.

“Earth to Y/N?” Brice said and snapped his fingers.

“Sorry. Spaced out there for a second. What did you say?”

“I asked if you wanted to get a drink after work.”

It had been about six weeks since you had broke things off with Peter. You were still living with your parents and was tired of sitting at home every night. “A drink would be nice.”

To your own surprise, you were enjoying yourself. Brice leaned in and kissed you. It felt nice, so you didn’t stop him. You were smiling when you broke away. When you saw Peter at the other end of the bar your smile faltered. “Excuse me for a moment.”

Peter was leaving the restaurant when you finally caught up to him. “Peter. Hey. Wait.”

“How long you been seeing him?”

“Well not that’s it’s your business but we are just out for a drink,” you answered.

“Is that how you say thank you now? Hate to see how you’re going to say thank you for dinner,” Peter snarked. He looked like hell. His hair was long, he was growing a beard.

“Screw you, Peter.” You brushed your hair from your face and wrapped your arms around yourself. “I came out because I was worried about you. But you never fail to disappoint me. You have a great night, Peter.” You turned on your heel and left Peter standing in the cold.

“I’m sorry about that, Brice,” you apologized as you returned to your date.

“I get it exes can be…complicated. Our table is ready.” He put his arm around your shoulders.

Peter had met Joan at a recent charity event. She wasn’t exactly his type, she wasn’t you after all. But she showed interest, lots of interest. And after the way he acted after seeing you with another man…he pushed the thought out of his head. He invited her to get a room.

She leaned in to kiss him but he stopped her. “No. No kissing,” he told her.

She gave him a quizzical look but respected his request.

“Who’s Y/N?” Joan asked Sunday morning as she was getting dressed.

Peter scrambled for his phone. “Why did she call?”

“No you kept mumbling her name in your sleep all night,” she informed him.

“Oh, she’s just-” Peter sighed.

“That’s what I thought. Fight for her. Wish my husband would have done the same for me.” She kissed his cheek and left the room.

When Sunday afternoon rolled around Peter walked into the apartment that the two of you once shared. He poured bourbon into a glass and tossed it back. It burned as it slid down his throat. He hadn’t slept with or even wanted to sleep with anyone since the night he met you. So why did he spend the night with another woman?

Easy. He was hurting, lonely and Joan just happened to be there and show him a little attention. She was nothing more than a distraction. He would’ve felt bad but she told him the same. Grabbing the bottle he decided to forgo and glass.

“I’ll be back out in just a few minutes,” you said to your best friend Monica. You hadn’t completely moved out of the apartment you and Peter shared. And of course, the shoes you needed had been one of the items you left.

You pulled your key from your pocket and entered the apartment. It was quiet, Peter must be out. You breathed a sigh of relief. Making a beeline for the bedroom, you heard a voice from Peter’s office. It was Peter and he was mad and his speech was slurred.

“Harold. I know you’re lying to me. She won’t answer my calls. I-I just want to know she’s okay. Why won’t you let me talk to her? Hello?” He threw the phone so hard it bounced off the wall then tumbled across the floor. “Son of a bitch!”

When he turned you were standing in the doorway to his office speechless.

“Y/N,” he said in surprise.

“Peter,” you said back, crossing your arms over your chest.

It was like both of you were cemented to the spot you were standing. So, you just stood there staring at one another.

“How are you?” Peter finally broke the trance. He staggered a bit walking to you.

“I’m fine. I’m just grabbing a pair of shoes. I won’t be long,” you informed him. He looked worse than when you saw him a couple weeks ago. He was skinnier, bags under his eyes, hair too long and in badly in need of a shave. Still handsome. Still, the man you loved.

“Please. Don’t run off. I’d really like to talk to you,” Peter pleaded with words and his eyes.

“Monica and Connor are waiting for me downstairs. Besides, you’re drunk.”

He hung his head, looking up at through his lashes. “Yeah.” Peter leaned against the door jamb trying steady himself.

“How about breakfast tomorrow? We can talk then.”

Peter’s face brightened a bit. “I’d like that.’

“Okay. Call me in the morning when you get up. Good night Peter.” You turned to retrieve your shoes, rushing back out the door.

Peter listened as the door closed. Quiet. He used to love the quiet, now it just reminded him of your absence.

“What the hell?” you grumbled. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you picked up your vibrating phone. “Someone better be hurt or on fire to wake me up at 5:30 in the morning on a Sunday,” you rasped.

The caller cleared their throat. “Um, you said to call when I got up. I’m up.” Peter’s voice sounded unsure.

“Peter? It’s so early.” You hadn’t gotten back until almost 3am after being out with Monica, Connor and some other friends. You had showered then fell into bed.

“I know, uh, are we still on for breakfast?” You could hear the hope in his voice. “I could come there so-”

“Not a good idea Peter,” you interrupted him. Your father would hit the roof if Peter came by, especially after their exchange last night. “Give me 30 minutes. I’ll be at your place.”

“It’s still your place too, Y/N.” The hurt in Peter’s voice was evident.

You hung up the phone. Pulling on some clothes you then grabbed your wallet. As you were putting your sneakers on your Mom came into the foyer. “Going to see Peter?” she asked softly.

You nodded. “He wants to talk, he needs me. Don’t try to stop me. Don’t tell Daddy, please.”

She shuffled to you. “I would never try to stop you from going after what you want. He loves you, the way he looks at you like you hung the stars and command the sun to rise. You look at him the same way. Just, protect your heart, darling girl.”

“Thank you, Mom.” You kissed her cheek then ran out the door to hail a cab.

Just as you were going to knock Peter opened the door. He gestured for you to come in. “Morning,” he said and offered to help you with your coat. His fingers barely touched your neck causing your skin to tingle and your breath to hitch.

“Morning. You’ve been busy,” you commented as you surveyed the apartment.

His ears turned red with embarrassment. “I kind of let things get out of control.” That was an understatement he thought to himself.

You followed him through the apartment to the kitchen. The table was laden with food. Belgian waffles, crispy bacon, scrambled eggs, maple syrup, fresh orange juice and a pot of coffee. “Wow this all looks delicious,” you praised him. Your mouth was watering. Peter filled your plate with food and you tucked in immediately.

Peter dug into his food as well. It was good to see him eat. After breakfast, you helped clean up despite Peter’s objections. Peter brought you a fresh mug of coffee. You were looking out the window as the sun was peeking over the buildings. “Thanks.”

“I need to tell you something,” Peter admitted sitting across from you on the couch. “I don’t know where our relationship is going. I pray you come back home. If you do, I want a clean slate. No secrets. And if you don’t I still feel like I should tell you.” He set his mug down. He rose from the couch and started pacing. “I slept with someone.”

You blinked your eyes and shook your head. “You-you made love with another woman? While we were together?” Your stomach sank. Cheating was a hard limit for you.

Peter came back to the couch and held your hands. “It was after you left. I was lonely, hurt. And it wasn’t making love, it was sex. It happened a couple weeks ago. I met her a charity event. Her name is Joan. It was the same weekend I saw you out with someone else. It was a mistake. And something that I’ll never be able to forgive myself for.”

You sat in silence for a few moments. Suddenly your fingers were very interesting. You couldn’t look at Peter. Imagining another woman’s hands on him made you ill. Then you thought about the date with Brice. “I almost slept with Brice. But I didn’t.” You reassured him. “It felt…wrong I guess.” Lifting your head you looked Peter in the eye. “I felt like I was cheating on you.” Shaking your head you stood and walked to the window again.

Peter wrapped his arms around you from behind. “Where does that leave us,” Peter whispered.

Resting your hands on his arms, you answered back with a shaky voice. “I honestly don’t know.”