anon asked: We’re going to carve pumpkins from fall list polyverse!au please. ❤

“Babe, can you pick up that pumpkin to take home?” you asked Nick as you pointed with your toe towards a round pumpkin with a shallow dent on the side.

Your arms were full with several jugs of cider. Behind you Sonny’s arms were likewise full of the bag of apples the three of you had picked. Nick gave you a long-suffering look, but he bent down obediently towards the pumpkins on the ground. You made a dissenting noise and tried to steer him to the one you wanted.

“No, babe. The one to the—two over, yeah—and then one to the—yes! that one with the little dent,” you guided as he bent over and hovered his hands over the nearest pumpkin to him. He hefted it easily, but grunted as he swung it into a cradle of his arms.

“I hate to be a spoilsport…but what are we going to do with this?” Nick asked with a raised eyebrow.

You were already looking around again, taking a few steps towards him in order to get a better look at the other pumpkins. They were neatly arranged in the patch of grass just to the side of the entrance and exit. Kids played in between the rows and tried to pick up ones too big for them before their parents carefully guided them to the smaller selection. It was a motley crew of shades of orange; some rich and round, others pale and small, still others mottled and tall. You were looking for two more and when you spotted a taller and skinnier pumpkin you let out a triumphant sound and jumped over a row to claim it.

“We’re going to carve pumpkins!” you announced with a wide grin, slightly breathless from your mini sprint as you stood over the next pumpkin you wanted. “That one can represent you, this skinny one for our Sonny and then we need one more for me…” you trailed off as your eyes drifted back to the pumpkins at your feet. You missed the look that Sonny and Nick exchanged before Nick piped back up.

“Alright, but…who is going to carry all of these pumpkins…?” Nick asked even as he dipped down on one side to gently grasp the second one you had pointed out. You shrugged in response, unconcerned about the logistics.

“We’ll figure it out. Teamwork and all that,” you replied absently before tossing a grin over your shoulder. You paused and your grin faded as you took in their amused expressions.

“Unless you don’t want to…?” you suggested, trying to keep the disappointment from your voice.

“We want to,” Sonny answered for him as Nick as he began making his way to your side. “We want to,” he repeated, “we were just thinking of how lucky we are to have. Weren’t we, Nick?” Sonny looked back at Nick expectantly and you bit the inside of your cheek.

“Course,” Nick replied quickly. “I don’t think I’ve ever carved a pumpkin, honestly. I may be bad at it.” He glanced up at the two of you as he tried to balance the weight of the pumpkins in his arms and step around the pumpkins on the ground carefully.

“Aww, that doesn’t matter,” you reassured him with a return of your grin. “I don’t think anyone is really good at carving a pumpkin. It’s just fun.” Nick gave you a grateful smile as Sonny made a thoughtful noise.

“I don’t know…” he started. “I’m great at it.”

There was a teasing look in his eyes and you shoved him with your shoulder. He narrowly missed squashing a pumpkin and you laughed as Nick tried to keep a handle on both pumpkins in his arms and keep Sonny upright at the same time. You erupted in laughter and for a moment everything was bright and light.

Thank you! Love it! @carisi-dreams ❤😘

DISTANCE: 3

therandomfics:

Sonny,

I’m sorry that it came to this, that your last contact from me will be in the form of this letter. Truthfully, I have no idea when you’ll read this, or if you’ll read it, but I want to cover my bases and let you know a few things. We’ve been together for how long now? Two and a half years? I’ve barely seen you for the last 8 months. I respect your line of work and appreciate your commitment to serve and protect, but at what point were you going to protect our relationship?
When we first met, I couldn’t believe how wonderful you were. Do you remember? You interviewed me, and then Mr. Barba prepped me for trial. I was so thankful I was able to save that woman’s life, so thankful that I made a difference, and so thankful to have met you. My Knight in Shining Armor. The first handful of dates we went on left me reeling – I felt manic if I’m being honest. I just couldn’t believe that someone like you wanted someone like me. Even after we moved in together, or rather I moved in with you, it still felt like pure magic. I never wanted that feeling to end.
Yes, I’ve lied awake at night, wishing that I’d never met you, wishing that you’d turn in your shield and take up law, or anything other than leaving me for as long as you did. But you know, I was patient, and forgiving.
I trusted you to be the one that would never betray me. I know you know why it’s so important to me that I give my all and get the same in return. You know my parents were together nearly 30 years when my Mom left my Dad for some random man she met online and destroyed my concept of trust. You know the horrors of dating I experienced – it’s not easy being a woman, especially in a big city. You know the absolute nightmare my mother has become and how she tried to pit me against you so many times just to feed her own sick, sad little mind… and I never let it happen.
Sonny, you were number one in everything. Nothing came before you, but I will not promise that nothing comes after you, because I deserve something more. You’ve left me lonely for too long. You didn’t check in, you didn’t have anyone check in on your behalf, nothing. If I hadn’t seen you with her.. I would have thought you were dead. You told me you were going back to find out what was going on, why someone would be trying to contact me, and then you’d be back. I understood – I was angry, but I fucking understood. Then, after I’ve been missing you for so long, I see you on the platform kissing that woman like you’ve loved her longer than you pretended to love me. What did I do to deserve this?
Amanda said you’re deep under and you’re trying to make friends with someone who know what’s really going on in hopes that you can bust a ring. A ring of what? Pedophiles? Rapists? Traffickers? Who cares? I don’t?
I’m so sorry it ends like this, darling. Please know that I will forever think of you as the man who taught me how to love and simultaneously want to kill myself at the same time. What a delight – what a SKILL SET you must have to make me feel so wildly unstable. I’d say I’m proud of you, but only if that translated to burn in Hell.

Wishing you the best…

Y/N

You sealed the letter in an envelope and left it lying on Sonny’s pillow for his long awaited return. A return, of course, for which you would not be present. It took no time at all to reach out to a friend in Brighton Beach and ask if you could stay with her for a bit, as things had gotten murky with your boyfriend. The neighborhood was a bit further from work, but you didn’t mind. After all, you’d no longer be in any rush to come home in the hopes that you’d find Sonny. You’d just be going home to Kristin and her childish but sometimes amusing boyfriend. Plus, it was only temporary, you reminded yourself.

You changed your number, deleted your Facebook and Instagram, and created a new e-mail account in hopes of moving on and getting things together again. Sonny’s name had stayed on the lease and rent was drafted monthly from his account, so you weren’t too terribly concerned with that portion, either. Even more, you had started taking a new route to work just in case he tried to find you. For all you knew, though, he was still undercover, playing house with his new girlfriend. It occurred to you in a painful fashion that it was possible that his charade had been going on for quite some time – but, you weren’t worried about any communicable diseases, as you hadn’t been intimate with him in almost 9 months. It had been so long since you’d seen him, you had to admit you’d felt single but betrothed for so long, that you didn’t know how to act anymore.

“Alex is gonna invite some friends over tonight, cool?” Kristin asked you before you headed to work. It was too early for conversation but she was doing you a huge favor by letting you stay there, leaving you no option but to be polite.

“Yeah, no problem, you know that. I’m not gonna be home until like 8 or 9 tonight. The kids have their poetry reading tonight and I promised I’d supervise,” you explained as you slung your bag over your shoulder. “But yeah, definitely fine with me. See you tonight.”

When you finally arrived back home that night, you were surprised to see that Kristin hadn’t been lying. Usually her some people meant at least fifteen people crowded into the apartment, but this time it really was only Kristin, Alex, and three of their friends. Two females and one male, whose names you didn’t catch as you went to your room and secluded yourself from the festivities in the living room. They were playing cards and drinking, which was a fairly common way to pass the time for them, you’d noticed.

Even though you’d been staying with Kristin for about two months and had grown comfortable there, you wished you had your own place again. Before you met Sonny, you’d scored a loft for a steal and had stayed there for two years. But, along came Carisi and your life was flipped on its head. He changed so much of your day to day, you wondered how you’d ever move on without him.

There was a knock at your door as you were changing into more comfortable clothes. You grumbled and opened it to find the mysterious man in the hall. It was a welcomed interruption. Human interaction normally meant not thinking about Sonny, and when he was a 6′1″ linebacker build with brown eyes and a mess of brunette curls, you were obliged to interact.

“Hi?” you asked, brow arched.

“Hey. Sorry to bother you. Alex said that you might have a phone charger?” he asked and held up his dying phone.

“I do. Yeah, I’ll grab it,” you offered and walked over to your desk to unplug the cord. “When you’re done with it you can just leave it in the living room, I’ll grab it in the morning.”

“Uh.. I was actually hoping I could hide out for a while,” he said with a nervous laugh. “Kristin and Alex are about five minutes away from being pornographic and Jennifer and Rachelle are.. not far behind. I’m the DD so I can’t exactly leave them. But, if not it’s totally fine!”

You shrugged and handed him the charger. “You’re welcome to hang out here. I was just gonna watch TV for a while.”

“Thanks. I’m Ryan by the way.” He plugged the charger into an outlet and plugged his phone in, setting it down on the floor. He pulled the chair out by your desk and sat down, considerate enough not to assume he could sit on your bed with you.

“Y/N. Nice to meet you, Ryan.” You sat down and turned on the TV in your room, scanning until you found a B-Rated horror movie on Netflix and settled in. Your bed was against the wall, acting as a massive couch lined with pillows and blankets. It was comfortable, and you felt slightly selfish for making Ryan sit at the desk. “You’re welcome to sit over here, by the way. I know that’s an uncomfortable angle and a hard chair.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” he confessed and stood up, finding a spot as far away from you as he could. “You haven’t been living here long have you? I feel like I’ve only seen you once.”

You nodded absently and pulled your knees to your chest. “Just like, a couple months. I had a failed relationship and exiled myself to Brighton,” you explained with a small laugh.

“Me too, actually. That’s why I hadn’t been hanging out with Kris and Alex as much. My girl – ex girl – wasn’t a fan of their company, said they were too wild. I dunno, they seem alright to me. It’s good to be free again.”

You looked over at him and smiled. “You might be onto something. It is nice to know that I don’t have to expect anything. Things just are the way that they are.”

“You’re really gorgeous though. I doubt you’ll be on the market too long – unless you want to be,” he added quickly. Compliments and common sense.

“I dunno about that one, Ryan. I thought I had a good one last time – you know, being so pretty and all – but he wasn’t really around much. Left me pretty lonely, especially the last almost year of the relationship.” You sighed, and then kicked yourself mentally. You didn’t want to appear vulnerable but there you were, admitting freely that you hadn’t been intimate in almost a year. “It’s fine though, you know, I’m tough and everything.”

The blush that flashed across his cheeks meant that he knew what you’d accidentally confessed. “I’m sorry that you had to experience that. I hope that when you’re ready, you’ll find someone who gives you the attention that you definitely deserve.”

Embarrassed, you averted your eyes to the television in time to see a poorly made up zombie trudging through the woods outside of an unsuspecting family’s home. You suddenly felt awkward, your face burning and your heart racing. The freedom of knowing that you could lean over at any given point and touch this new friend of yours left your head spinning. You’d forgotten what it felt to be with anyone but Sonny, and truth be told you’d almost forgotten what that was like, too. You spent the next half hour staring at the screen without understanding what was happening; anything to avoid looking at him.

“Why do women wear heels when they’re staying at a cabin?” he asked after a while, watching a woman run through a dense forest in stilettos.

“Because they’re sexy.”

“You don’t need heels to be sexy, you know. A woman can look great in shorts and a hoodie,” he explained glancing over at you, pointedly, as you were wearing his described clothing combination.

“But stereotypical sexy means cleavage, heels, and an air of damsel in distress,” you countered, trying to ignore his compliment.

“That’s not really my thing, I guess.”

“Yeah, mine either. I mean the stereotypical man – the whole Harvard or Hudson look.. I hate it,” you confessed with a laugh. “Give me some flaws, some rough edges, something else.”

“You’re in luck. I am flawed, and very rough,” he replied, then laughed. “Not like that. I mean. No, no, nevermind.”

Pressing pause on the movie, you looked at the time and sighed. “Ryan, it is my bed time as of twenty minutes ago. I’m sorry to interrupt your internal conflict but I really have to tell you goodnight.” You scooted to the end of the bed and stood up, walking to the door.

He followed suit and grabbed his phone, pausing as he stood in between you and the door. The world moved slowly around you as he leaned down and placed his hand on the back of your neck, pulling you closer to his face. When he finally kissed you, he pressed his body to yours and pushed you back against the door frame. It was aggressive and sexy, but it wasn’t right. You pulled away a few moments later and stared up at him in confusion. Yes, you had enjoyed it, but it just wasn’t right.

“I.. uh..” you stammered, taking a step back. “I really need to sleep. I’ll see you around?”

“Goodnight,” he said with a smile, and headed back down the hall. He turned around a few seconds later and stopped. “Hey, also? Next week Jennifer is hosting a Halloween at her place in Queens. Go with me. You’ll have a good time. I was thinking about being a Priest but I’m not sure yet. I’ll pick you up.”

Once Ryan left, you shut and locked the door, fighting back the need to sob uncontrollably as you washed your face and brushed your teeth. You slept like absolute hell that night, dreaming of Sonny everytime you closed your eyes. Had you made the right decision? Who knew if he’d even read your letter yet.

That broke me.

DISTANCE: 2

therandomfics:

“Sonny, please don’t go.” Begging, though not your style or expertise, was something you were willing to do when it came to the only one you loved.

His sigh and slumping shoulders gave away his guilt. Of course he didn’t want to leave, but if he wanted to make sure he took care of loose ends, he couldn’t be with you until it was over. “I have to, Y/N. I should have never came back in the first place. I put you in danger and if anything happens to you I’m not gonna forgive myself.”

Beneath the warmth of your sweater, your stomach was doing somersaults. One second you were hopeful, the next you were disgusted. Why must things be like they are? You chose to stay silent, knowing that pleading would only make him feel more guilty, and you didn’t want to hurt him.

“It wouldn’t be an issue if I hadn’t been out of that house for nearly five days once you got that call. That’s the problem. I didn’t have your number saved in the burner, I never called you while I was under. It was a risk I didn’t wanna take and yet somehow my best laid plans got shit on.” He was packing a few of his more casual clothing items to leave, having deposited his old bag by the laundry closet on his way in.

You wanted to tell him that whoever it was knew your name, but again with the desire to keep him more calm, you chose not to say anything. Instead, you sat on the edge of the bed and watched him pack. He was moving slowly, as if he wanted to take his time and be near you – but, you both knew time was almost up.

“Let me make this right, and I’ll be back,” he insisted, leaning down to kiss you goodbye. You held him tight for a moment longer and then let him go, nodding and fighting back tears. It was never easy to watch him go, but if it were easy, there’d be no point in staying.

It had been two months since you’d seen Sonny. The same disgusting feelings of wondering why you stuck around continued to float through your head, and after the first few weeks, you started to welcome them. Misery loved company, and you had become so very miserable. While you knew Sonny was working, it was hard for you to understand why he accepted the UC position, anyway. It was so dangerous, and while he was great undercover, you wished he had less talent when it came to being multiple people.

From your tidbits of updates through SVU, you already knew Sonny was working to get close to someone who they suspected of serial rape throughout NYC, and perhaps even down into New Jersey and Delaware. What bothered you most is that someone from the house they were staying in had called you and knew you by name, and now your better half was missing. Benson couldn’t give anymore information than she already had, and it didn’t seem like anyone else was willing to fork over any input, either.

It was better to try to live your normal life, though, even if it wasn’t easy. You worked during the week as a Instructional Assistant at a local Elementary school. On the weekends, you worked on grading the most difficult 4th grade spelling tests you’d ever seen. That was a benefit – being an IA meant you had all eight of the classes as yours, so you stayed busy. When you weren’t nose deep in gel pens and eraser marks, you volunteered at a soup kitchen, though sometimes you stayed home and sulked. Sulking was your favorite.

“What’s on the menu today?” a grainy voice asked on the other side of the partition.

“Good afternoon, Louie. Looks like we have spaghetti tonight, or broccoli cheddar soup. Pick your poison,” you replied with a soft smile. The interaction was nice, but sometimes exhausting, especially when you didn’t feel like pleasantries.

“Soup,” he replied, taking the bowl from you and moving on down the line. “Thanks.”

You murmured a ‘welcome’ and kept it going, serving the next thirty or so guests before everything was gone and it was your time to leave. Volunteering was pretty nice, and you wondered why you hadn’t done it earlier. You had been preoccupied with spending all of your time with Sonny that it was strange but fulfilling to do something for another person.

“I’ll see you guys next weekend. Thanks, again,” you called out as you left the building. It was dark and brisk, your kind of weather, as you stepped out onto the street. The only concern you ever had was that you weren’t in the best neighborhood when you did your volunteering, and it was always dark when you left. The walk to the subway only took about five minutes, though, and you usually hyped yourself up enough to make the trip in 3 minutes.

On the platform, you waited for the next train. Five minutes, hopefully less depending on traffic and whether or not people actually got off when they were supposed to, instead of lingering in the doorway so the conductor had to wait. A couple some twenty feet down from you caught your attention, giggling and twirling one another around. It must be nice. Seeing them out of the corner of your eye really made you miss him, but it simply was what it was, nothing could change that anytime soon.

The woman, in mid spin, lost her hat and watched as it fluttered to your feet. You bent down and scooped it up, meeting her halfway on the platform.

You offered her hat with an outstretched arm. “Here you go.”

“Thank you,” she replied, thick New York accent filling your head. She turned and walked back to her lover, falling into his arms again. You couldn’t help but to be jealous, and look on in spite. He kissed her gently, beaming at her when he pulled away.

The noise that left your throat wasn’t human, but it was loud enough to catch the attention of the couple. You recognized his face. No, in fact, you knew it too well. Sonny, your boyfriend, your undercover detective significant other, was entangled with another woman in front of you.

Lucky for you, the train came only a moment later, and you hurried aboard stood with your back to them. They boarded as well, at the end of the car, leaving you unable to react to what you had seen. Sure, he was undercover, and you knew that, but did he have to act like he was so happy? Had he ever looked at you like that? Questionable. And, if he was so happy, was he really undercover? Maybe it was all a ruse. You glanced down at them, noting that he was staring at you over the shoulder of the woman he was with. You averted your gaze to the floor and glared, wondering what her name was? Probably something cheap like Candy. Why did you hate her? You didn’t even know her, and plus it was Sonny you should be angry with. You thought he was going back to tie up loose ends, not tie up something loose.

Your stop finally arrived and you quickly left the subway station, nearly running up the steps to get to the street as you fumbled for your phone.

“Hello?”

“Amanda, it’s Y/N.”

“Hey, what’s going on? I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m worried about Sonny. I haven’t heard from him since he left and I didn’t think he’d be gone this long.”

She sighed, whether in frustration or sadness, you didn’t know. “He’s alright. I talked to him today. He’s working on something bigger now, trying to prove himself to the ring leader of that sick organization so that they’ll trust him. I know this is hard, Y/N, but you’ve gotta trust him, okay?”

“Why would you say that? That I need to trust him?”

“I-I don’t know, really, it just seemed like something you’d need to hear, that’s all.”

“Why isn’t he able to contact me?”

“He doesn’t want to risk people finding out who you are.”

“But doesn’t it look suspicious that he’s calling you, and you’re an NYPD Detective?” you countered, getting on the elevator of your building. “Or is this really just keep Y/N in the dark and hope she’s too dumb to ask questions?”

“Hey, no, you know it’s not like that at all.” In the background, you heard crying. “Look, Y/N, I’m sorry. I am. I can’t explain anything, but Jessie’s losing her mind and I’ve gotta go, I’m sorry.”

Alright, if that’s how everyone wants to act, then fuck them, you thought to yourself, dropping your bag on the counter when you got inside. If that’s how everyone wanted to treat you, to keep you in the dark and avoid the truth, you’d be a willing participant. You walked into your bedroom and pulled out your suitcase, the one you’d moved away to college with, got your first apartment with, and most importantly, the one you’d used to move into the apartment with Sonny. With a huff, you tossed the suitcase on the bed and unzipped it, beginning to fill it with as much of your clothing as you could muster.

Now it was time for someone else to be in the dark.

Right in the feels.

carisi-dreams:

anon asked: I’m knitting you a hat. With Sonny please

featuring nonna Carisi! comes sometime after this: Italy [asking you, pre-trip dinner, packing, walking, hiding, interlude, proposal, celebratory sex, market trip, vineyard, blush]

////

“I’m knitting you a hat!” nonna Carisi announced in a thick Italian accent.

The video quality was going in and out, but you could hear her clearly. She had insisted on wanting to try video chat so that she could talk to you both at the same time. Every since you had come back from Italian you had been keeping in contact with her, sending her e-mails, physical mail and reminding Sonny to call her every couple of weeks.

“Nonna, was that for me or Sonny?” you asked with a slight frown. The two of you had been talking about how cold New York was currently, but Sonny was usually the one she sent clothes to year ‘round.

“You, cara mia. It is too cold for a flower like you! Is Sonny taking care of you?” she asked, aiming a pointed look at Sonny to your right.

“I am! I promise, nonna. Breakfast in bed on the weekends, plenty of hot chocolate and I make her wear gloves every day,” Sonny defended. You leaned your head against his shoulder with a soft smile.

“It’s true, nonna. He takes very good care of me. We’ll go a vacation to some place warm in a couple of months when it gets really cold,” you assured her. She harrumphed and leaned back in her chair. The picture crackled and froze for a moment before syncing back up and distantly you heard the wind whistling around the bedroom window.

“Well good. But I’m still going to knit you a hat. Both of you,” she replied with a little sniff.

“Can’t wait to wear it,” you replied warmly. “But don’t worry about us. We worry about you all alone in that house.”

“Ah, I’m fine! Carisi women, we are very strong willed,” she replied proudly. Sonny snorted and you jabbed him in the ribs with your elbow. “And that little neighbor boy, Nico, he has been checking on me. Every time I turn around—bam!—there he is. I suspect my grandson put him up to it.”

She regarded Sonny suspiciously and you bit back your smile and turned your face slightly into Sonny’s flannel clad shoulder. The worn in cotton was soft against your face and it smelled just faintly of firewood. The smell reminded you that you two needed to get out of the city for a weekend and spend time at the cabin.

“I just want to make sure you’re taken care of,” Sonny replied with a raise of his hands. “Besides, I figured you wouldn’t mind having someone to boss around every once in awhile.” You glanced up at Sonny and his eyes twinkled with mirth. Shaking your head at him you pressed a quick kiss to his mouth before turning back to the laptop.

“Eh, I do not boss! I simply instruct clearly. It is better to be clear than not clear,” she replied with an unconcerned shrug. “Anyway, I must be going. Nico will be here tomorrow, no doubt, and I want to see what around the house I can have him do in order to be helpful. You take care of each other, hear?”

You and Sonny nodded as you smiled. “Absolutely. We promise. As long as you let Nico help you out, okay?” you replied. She waved you away, but smiled nonetheless.

“Sì, sì. We talk soon. ¡Vi amo!” she said with a little wave.

“¡Ti amo!” you and Sonny both replied with waves of your own before signing off. You shut the laptop and allowed Sonny to wrap his arm around your waist.

“We have a pretty great family, huh?” he asked, voice muffled against your head.

“We really do,” you replied with a smile as you stretched up to kiss him.

This filled my fluff craving!

Hi!! I’m too excited for fall!! Could I get some hcs on the poly fam doing sweet, wholesome fall things with their kiddo? Thanks, I owe you my life

adacarisi:

Of course, sorry I haven’t been as active as I’d like to be but thank you for sending in a request it really makes me happy. So at this point the baby is still pretty young, a year and a half maybe.

-Fall is always a favorite for you and Sonny. You love watching the leaves turn from green to amber and vibrant orange. Every day on his way home from work Sonny will find a particularly beautiful leaf and bring it home for you to admire as well. It’s his little way of reminding you just how much he loves you and how you’re constantly on his mind. Sonny sees you in everything beautiful, every sunset and every rainbow.

– Rafael doesn’t like the fall as much, it’s not cold enough for him to wear his massive coat that he likes but it’s too cold to wear his favorite tan coat. Fall is a wardrobe crisis for Rafael. Recently though, fall has been redeemed for Rafael through your child.

Keep reading

Ummm…this is so sweet and pure ❤❤

somewhatcarisi:

“Can I kiss you?”

Trigger Warning: gender dysphoria,, somewhat nsfw?

Word Count: 855

Request: “Can I kiss you?”, Trans!au

Pairing: Mike Dodds x Reader

He softly drug his fingers across the fading lines that crossed his chest. The straight incisions still stung when he thought about the day of his surgery. You always told him they were just a small reminder of who he is and how far he’s come since then. The sensation should ground him- but it only further disconnected his body and mind

“Hey, are you ready ye-” You stop at the doorway, caught by the sight of Mike standing in front of the mirror, in a pair of slacks and no shirt. His chest puffed out slightly and a slight frown on his face.

“Mikey?” He heard the caution in your voice and turned around to face you. A heavy silence filled the air as you waited for him to respond.

“Does it ever bother you?” The words came out quick and concentrated because he had practiced asking the question in his head before you came into the room.

Your head tilted at the question, making Mike wrap his arms in front of his chest to cover the scars. He could feel the shyness creep up his spine and shrugged his shoulders forward, tightening his grip on himself.

“Does what bother me?” You walk closer and move to softly grab at his biceps. He jumps at the contact but stays still. Mike grabs at his face with one hand and groans at the fact he’s scared to talk to you. He was quiet and doubtful when dysphoria hits him. The world slowly begins to spin and the bile rises up in his stomach.

“You know what I’m talking about.” Mike didn’t want to raise his voice above the soft murmur he had set when you walked into the room. He didn’t want to bug you with this, but the clenching of his heart and the knot in his throat tightened when he thought about his own body. It was frightening and he couldn’t help but let insecurity tumble from his lips.

He watched as you closed your eyes and took in a deep breath. A weight dropped in his gut, mistaking the inhale as a sign of frustration. You opened your eyes and set a soft smile on your face. Pushing him to sit on the edge of the bed, you settled between his legs, and took his hands into yours. The feeling of your soft hands wrapped around his, brought Mike’s heart rate down enough to appreciate the delicate hairs that frame your face.

“Michael Dodds, you are the most amazing man I have ever met. I love everything about you. You’re the love of my life and I would not have it any other way.”

His heart loosened at the words. You’ve said them so many times before but he could listen to you say it a million times over. No matter how selfish it seemed, he loved being loved by you. Still, something in his mind held him back from accepting the praise.

You felt the hesitation in his grip, and stood to softly push him back on the bed, with his feet still planted on the floor as his legs off the edge. His stomach did a flip as you crawled onto his lap and looked down at him with red cheeks, gently dragging your cold hands over his exposed skin. You cupped his face and spoke so softly he could barely hear you.

“Can I kiss you?”

All he could do was nod. You held his head in place as you placed a kiss on his lips. The kiss was all lips and love, it left Mike hazy when you pulled away.

“You are so handsome.” You whispered into his ear as you kissed across his cheek. His breath hitched at the feeling of your tongue soothing over the bruise on the sharp angle of his jaw. The kisses moved down his neck and he couldn’t help the small groan that left his throat.

“I love you.” He could feel your smile on his adam’s apple as it bobbed with anticipation. You kept an achingly slow pace, kissing across his collar bones and leaving small love bites in your wake.

Mike gripped your hips, encouraging the way you took your time going down, caressing every inch of skin you passed. When you reach the faded pink lines, skepticism made its way back to the forefront of his mind. The thought didn’t last long as you made eye contact with Mike and drug the tip of your tongue across the scar, torturously slow.

He could cry with joy. He wanted to remember the way you looked in this moment for the rest of his life. Pupils blown in pure adoration and the biggest smile on your face, looking at him like he was your world.

“I love every bit of you, Michael and I wouldn’t mind telling you that every day of my life.”

There was something about you that could erase every bit of worry he harboured. The scars still burnt his skin when he looked at them for too long, but he had you to ease the pain.

“i love you, please don’t go” + stodds?

transdodds:

Mike snuck into Peters bedroom to say his goodbyes and Peter knew why, on the actual day he would be standing with perfect posture in his uniform, not a shred of doubt or sorrow on his face, looking like a perfect soldier, a perfect son. But today, Mike wanted to just be with Peter.

At first they just sat on Peters bed, talking about anything except the fact that Mike would be leaving soon, that he might not return. They huddled together, so close it would’ve been hard for an outsider to say where one ended and the other began, and enjoyed each other’s presence, not wanting the other to leave. But it was Peter who ended up actually putting those thoughts, those desires into words.

“I love you, please, Mike, don’t go”

Keep reading

carisi-dreams:

takes place after mia is assaulted and a month or so before this

////

You heard the front door shut gently and you turned over in bed and frowned a little. Sleep was still weighing you down heavily, but you roused yourself enough to listen to Sonny moving around the living room. He had gotten a call from his niece right before he was headed home, shooting you a quick text message so you didn’t wait up, and you listened to his footsteps in the otherwise quiet apartment.

When he didn’t head to the bedroom after a few minutes you shook yourself again, already drifting back into sleep, and fumbled with your phone on the nightstand to look at the time. You squinted against the brightness of the screen and sighed heavily when you saw the time. It was late, later than you had guessed, and you made yourself push away the sheets so that you could twist out of bed and find Sonny.

You bumped into the edge of the dresser, more out of fatigue than not being able to see, and you winced and grumbled under your breath. Continuing down the hall you brought a hand up to rub at your eyes, trying to force yourself into a semblance of alertness, and ran a quick hand over your hair. Sonny wouldn’t care who you looked like, but it was force of habit to want to look good for him.

When you came to the end of the hall and rounded the corner you saw him sitting stiffly in one of the kitchen chairs. It was pulled up to the table and he gripped a whiskey tumbler in a white knuckled grasp that you could see even from across the room. Everything about his posture conveyed that he was in control, no defeated slump of his shoulders in sight, but it was the look on his face that succeeded in waking you up fully.

He looked haunted and his expression flickered between remorse, anger, and guilt so quickly it was like someone was fanning the pages of a book. You made a small noise to alert him to your presence and he startled before shuttering his emotions. Making your way over to the table you drew up a chair and pulled it right alongside him so that your knees brushed his thigh.

He was still completely dressed and you reached out slowly for the necktie around his neck. When Sonny didn’t pull away you began to unknot it, loosening it and then pulling it off slowly before folding it neatly and placing it on the table to your right. Sonny was still silent and you brought up a hand to the side of his face, thumbing over his eyebrow gently as you let him think.

“I did something wrong,” Sonny finally said in a paper thin voice. His gaze was fixed on the glass in front of him and you let your hand drift up to his hairline to run your fingers through it slowly. You made a noise for him to go on and you saw his grip on the glass tighten more before he released it all together and sat back in his seat.

“Mia was raped,” he said in a heavy tone. You frowned a little. You already knew that. Sonny had told you a couple of days ago about what had happened to her, Teresa reaching out, the school’s decision, but there was something about his tone that didn’t make it seem like he was just repeating himself.

“In December,” you filled in smoothly. “That’s not your fault, Sonny. It’s not your fault Teresa just told you about it n—” you went on.

“No,” Sonny interrupted harshly and you let your mouth shut with a click. He swallowed hard and offered you a quick apologetic glance before dropping his eyes back to the table. “She…she told me she wasn’t raped then. She made it up so her roommate wouldn’t be mad at her, then it spun out of control…she didn’t know what to do. I told her—I told her,” Sonny paused to clear his throat and you focused on keeping your face neutral.

“I told her she had to make it right. She destroyed this boy’s life, you know? Kicked out of college and all that…I told her she needed to at least apologize. I—I should have thought it out clearer. I was just so mad. I dragged Lieu into this and Teresa was all but blaming me for there not being enough evidence. Of course if she had told me back when—” he cut himself off with a disgusted expression before it smoothed back out.

“I told her to apologize. So she invited him over to her dorm and tried to do that and he raped her. For real,” Sonny looked up into your eyes finally. “He raped her because I told her she had to make it right. Now no one will believe her and he’ll probably get off. I don’t know what to do. I—and I told her not to say anything. To not say the first time wasn’t rape unless she was explicitly asked. I don’t know what to do. She’s my niece and I didn’t protect her and I don’t know how to make this right.”

You scooted closer to him and grabbed his hand in your free one. For a moment it looked like he was going to shake out of your grip, but when he didn’t you tightened your fingers.

“This isn’t your fault,” you started lowly. Sonny shook his head hard and opened his mouth, but you kept going. “This isn’t your fault, Sonny. It isn’t. There was no way for you to know he would react like that, and you were right that she needed to make it right. It’s not your fault Teresa didn’t call you when this was first going on. This is not your fault.”

Sonny didn’t look like he believed you and you searched his expression for something to grab a hold of. His bottom lip trembled a little before he clenched his jaw and looked away.

“What if it had been our daughter?” he asked harshly. You were taken aback and dropped the hand from the side of his face to his arm. “If it had been our daughter I told to apologize and she’d been raped, would you still say it wasn’t my fault? I wanted to protect her and I didn’t think clearly and I just dug the hole deeper.”

“You need sleep, Dominick,” you replied firmly and now he did pull out of your grasp.

“You agree with me,” he muttered in a sour tone and you shook your head insistently.

“No, I don’t,” you said harshly in a loud voice. It cut through the quietness abruptly and you pulled back. “No, I don’t. It wouldn’t be our daughter, because I have every reason to believe that she would tell her dad the truth,” you told him. He looked back at you with a hint of desperation and you continued.

“She’s going to trust you and know that she can come to you, no matter what. But if—if—for whatever reason she found herself in a similar position and she was assaulted, I’d never blame you. And neither would she. I’d blame the bastard who did it and then I’d do everything in my power to get him locked up.” Your tone brokered no argument and Sonny sagged back into his chair, letting his head fall into his hands.

“You mean that?” he asked in a muffled voice.

“Absolutely,” you answered firmly as you wrapped your arms around him. “But you’re going to have to kick the smoking before we have any babies,” you said lightly.

“Was Teresa. She smokes when she’s stressed,” Sonny replied with his head still in his hands.

“No reason for you to lie to me,” you told him in a neutral tone and he shuddered before pulling back and looking you in the eye as he licked his lips.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I don’t know why I lied. Guess I’m on a roll.” He gave a self deprecating shake of his head and you framed his face between your hands.

“None of that. No shame, but no secrets, either? Okay?” you asked him earnestly. He nodded and leaned forward a little and you met him halfway in a soft kiss.

“Okay. Okay. I’m sorry,” he breathed again against your mouth and you kissed him one more time before standing.

“C’mon. Let’s get you to bed. We can figure everything else out in the morning.”

therandomfics:

Ask Me Anything

You had been a social worker for two years now, all grown up and living in your own apartment in the busy and chaotic New York City. You were from a smaller, much less travelled area but went to school for your Bachelors and Masters at Hudson, and never left. The job wasn’t easy but it was rewarding, and you had been blessed to find a position outside of working for the State. From your graduating class, only a small handful had managed to avoid the doldrums of foster care cases, dismissed and thrown to the wayside until the child was 18.

Anytime you managed to find time to visit your friends from Hudson, you were reminded of how lucky you had gotten with your career. Of course, they might have found shit positions and mediocre pay, but they had found something more important – love. You preferred to tell yourself that they weren’t as happy as they seemed, but social media didn’t help qwell your jealousy at all. At least you could always busy yourself with work, right? Distractions were beneficial.. sometimes.

It was Friday. You were excited to leave the office, grab some takeout on the way home and hole up in the apartment for the weekend. The phone on your desk flashed and the receptionist, Anna, called out.

“Y/N. Miss Gardella?” She asked, correcting her greeting.

“Hi, Anna, what’s up?”

She sighed and you could hear the frown on her face. “I need you to come up front please. It’s.. well, please just come here.”

Hopping up and slipping your shoes back on, you walked to the lobby. Anna, biting her freshly manicured nails, turned to you and frowned.

“I’m sorry. You’re the only one here and this kid just wandered in, said his mother had an appointment here and he’s been waiting by the bus stop for her. It’s nearly 6pm, and our last patient left at 4:30.” Her brown eyes were welling with tears as you patted her arm and motioned for her to go back to her desk.

The little boy looked to be about 8, with carrot hued hair and a slew of freckles across his face. He sat kicking his feet, staring up at the television that was playing a loop of Dumbo.

“Hey, Buddy,” you said gently, sitting down across from him. “What’s your Mom’s name? I can call her if you want?”

It should have been easy – get a name, make a call, maybe he wandered off and she was frantic. But, no, that couldn’t be possible. His mom wasn’t a patient, and the amount of dirt on his clothing implied he hadn’t been home in a while. A few cuts, a lot more bruises, and the incessant grumbling from his stomach weren’t leaving you much choice. After half an hour, you locked the door to the office and told the little boy – James – he could stay and finish Dumbo, and Anna sat with the boy and gave him a bottle of water and several packs of graham crackers. The sounds of a circus faded as you walked back to your office. Leaning against the wall with your phone pressed to your ear, you waited for an answer.

“Special Vicitims Unit, Detective Carisi.”

“Hi, Detective. My name is Y/N Gardella. I’m a social worker at The Wellspring Center here in Manhattan. There’s a child here who just wandered in, seems like he’s had a rough day at the very least. I.. don’t think calling CPS will be too helpful on a Friday night…” you trailed off and stared at the diploma hanging on the wall. All of that schooling and you didn’t know how to explain yourself.

“Mrs. Gardella, I can be there in fifteen – maybe twenty minutes. Thanks for the call,” he said, and hung up.

“Miss,” you muttered in correction and shoved your phone in your pocket.

As promised, the Detective arrived in about 15 minutes. You granted him access to the office and thanked him for being so quick.

“James,” you began, and knelt down in front of the child. “This is Mr. Carisi. He’s going to help us find your Momma, okay?”

The boy only nodded, but grabbed at your sweater as you stood up and tried to walk away. It was flattering that he felt comforted by you, but you had zero experience in your current situation. You administered psychological testing, and rarely spoke with patients outside of delivering test results.

“Looks like you’re staying with us, Mrs. Gardella,” the Detective said with a small smile.

“Miss.” You offered him a return of emotion and sat down, allowing James to crawl into your lap immediately. He nuzzled his face against your chest and left a smear of muddy graham cracker where his cheek rested.

The Detective went through a laundry list of questions. Age, last name, Mom’s appearance, phone number, school, anything. The youngster provided solid answers and the Carisi relayed them to his Commanding Officer, a Lieutenant on the other end of the phone. Turned out, Mom was a junkie and Dad was doing hard time out of state for something undisclosed. Carisi took the boy with him and promised to keep you updated on the situation. You thanked him and locked up, finally heading home. So much for a cozy night in.

That night, you called your Mom and chatted for a while, then cried yourself to sleep.

Several days passed. No word about the child. Of course, legally they weren’t obligated to inform you of anything, but you hoped someone would call. Maybe Carisi would? You rolled your eyes at the thought – why did you let your mind wander? You didn’t even know him. He could be married. He could be gay. Maybe he was a terrible person. There was no point in fantasizing about a handsome NYPD Detective.

“Y/N,” Anna whispered, slipping into your office and shutting the door. “That hot cop is back! I told him you didn’t have any more appointments and he wants to follow up about the kid.”

You nodded and bit your lip. “Right. Well, send him in. And don’t call him a hot cop – that’s so disrespectful.”

Anna rolled her eyes and let out a laugh before she disappeared back down the hall. A moment later, the Detective stood in your door way, asking to come in.

“Detective,” you greeted and stood up. You waved him in and met him halfway, offering your hand to shake his. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been thinking about you.” You stopped and dropped his hand. “I mean the situation from Friday. Is he ok?” You waved your hand towards the chairs in front of your desk and then sat back down.

“That’s why I’m here,” he replied and sank down into one of the plush leather chairs. “I can’t say too much, but we found his mother and the situation wasn’t gonna work. He’s not gonna stay with her. We called CPS, got him into emergency foster care and..”

You leaned forward and rested your elbows on your desk. “And…”

“I called to check on him and he ran away. Hasn’t been there since Sunday night. Been missing three days now.” He furrowed his brow and sighed. “Sometimes this fucking job..”

“I’m sure,” you sympathized with a frown. He looked so miserable.

“I’m sorry. Hey look, I gotta get back to work but thanks for being decent and calling.” He flashed a smile and stood up, buttoning his suit jacket.

“Detective,” you felt like you were going to vomit. “How do you handle it? Isn’t it impossible? How do you go in every day knowing it’s like James or worse?”

He laughed – though you knew you weren’t funny – and headed for the door. “I can’t answer that now, but I get off at 7 granted there’s no new case. Can-“

“Yes.”

“Good. Then you can ask me anything at 7.”

Read this series…just amazing!!

how about thunderstorm with mike?

sweetcannolicarisi:

I was woken up around 5 AM by a thunderstorm. Not recommended.

You didn’t mind rain. You always thought it was beautiful and calming. It was the thunderstorm that you hated. The sky lighting up and hearing the roar of the thunder was not ideal to wake up to at 3 in the morning. You shot out of bed and listened to the rain pound down against the window.

“Sweetheart?” You heard Mike mumble. You slowly turned to him and frowned.

“I’m sorry if I woke you, Mikey. It’s just… the storm.” You said as you watched the room light up from the lightning.

“No, you’re fine. The storm wake you?” You nodded as you glanced at your husband.

“You know how much I hate storms.” You sighed as you curled up against him and closed your eyes.

“You know, you’re not scared of the lightning. It’s the thunder. Especially when it’s very loud.” Mike said. He was right. As if on cue, thunder echoed through the room and caused the bed to shake some. You pulled the blanket over your head to hide. Mike chuckled softly as he wrapped his arms tightly around your body.

That’s my sweet boy.