sofuckingchuffed:

Sonny breathed out a slow, steady breath before knocking on Peter’s office door, Carmen having long gone. He knew Peter would be here and not at home. Sonny knew him too well by now. After every hard case, after every difficult loss, Peter would hide himself away and drown his sorrows.

Sonny couldn’t blame him, not really. He only wished Peter would come to him, instead.

He let himself in after a beat, despite the lack of answer on the other side, and sure enough, Peter was sat on his lounge, drink in hand, staring unseeing into its contents.

“Hey,” he said softly, closing the door behind him, but Peter didn’t even acknowledge his presence. “I, erm…You did the best you could, we all know that.”

A heavy silence hung between them before Peter finally looked up, eyes tired, a little red-rimmed and glassy, but completely dry. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Just wanted to make sure you heard it from someone,” Sonny said with a gentle smile before making his way around the coffee table to sit down.

“Why do you do this?” Peter asked suddenly, and Sonny frowned.

“Do what?”

“This. Come here, check in on me. Why?”

There was something accusatory Peter’s tone, and Sonny tried to swallow down on his need to be defensive.

“Because I care ‘bout ya,” he said lightly, patting Peter on the back. “And ‘cause I wish you felt you could come to me.”

Peter sighed, shaking his head, before downing the contents of his glass. “You shouldn’t.”

“Shouldn’t what?”

“I’m a waste of your time,” Peter muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re an easy lay, that’s it. We’re both wasting our time.”

Sonny felt a flare of anger, bright and hot and blinding. “Are you serious?”

Peter just gave him a tired look, a look that made Sonny’s stomach churn and his chest ache. He stood up, prepared to leave, before he changed his mind, turning back around, finger aimed at Peter.

“I never, ever, asked for anything from you.”

“Of course you did.” Peter’s voice wavered, but his expression didn’t. “Your very existence demands attention. Your puppy dog eyes, your bright smiles, demand open affection. I can’t do that.”

“When did I ever ask you to?” Sonny was aware he was shouting now, arms spread wide.

“You’re here, aren’t you?”

Sonny scoffed, trying desperately to hold onto his anger, but he felt tears cloud his eyes as some of his fight left him.

“As a friend,” he whispered, voice trembling. “As whatever you need me to be.”

Peter rolled his eyes before pouring himself another drink, and Sonny’s heart broke a little.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Sonny whispered, wiping furiously at the tears that dared to slip down his cheeks.

“Just leave.”

“No. No, not until you tell me what the fuck—“

“I can’t!” Peter shouted, slamming his glass down on the table as he stood. “I love you, okay, is that what you want to hear? I love you, and it terrifies me.”

Sonny opened his mouth to respond, but the world seemed to spin for a moment, the taste of something metallic hitting the back of his tongue as is vision whited out, blinding in its intensity. There was a buzzing in his head, like a drilling in the base of his skull, growing louder and louder until finally there was just silence and a faint ringing in his ears.

He panted for breath as, slowly, the world came back into focus. He blinked, confused for a moment before realizing he had sunk to the floor. He closed his eyes again, focussing on his breathing, slow and steady.

“Sonny?” Peter asked quietly, and Sonny just grunted in response. “You okay?”

Sonny nodded, swallowing before opening his eyes again. Peter was standing over him, glass of water in hand, and Sonny forced himself to sit up before taking the glass from Peter’s hands.

He knew what this was, had been waiting for this moment his whole life, though he hadn’t expected it to be quite so jarring. But he didn’t want to be the first one to say it out loud. The truth was, he loved Peter too, had for a painfully long time. He just never thought Peter would reciprocate, let alone thought that they could be—

“Soulmates,” Peter whispered, voice quivering as he sat down, and Sonny turned to look at him.

Peter was smiling, kind of sad, kind of nervous, and Sonny couldn’t understand it. He knew a soulbond could only happen from an honest love declaration, where both parties felt the same, but he saw no love in Peter’s eyes.

“What are you afraid of?” He whispered, reaching out to link his fingers with Peter’s.

Peter sighed, closing his eyes, letting his head fall forward. “Losing you.”

This is my jam.