somewhatcarisi:

“Can I kiss you?”

Trigger Warning: gender dysphoria,, somewhat nsfw?

Word Count: 855

Request: “Can I kiss you?”, Trans!au

Pairing: Mike Dodds x Reader

He softly drug his fingers across the fading lines that crossed his chest. The straight incisions still stung when he thought about the day of his surgery. You always told him they were just a small reminder of who he is and how far he’s come since then. The sensation should ground him- but it only further disconnected his body and mind

“Hey, are you ready ye-” You stop at the doorway, caught by the sight of Mike standing in front of the mirror, in a pair of slacks and no shirt. His chest puffed out slightly and a slight frown on his face.

“Mikey?” He heard the caution in your voice and turned around to face you. A heavy silence filled the air as you waited for him to respond.

“Does it ever bother you?” The words came out quick and concentrated because he had practiced asking the question in his head before you came into the room.

Your head tilted at the question, making Mike wrap his arms in front of his chest to cover the scars. He could feel the shyness creep up his spine and shrugged his shoulders forward, tightening his grip on himself.

“Does what bother me?” You walk closer and move to softly grab at his biceps. He jumps at the contact but stays still. Mike grabs at his face with one hand and groans at the fact he’s scared to talk to you. He was quiet and doubtful when dysphoria hits him. The world slowly begins to spin and the bile rises up in his stomach.

“You know what I’m talking about.” Mike didn’t want to raise his voice above the soft murmur he had set when you walked into the room. He didn’t want to bug you with this, but the clenching of his heart and the knot in his throat tightened when he thought about his own body. It was frightening and he couldn’t help but let insecurity tumble from his lips.

He watched as you closed your eyes and took in a deep breath. A weight dropped in his gut, mistaking the inhale as a sign of frustration. You opened your eyes and set a soft smile on your face. Pushing him to sit on the edge of the bed, you settled between his legs, and took his hands into yours. The feeling of your soft hands wrapped around his, brought Mike’s heart rate down enough to appreciate the delicate hairs that frame your face.

“Michael Dodds, you are the most amazing man I have ever met. I love everything about you. You’re the love of my life and I would not have it any other way.”

His heart loosened at the words. You’ve said them so many times before but he could listen to you say it a million times over. No matter how selfish it seemed, he loved being loved by you. Still, something in his mind held him back from accepting the praise.

You felt the hesitation in his grip, and stood to softly push him back on the bed, with his feet still planted on the floor as his legs off the edge. His stomach did a flip as you crawled onto his lap and looked down at him with red cheeks, gently dragging your cold hands over his exposed skin. You cupped his face and spoke so softly he could barely hear you.

“Can I kiss you?”

All he could do was nod. You held his head in place as you placed a kiss on his lips. The kiss was all lips and love, it left Mike hazy when you pulled away.

“You are so handsome.” You whispered into his ear as you kissed across his cheek. His breath hitched at the feeling of your tongue soothing over the bruise on the sharp angle of his jaw. The kisses moved down his neck and he couldn’t help the small groan that left his throat.

“I love you.” He could feel your smile on his adam’s apple as it bobbed with anticipation. You kept an achingly slow pace, kissing across his collar bones and leaving small love bites in your wake.

Mike gripped your hips, encouraging the way you took your time going down, caressing every inch of skin you passed. When you reach the faded pink lines, skepticism made its way back to the forefront of his mind. The thought didn’t last long as you made eye contact with Mike and drug the tip of your tongue across the scar, torturously slow.

He could cry with joy. He wanted to remember the way you looked in this moment for the rest of his life. Pupils blown in pure adoration and the biggest smile on your face, looking at him like he was your world.

“I love every bit of you, Michael and I wouldn’t mind telling you that every day of my life.”

There was something about you that could erase every bit of worry he harboured. The scars still burnt his skin when he looked at them for too long, but he had you to ease the pain.