Choices-A Heartfelt Passages Fic

Taking a quick second to check your phone, you saw a text from Anne asking about your Memorial Day plans for this weekend. She and William wanted to take you and kids to Coney Island. That was easy, you had to work most of the weekend. But you did have Sunday and Monday off. You sent her a text letting her know. And of course, there was the daily text from Peter that remained unanswered like the others the had sent. Sighing you threw your phone back in the locker.

After work, you picked the kids up at William and Anne’s. They insisted you stay for dinner, you gladly accepted. “How is your friend? What’s his name…Peter,” Anne asked innocently.

“We-we haven’t talked in a few days. Schedules you know,” you answered. It wasn’t a lie. Just a half-truth. What could you say? ‘I’m a coward. He said that he loves me and I love him. But I’m too afraid to open myself back up again.’

William thankfully changed the subject. “So, Coney Island. Maybe you can meet us there on Sunday morning?”

On Friday, you were able to get off a little early so you could see the kids off with William and Anne. The rest of the evening you shuffled around the house, did some laundry and ordered some Indian food before you flopped on the couch to watch a movie. Around 8 pm your doorbell rang. Groaning you pushed yourself off the couch to answer the door.

“Peter,” you said with surprise. “What-”

“Well, you don’t respond to my texts or return my phone calls. I thought a face to face meeting was needed. Can I come in?”

You just there looking at him. “Sure.” Opening the door wider you stepped aside to allow him entry.

Peter pulled you to his chest for a hug. “I’ve missed you,” he said into your neck.

Screwing your eyes closed you wrapped your arms around Peter’s waist, but didn’t respond. When Peter leaned back to look at you, your heart almost broke. How the hell could you do what you were about to do? Backing out of Peter’s arms you gestured to the couch. “How is Pam?” She hadn’t been hurt physically but you wondered how mentally she was going to process what happened.

“She’s okay.” Peter sat beside on the couch.

“Good. That’s good.” Taking a deep breath you took Peter’s hand in yours. It was warm, comforting and engulfed yours completely. “Peter. I’m sorry I haven’t returned your calls or texts. That wasn’t fair to you. You have been nothing but kind and good to me and the kids. They adore you-”

“I sense a but.” He pulled his hand from yours and rested his forearms on his legs.

“I’m sorry Peter. I’m just not- I can’t.” Taking a few seconds you gathered your thoughts. “I’m damaged, Peter. I’m not good for you. You deserve someone who doesn’t have the emotional baggage I do. Someone you can be spontaneous with and doesn’t have to find a sitter…”

He rose from the couch quickly and you followed suit. “That’s not what I want.” When he spun back around, his eyes were pleading. “I want you. I want the kids. I don’t care what issues you have because I have some pretty messed up stuff in my life too.”

Shaking your head. “You don’t get it. We want different things, Peter. I don’t want to be with you. For me, it was just sex nothing more.”

“That’s a lie, Y/N.”

Jutting your chin and crossing your arms over your chest you stood your ground, even if it was about to crumble under you. “It’s the truth,” you replied in a small voice. Even you couldn’t believe what you were saying.

His face fell and he looked like someone punched him in the gut. He opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind. “Wow. You are a heartless bit-” Peter gave you an icy look. Spinning on his heel, he left you sitting on the couch, slamming the door behind him when he left.

The next day at work was slow. Very unusual for a Saturday and holiday weekend. “I’m gonna take my 15,” you told your co-worker who was currently working on his second crossword of the day. Louie waved his acknowledgment.

Once you were out if the ED, you pulled your phone out to check for messages. There were a couple from Anne of the kids splashing in the water, eating hot dogs and building sand castles. ‘Looks like everyone is having fun. Can’t wait to join you tomorrow!’

Nothing from Peter. Not sure why you thought there would be other than the fact that he texted you every day for the last three months. Your phone dinged again.

[From: Nick 4:36PM] having a cookout this evening. I know it’s last minute but wanted to invite you and the kids.

[To: Nick 4:38PM] I’ll swing by after I get off work at 7. Kids are out of town with William and Anne.

[From: Nick 4:42PM] Zara is with Maria. Should be a fun evening. I have tons of burgers and beer!

[To: Nick 4:45] sounds great. Can I bring anything?

[From: Nick 4:43PM] just your beautiful self.

You shook your head and grinned. Always a flirt. A night with friends was just what you needed.

Before heading to Nick’s you stopped by home to change out of your scrubs and clean up. Remembering there was a six pack of beer that Peter had left in the fridge, you grabbed it then headed out the door.

Hearing the conversation and music you unlatched the gate and made your way to the backyard. Nick had invited quite a few people. Liv, Tucker, Fin, Amanda and her doctor boyfriend, Sonny and his girlfriend Carmen, some officers you recognized from the precinct and numerous other people laughing, drinking and eating.

“Y/N. Over here!” Liv called. “Looks like everyone is kid-free,” she stated.

“Yeah a rarity for all of us at the same time.” You went around exchanging kisses and hugs.

“There you are,” Nick said as he came up beside you. He put an arm around your shoulder and placed a kiss to your head. “Let’s get you a burger.”

“Got a cooler I can put these in?” you asked holding the beer up.

He took it from your hand. “I’ll take care of it. You eat.”

A couple hours and a few beers later you were singing karaoke, badly, very badly, with Sonny, who was worse than you if that was even possible. The two of you were so horrible you got booed off. It didn’t matter though, you were having so much fun.

“Okay. Let’s just play some music, huh?” he said with a chuckle. Nick took your mic, then Sonny’s. “The two worst singers in America, ladies, and gentlemen! Give ‘em a hand.”

You swatted his chest playfully and Sonny laughed waving him off.

Nick put on some good dance music, grabbed your hand and spun you around then dipped you. The two of you danced for a couple of songs until a slow one came on. “Thanks that was fun.”

“Wait. You’re really gonna leave me alone.”

Looking around it was essentially you and him not partnered off. Rolling your eyes you agreed. “Just don’t step on my toes,” you joked.

Nick took your hand and put his other at the small of your back while yours rested on his shoulder. “Man this song takes me back to a musty school gym at my first dance in junior high.”

You laughed. “I had my first kiss to this song actually.”

Nick pulled you closer. “How about getting kissed to it again.” His lips were on yours before you realized what was happening. Then all of a sudden he was pulled away. “What the hell-”

Peter’s fist made contact with Nick’s jaw. Nick shook his head then came back swinging delivering a gut punch. Sonny and Fin rushed over and pulled them apart.

“Is he the reason you broke up with me? For him?” Peter bellowed.

Nick spit blood on the ground. “She made the better choice,” he shot back.

Peter and Nick started exchanging insults while Sonny and Fin held them back.

“Stop! Just stop!” you yelled above them. “What the hell is wrong with you two!?” The two men stared daggers at one another.

“What the hell were you kissing Nick?” Peter spat out his name like he had taken a bite of something bitter.

“Sounds like it’s none of your business, buddy,” Nick shot back.

“I’ve heard enough. Peter go home. I’ll call you later.” You turned to Nick. “Inside. Now.”

Nick smirked at Peter. “Bye Peter.”

“Nick. Go.” You gave him a little shove toward the back door of his house. When you looked back, Peter was watching your retreat.

Once in the house Nick went to the freezer, pulled out a cold pack and held it against his jaw. He studied your face. “What?” he asked.

“You damn well what Nicholas Amaro.”

“I saw my chance and took it.” Nick shrugged.

“But I didn’t tell you I ended things with Peter. How did you know? The only person-” You made a mental note to kiss Sonny’s butt. Leaning against the counter you pinched the bridge of your nose and collected your thoughts. “Nick. You know I love you. You’re one of my best friends.”

“Ouch. Friend-zoned,” Nick replied.

You shot a brow up at his comment.

“Sorry. About the kiss. That was wrong. But I’m not sorry about hitting that asshole back,” he stated.

“Thank you.” Nodding at where Nick held the ice pack, “how bad is it?”

“I’ve had worse from the kids I coach at the gym.” He grinned at you. “I really am sorry.”

“I know. C’mere.” You moved the ice pack. “Doesn’t need stitches. Keep icing it, take some ibuprofen.”

“Everything okay on here?” Liv asked as she poked her head on the door.

“Yeah. We’re good. Just getting ready to go,” you answered. “Good night, Nick.” You gave him a hug, which he returned.

Liv and Tucker dropped you at home. When you got inside you attempted to call Peter a couple times. Straight to voicemail. Either his phone was off or he was ignoring your calls. Your money was on the latter. Instead, you shot him a text.

[To: Peter 11:21 PM] I assume you are ignoring my calls. Touche. Not that I really need to explain myself to you but I will tell you what happened. I didn’t break things off with you for Nick. He kissed me and realized he overstepped. It’s fine if you don’t want to talk to me. I understand. I just want to know you made it home safely. Good night.

Saved by Sonny 2

//Here it is folks…the fic that will make you hate me!// Warning: language, some violence and death

“You okay in there?” Sonny’s muffled voice came through the closed bathroom door. “Been in there awhile.”

“I’m fine, Sonny,” you responded exasperatedly. “I’ll be out in a second.” Sonny was standing outside the door when you swung it open. You rolled your eyes and brushed past him.

“I made you a cup of tea. Want to watch a movie?” Sonny suggested as he started to follow you into the bedroom.

“Nope,” you answered.

“You okay? You’re being extra cranky today.”

You spun around short of the bedroom threshold. “I don’t want to watch a movie or a damn cup of tea. And yeah I’m cranky. I’m six months pregnant and for the last month, I’ve had either you or Liv or some other cop up my ass. I need five fucking minutes to myself, Sonny!” For a second you felt bad when you saw the pained expression on Sonny’s face as you closed the bedroom door.

“You want space? You got it doll.” The sound of Sonny’s footsteps echoed down the hall. You pushed yourself away from the door.

“Nice, Y/N,” you muttered to yourself. The bed was still unmade from earlier that morning, it crossed your mind to make it but decided to crawl in bed a wrap up in the comforter instead.

When you opened your eyes, the bedroom was mostly dark except for a sliver of light coming under the door. “I’m hungry too little man,” you patted your belly. “Let’s see what we got in the fridge.”

The apartment was quiet and still. No Sonny. No Gus. Sonny left a note for you on the table. I made chicken and noodle soup. Taking Gus for a walk. I’m sorry I’ve been crowding you. I’ll be back later. Love you both.

“Okay. Looks like it’s just me and you kid.” After eating, you curled up on the couch and flicked through the channels before deciding on some reality show. It was a mind-numbing show which was what you needed. “I am such a jerk,” you murmured as you thought about your earlier exchange with Sonny.

Just as you were about to text him, there was a knock at the door. Sonny must have forgotten his key. You pushed yourself up from the couch and shuffled toward the door. “You forget your-”

“Hello again, honey,” Joseph sneered. Immediately you tried to close the door, but he forced it open pushing you off balance causing you to fall.

Your head made a sickening thud as it hit the hardwood floor. The pain shot through your head, instantly making you nauseous and making your ears ring. You screwed your eyes closed and put a hand to your head then your belly. The last thing you remember was Joseph leaning down, saying something you couldn’t hear, then a vile grin spread across his face.

The apartment was full of cops, CSU and the squad. Sonny was standing, staring at the spot where your head hit the floor and left a small amount of blood.

Liv placed a hand on his shoulder. “Carisi.”

He dashed away tears with the back of his hand. “We had an argument this evenin’. She uh, she was tired of me coddling her. So, I took Gus for a walk to give her some space, ya know. She was sleeping. Thought I’d be back before she even woke up.”

“This was not your fault Sonny. He shot the cop we had posted outside. He planned this-”

“Like hell, this isn’t my fault,” Sonny spat out. “I’m her husband. I promised I’d protect her. That Joseph would never hurt her again. I left…” Tears spilled down his face.

“Oh, Sonny.” Liv gathered Sonny in her arms. “We’ll find her. I promise you.”

“Time to wake up,” Joseph’s voice broke through your foggy brain. He clapped his hands.

“Ahhh..” you groaned. Your head felt like it weighed a ton and had a dull ache made want to keep your eyes screwed closed. Your other arm was wrapped protectively around your abdomen.

You were in a small, dark one-room apartment with nicotine stained walls. There was s sparse furniture randomly placed around the room, including the stained, odorous couch you were lying on. Stale smoke and a pungent, stinging odor invaded your nostrils. The combination made you nauseous.

Joseph roughly sat you up, grabbed your wrists bound them with rope along with your ankles. “Ow,” you croaked. “Why are you doing this?” You turned your eyes up to Joseph and was met with cold, empty eyes.

He leaned in close, his breath hot in your ear. Cheap whiskey and cigarettes on his breath made your stomach roll. “Why?”, he questioned quietly. “Because you put me in prison you stuck up bitch!” He yelled in your ear.

“Yeah. And you know why,” you shot back. A glimpse of his hand in your peripheral vision was all you saw before he made contact with your cheek. It felt like your cheek and eye were going to explode.

“Now. Maybe you’ll be a little more amenable. Why don’t we call that husband of yours? I’m sure he’s been waiting to hear from us.”

“It’s been three hours.” Sonny ran his hand through his already tousled hair. I can’t sit here and do nothin’,” Sonny grabbed his coat from the chair and headed for the door.

“Carisi. No. Not a good idea,” Amanda asserted. “If you get a call, or they try to contact you-”

Fin approached the group. “We got Joseph on security cam carrying Y/N out of the building-”

“Carrying her?” Sonny’s phone rang, He furrowed his brow at the unknown number. “Carisi.”

“Well hello, there Detective. How ya been?” Joseph’s voice came down the line. Sonny signaled who it was and a trace was started.

“You son of a bitch. Let her go. If you hurt her-”

“You are not really in a place to tell me what to do. So here’s the deal. You get me some things I want, then we’ll talk,” Joseph remarked.

“I want to hear her voice,” Sonny stated.

“I’ll do ya one better.”

Sonny’s phone dinged. When Sonny opened the text he covered his mouth. Your face was red, and your eye swollen and your hands and feet were bound. “What do you want, Joseph?” Sonny inquired, doing his best to keep his voice steady. “I’ll get you whatever you want. Just don’t hurt her.”

“I’ll call you back in an hour with my demands. You better answer.” The line went dead.

The tech signaled that the call was traced. “Let’s move. Get ESU, and call Tucker. We’re going to need a negotiator.”

“What do we know?” Ed asked as he walked with Liv into the command center.

“Perp name is Joseph Andres. Got released two months ago after serving three years of a ten-year sentence for aggravated assault.”

“Detective Carisi’s wife?”

“Yeah. We’ve been trying to catch him for weeks. He killed an officer then kidnapped Y/N,” Liv informed him. “She’s six months pregnant.”

“Jesus. Made any demands?”

“No. He should be calling Carisi back soon.”

Tucker nodded his head. “He’s here? How is he holding up?”

“Not good,” Liv replied.

Joseph pushed the curtain open slightly with the barrel of his gun. “Shit. Fucking cops everywhere.” He paced the floor between you and the window. You held your breath anytime he got close to you.

“Just let me go,” you pleaded, “and they’ll all leave. You can still get out of-”

“Shut. Up. God, you never knew when to shut up,” he cut in. “I’m getting something for my troubles.” He picked his phone up and dialed.

Sonny sat in the mobile command center staring at his phone, willing it to ring. His mind started to wonder. His life before you had been good. He loved his job, his family and had some good friends. But something was missing. It wasn’t until he met you that he figured out what that was. He was smitten that second you walked into the room. Sonny smiled. It took a bit longer to convince you. Sonny jumped when his phone started ringing. “Joseph what do you-”

“Let me talk to someone out there who knows what they’re doing,” Joseph snapped.

Sonny handed the phone to Tucker. “Joseph. This is Captain Tucker. Before we get started, I need a sign of good faith Y/N is okay.”

“Sonny?” Your panicked voice made Sonny squeeze his eyes closed.

“I’m here doll. I lo-”

“That’s quite enough of that. Here’s what I want.” Joseph had a laundry list of items. “You have two hours.”

“That’s going to be tight, Joseph.”

“Not my problem, now is it? Oh and Detective Carisi the cash personally.” He snarled into the phone then hung up.

“Okay, Sonny.” Fin started. “Get in there, get your girl then get the hell out.”

Sonny nodded. “Got it Sarg.”

“If anything goes wrong, we can be in there in there less than 10 seconds,” Liv said reassuringly and squeezed his shoulder.

Sonny grabbed the straps of the duffel bag, slung it over his shoulder and started to the door of the abandoned building. He took a deep breath. ‘What if he couldn’t pull this off and you got hurt or the baby got hurt. It was just recently revealed that you were having a boy. Sonny had been thrilled to learn he was going to have a son although he would have been just as happy to have a daughter.

“Okay, Joseph. Detective Carisi is on his way up with the money. He’s unarmed,” Tucker informed Joseph as Sonny entered the building.

“Did you hear that? He’s coming to rescue you. A knight in shining armor.” Joseph gave you a malicious grin.

Sonny. The one person that could make this all go away. Make it all better. You squeezed your eyes shut. Sonny was your person. He was your world. He had brought so much good into your life. He taught you to trust again, love again. And how could someone not love Sonny? A faint smile crossed your lips.

“Snap out of it, bitch-”

“Call my wife another name or lay another finger on her and that’s going to be the last thing you do,” Sonny said confidently.

Joseph’s flashed with fear for a second before he recovered. He leveled his gun to your abdomen. “I think I’m holding all the cards, Detective.”

Sonny dropped the bag beside him on the stained carpet. “Don’t do this Joseph. You shot her, you’re going away forever this time. Take the money and go.”

“Joseph, please,” you begged. Begged for the life of your unborn baby, your life, Sonny’s life. It was a simple plea. One that you hope would reach whatever little amount of humanity he may have left in him.

Joseph lowered the gun tucking into the band of his pants letting you breathe a sigh of relief. He pulled a knife from a holder on his side and leaned over you. He put the knife to the side of your face. “You owe me one,” he whispered lowly. Then leaned over and cut the ties on your hands and ankles. You gingerly massaged your wrists and move them around. All you wanted to do was run to Sonny’s arms. Feel the safety they provided. He turned to Sonny. “Give me the vest,” he demanded of Sonny gesturing to his flak jacket.

“Okay. You got it. All yours.” Sonny slowly slid the vest off and laid it on the bag backing away.

Joseph kept his gun on Sonny while making his way over and putting the jacket on. He grabbed the bag and started to walk out the door. “Oh, Y/N. Remember when I said if I can’t be happy, neither could you?”

The gunshot rang out in the small room then another. Time stood still. You screamed you know you did. “No! No!” Rushing over to where Sonny was on the floor you went to your knees beside him. “Sonny? Babe.” You pushed your hand to his abdomen where the bullet entered.

“Doll?” He said in a rough voice. “Oww,” he hissed through his teeth. “I love you. Have since the first day I laid eyes on you.”

“I love you too Sonny. So much. I’m sorry for snapping earlier, I-” you choked back a sob.

“Hey. Stop. It’s-ahh- it’s okay. ” He put a hand to your stomach. “I love you too little man.”

ESU, Liv, Fin, officers flooded the room. “We need medics in here now!” Liv called out.

“Joseph is gone. Self-inflicted gunshot the head. He knew he wasn’t gettin’ out of here alive,” Fin stated.

“It’s gonna be okay, doll,” Sonny whispered and was able to give you a weak smile.

“I know it will be.” You smiled then kissed his lips.

Matteo Sonny Carisi was born two days before his Dad’s birthday. You sat in the nursery, slowly rocking your newborn son. He was sated having just finished nursing. Just like his Daddy, always happy after having a good meal. A smile crossed your lips. You ran a finger down his nose and across his chubby cheek.

“I’m going to tell you a story about your Daddy. His name was Sonny too. He was so excited to be a Daddy and loved your from the second we knew you existed. Your Daddy was the epitome of good. He was the most caring, loving and trustworthy person I have ever met. And I was one of the lucky ones to be loved by him. And I loved him. So much. He protected people. He protected us with his own life.” You laid Matteo down on his crib. “Goodnight sweet boy.”

Undercover Alt. Ending #2

Dominick Carisi was the last person you needed to be seeing right now. The NYPD rarely sends in another UC unless they think someone is in danger or they think the UC has broken rank. And you were pretty sure it was the later in this instance. Part of you was angry but part of you understood. For over a year you were loyal about checking in, but recently you hadn’t made the effort to do so. It had been weighing on your mind for some time. The intel you had been feeding to your contact the last few months was false. Even though you had thought about getting out, you were too deep now. Your biggest fear was coming clean to Luis before he found out the truth.

The next day when you woke and was out the door as the sun was rising. Early morning was your favorite time to run. There was something about the still, new beginnings, refreshed from the night before. You took the cool Autumn air into your lungs. When you ran all other thoughts were out if your head.

An arm wrapped around your waist, then a hand went to your mouth to muffle your scream. You instantly started kicking trying to break loose.

“Stop. It’s me,” Sonny said. He put you back on your feet.

“Jesus Sonny. What the hell is wrong you!” You pushed at his chest and ripped your earbuds from your ears. “If someone sees us…” Although it was highly unlikely given your location and time of day.

“I know. I’m going to make this fast. I’m getting pressure from Liv. She wants you out. Said they have enough intel to put Luis and some of his associates away.”

You bit your lip. “I just need a little bit more time. Make them understand,” you pleaded with Sonny.

He took your hand. “I’m worried about ya, doll. You seem way too involved and it just-”

“I’m out Sonny.”

“Out? What do you mean? Not-no.” The two of your stood in silence for a few moments. “What the hell are you thinking Y/L/N?” Sonny threw his hands in the air.

“I love him, Sonny,” you said simply.“I gotta go.” You pulled your hand from Sonny’s. As you resumed your jog, you were uncertain what you would do…

Sonny watched as Y/N disappeared down the street. He would do anything to keep you safe. He loved you. And not just as a friend, or partner. That was the first time he admitted it to himself. Whatever choice you made, he would have your back. Even if it meant going down with you.

Luis entered the bedroom, loosened his tie and threw it over the chair. “You’re still up. I figured you would be asleep by now.” He dropped a kiss to your lips. Luis finished readying himself for bed while he talked about his day. “Y/N? Did you hear me?”

“I’m sorry. Pre-occupied,” you gave an explanation, shrugging your shoulders. “Um, no. There were no problems with today’s delivery.”

“What’s on your mind?” He sat on the side of the bed. Attentive as always. He tilted your chin. “You can tell me anything.”

Tears welled up in your eyes. Coming clean to Luis in the middle of the night is not what you had planned to do. Since you had the conversation with Sonny last week, it was all you could think about. Doing it now was dangerous but not telling him was just as bad. “What I have to tell you, you’re not going to like it. You’re going to hate me. Hell, you may even-”

“Carino. There’s nothing you could say that would make me hate you,” he interjected.

“I highly doubt that,” you scoffed.

A knock at the bedroom door interrupted your confession. No one ever came to the bedroom door, unless it was serious. “What is it?’ Luis said in an exasperated tone.

“Sir,” Fernando’s muffled voice came through the door. “It’s Carmen.”

Luis and you both rushed from the bed and wrenched open the door. The look on Fernando’s face told you it wasn’t good.

Carmen lay motionless. Her chest rose and fell with the assist of the ventilator. She looked so small in the big bed. You held her hand, gently stroking the back with your thumb as you read from her favorite book of poetry.

Luis went home to shower and take care of a few things. Both of you had been at the hospital for the last three days, pretty much around the clock. It was late. Only you in the room and Cesar was down the hall in the waiting area.

You sat the book down, taking her hand in both of yours. Taking a deep breath you made a late night confession.

The day of Carmen’s funeral was bitter cold with snow on the ground. After the service, Luis had people over to the house. You were making the rounds greeting people, making sure the food was right. Luis had been MIA since you had got home. No one had seen him, including Fernando. You had a pretty good idea where you would find him.

Sonny caught up with you in the hall. “How ya doin’? How’s Luis?”

“Like you care,” you snarked. Sonny’s face fell. “Shit. I’m sorry Sonny. That- I’m doing okay. Carmen was such a good person. Luis is well, it’s a minute to minute.”

“I better go.” He kissed the top of your head.

You watched him retreat down the hall. “Sonny. Thank you.”

He gave you a smile. “Anytime doll.” You returned the smile then was back to your original mission.

“Everyone is asking after you,” you said softly when you entered the library. Luis was sitting in one of the leather chairs, fanning through a book. You sat on the arm of the chair and ran a hand up and down his back.

He nodded his head. “She loved this room. I think she was in here more than her own part of the house.” Luis hung his head, sobbing so hard his body was shaking.

You wrapped your arms around him and kissed his head. He leaned into your body. Tears of your own started rolling from the corners of your eye. Carmen was an extraordinary woman. She accepted you the first time you met her. “Want me to get rid of everyone?” you offered. “We can have this place cleared out in five minutes.” You sniffled and wiped your eyes.

He shook his head. “It’s okay. Just stay by me?”

Later that evening Luis came into the family room. You were curled up in the corner of the couch watching the fire. “Mama said if something happened to her, you were to have this.” He sat a small box in front of your on the coffee table. You gave him a questioning look. “Go ahead. Open it.”

The small box was covered in black velvet and had some age to it. When you opened the box you gasped. “Luis, I can’t…these are the earrings that belonged to your grandmother.”

“She loved you, Y/N. Made me promise to take care of you.” He took your hand. “The other night, when you were sitting with my mom, I was standing just outside the door. I heard what you told her.” His grasp on your hand tightened.

You paled. Your eyes grew big and you swallowed the lump in your throat. Your mouth was moving but no sounds came out. Your mind was racing, your mouth grew dry, you thought you were going to be physically ill.

Luis rose from the couch, letting your hand fall into your lap. He started pacing the room, one hand running through his hair. You sat in silence, watching him, wondering what he was thinking, what he was going to do. Finally, he spoke. “I have most of the answers I need, all but one. Tell me one thing. When did you stop acting?”

You cleared your throat. “About three months in,” your voice was shaky, “I realized I loved you. That has never been an act, Luis. Every ‘I love you’. Every time we made love. It was genuine. And I do love you, Luis.”

He looked over to where you were now standing, unsure whether to believe you. The conflict on his face was evident. He watched as you slowly walked to him. “So you’re just going to give up your life, to be with me?” He sounded surprised. Not many people, other than his mom, had ever sacrificed anything unless it was on their best interest.

“Yes,” you replied in a small voice. “I’m all in if you’ll have me. If you trust-”

Luis’ crashed his lips into yours backing you up against the wall. He pressed his long, hard body flush with yours. His hand held yours above your head, while the other cupped your breast under your shirt. “You. Are. Mine,” he said between kisses to your neck and lips.

“Yes. Yours,” you responded breathlessly.

He grasped your thighs and hoisted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. “Never leave me.”

“Never,” you gasped.

“Are you sure?” Liv asked not believing what she was hearing. She pushed herself up from her desk. “I- I’m speechless.”

“Love will make you do strange things. Make you risk everything you have, your life, friends, job…” Sonny looked down at his folded hands.

“Sonny?”

He looked at Liv and gave her a sad smile. He thought back to the conversation before you and Luis left out of the country…

“I could arrest you right now. Take you in-”

“But you won’t.”

Sonny stared at you. “What about me? What happens to me? I can’t-”

“Come with me, us,” you encouraged. “You are important in my life too.”

For a second, you thought Sonny might take you up on the offer. “I can’t do that, doll. My parents, sisters are here. Plus I took an oath.”

“I understand.” You stretched up to give him a tight hug. “You always have a safe place to land with me. I love you Sonny Carisi.” You kissed him on the lips.

He inhaled your scent. “I love you too.”

We have seen Mike (Fine Go) and Nick (Stripper Incident) experience a rough patch with the Reader. What about Peter and Sonny? Have or will there be a big fight that tests their marriage as well? I love how you write angst.

// thank you for the compliment. I enjoy breaking my own heart sometimes. LOL//

Sonny and the reader had some strife in “I don’t want to lose you.” I’m not above putting them through more though.

Peter and reader definitely have some drama coming up. I have some ideas swimming around my head but nothing concrete yet.

Undercover Part 2

A few days later you wanted to go into town to the farm market for some fresh produce. It would be closing for the season soon. You planned to make apple butter and possibly a pie. Luis was readying himself for work when you told him your plan for the day. He moved around the bedroom in just his suit pants and shirt hanging open showing off his washboard abs with his tie hanging around his neck haphazardly.

“You’re staring, carina,” Luis remarked with a grin and started buttoning his shirt.

“Sorry. Just can’t help myself.” You climbed out of bed. “Here let me,” you offered, motioning to his tie.

“You’re so beautiful.” Luis looked down at you with sincere eyes.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” you responded, then gave him a wonk. “There. Perfect,” you said. You patted his chest. “Want anything from the farmers market?”

“Some jams or jellies and whatever fresh veggies look good.” He leaned down and kissed your temple. “Take Cesar and one of the new guys,” he instructed. “I love you, Y/N.” He wrapped you in his arms and kissed you deeply.

“I love you too, Luis,” you responded after he broke away.

Sonny followed you as you wandered around the market. It was the first interaction you had with him since he had arrived. A shopping basket of fresh vegetables, apples and jams hung from your arm. He had been quiet all afternoon, which was a nominally for Sonny Carisi.

“You got everything you need?” The way he asked the question you knew he wasn’t talking about the items in your basket.

“More or less,” you informed him. “Just a few more things.”

“Here. Let carry that for ya,” he offered and reached for the basket.

“No thank you. I can manage,” you answered quickly.

“Yeah. I’m sure you can. Seem to managin’ things pretty well,” he concluded in a sarcastic tone.

Sonny stopped abruptly when you spun on your heel to face him. “You’ve been here for five days and that’s the only thing you have to say to me? I don’t know what you think you know, Dominick but you don’t know a damn thing,” you spat.

“I know that you’re screwing him,” he shot back in a low whisper. “You’re in love with him.”

“What are you jealous? It was one night, hence the name one night stand.” You thought back to that night. It had been a blur of drinks, a steamy cab ride back to Sonny’s apartment, making love all night, then you sneaking out the next morning without saying goodbye. That was the last time you had seen Sonny until a few days ago.

“Just didn’t realize you were so ‘friendly,” he said his voice laced with disdain.

“Fuck you, Dominick.” You shoved past him to pay for your items. Sonny trailed behind you.

Cesar opened the SUV door. “You okay Ms. Y/L/N?” He looked between you an Sonny.

“Just not feeling well. Thank you for your concern,” you replied and gave him a tight smile.

“Ouch! Shit! ” you exclaimed as the sharp knife cut through the pad of your thumb. You grabbed a dish towel, wrapped it around your thumb and held pressure. “Sorry about the language, Mama.”

Carmen, Luis’ mother waved it off and ushered you to the sink. She unwrapped the towel and ran cold water over the cut. “Oh mija. This looks bad. You need to see the doctor,” Carmen concluded. She took the first aid kit from under the sink and used the gauze to wrap it.

“Everything okay ladies?” Cesar asked. “I heard a scream.”

“Y/N cut her finger. I think it needs stitches,” Carmen informed him.

“I’ll pull the car around,” Cesar said.

“Really it’s not necess-”

“Nonsense. I’ll call Luis, let him know,” Carmen reassured you.

“Okay. Thank you Mami,” you smiled at the kind woman.

She kissed your cheek and walked you to the door.

To your surprise, it was Sonny opening the door to the SUV. “I thought Cesar was taking me.”

“You’re stuck with me,” he said with plastered on smile.

“Splendid.” You returned the same fake smile that you were given.

“Hey uh, I wanna apologize for what I said earlier. I was way outta line. I don’t think-” He was silent for a few moments. Sonny met your gaze in the rearview mirror. “I’ve missed you.”

“Me too,” you replied softly as you fought back tears.

Luis was all but running through the doors as you were leaving the exam room.

Relief flooded his face. “Mama said you cut your thumb pretty bad. Said you were making an apple pie.” It was his favorite pie and you knew he had been looking forward to it all day.

“Seven stitches,” you informed him, showing your bandage as you gave him a thumbs up. “I think the pie may be ruined. Sorry babe.”

He hugged you to his chest. “Don’t worry about the pie. I’m just happy to hear you have all your fingers,” he said in a teasing tone.

The dull throb from your thumb woke you. A glance at the digital clock told you it was 2 AM. Luis wasn’t in bed, which wasn’t too unusual. He didn’t sleep much. Most times you found him alone on the patio smoking a cigar, deep in thought. And that’s where you found him tonight.

“Hey you,” you said softly, pulling your robe around you staving off the crisp Autumn air. Luis had a fire going in the outside fireplace.

“Mi amor. Come. Sit.” He patted the space beside him on the lounger. You did as requested and curled into his side.

“I didn’t mean to bother you. I know you’ve had a lot on your mind lately.”

“You are never a bother,” he said reassuringly. One arm wrapped around your upper half. He gently caressed your arm and placed a tender kiss to your injured thumb. He snubbed out his cigar. “Wish it could always be like this, just me and you.”

“That would be nice,” you confirmed. It would be. If only Luis wasn’t a drug dealing sex trafficker and you weren’t an undercover detective. Why couldn’t have things been different. Perhaps another time, another place.

Sonny was right, you were in love with Luis and you didn’t know what you were going to do. You sighed and snuggled in closer to Luis’ chest. You’d deal with that when the time came. You knew that time was coming soon…

“Peter. I want to talk to you. And please, let me finish before you say anything.” Peter furrowed his brow but nodded his acknowledgment as he sipped his coffee. You took a deep breath before beginning. “These last few months have been taxing. And I know that you deal with stress well under normal circumstances. But you have had two major losses in less than three months.”

He nodded his head, looking straight ahead. His eyes were tense and his jaw clenched. You knew he wasn’t going to like what you were about to say. It had built for a few weeks and you couldn’t let it get any worse.

“I’m worried about you Peter. You’re coming home later every night, drinking more than normal or healthy and you missed my last prenatal appointment. Your just, not you babe.” You waited for his reaction.

Peter stood and started pacing. His hand rubbed the back of his neck. “I seem to be failing everyone lately; Pam, you, the kids. Sam and his Dad, mirror images of the relationship I had with my father. I couldn’t help Sam or his family, or those kids. I’ve let you down” His voice cracked.

“Hey,” your voice calm as you stood and approached him, taking his hands, “that is not what I meant, Peter. I love you so much. You have failed no one. Please understand that. I just worry. You know you can talk to me anytime, about anything. But this runs deeper than what I can do for you. I think you need to see a counselor or psychiatrist.”

Peter grabbed you, leaning his weight into you and sobbed. Your heart broke in that instant. You walked him to the couch where he laid his head in your lap. One hand soothed his back, the fingers of your other hand brushed his temple. Peter’s arms wrapped around your middle. You held him for several minutes.

“You’ll get through this and I’m going to be with you every step of the way. I got you, babe.” You leaned over and kissed his cheek. That was a promise that you refused to break.

Sonny sat at the end of the bed, head buried in his hands. You had been in the shower and hadn’t heard him come in. It had been a bad day you knew from his earlier text. Plus the coverage on TV.

“Sonny? What can I get you? What do you need?” Your voice soft as you stroked his hair.

He turned up to look at you with haunted eyes. You had seen that look more times than you cared to admit. “You.” He pulled you closer, grasping your thighs. “I just need you right now doll.”

Source: youngmadbadboy

Better to have loved…

//And here’s something no one asked for! Alternate to my Doddverse ending of Heartfelt Passages.//

The definition of tragedy according to Merriam-Webster: noun –an event causing great suffering, destruction, and distress, such as a serious accident, crime, or natural catastrophe.

synonyms: disaster, calamity, catastrophe, cataclysm, misfortune, mishap, blow, trial, tribulation, affliction, adversity

Isaac and Cora giggled as you pushed them on the swings. Issac looked so much like Michael. Mike would always live on in Isaac’s eyes, and Cora’s smile. You smiled when you thought about him now. Not that losing Mike hurt any less than it did the day you lost him, it was just…different now.

For months after Mike died, you let the pain, resentment, blame and anger fuel you. You were mad at everyone. It was strange. Munson was the one you were least angry, even though he was the one who really took Mike from you and the kids. He never went to trial, just plead guilty. Avoided the death penalty, locked away for the rest of his life.

Olivia took the brunt of your anger and blame. She left Mike alone in the house with Munson. Took away your husband and children’s father. You blamed William for getting Mike the job. Damn him and his ambitious plan. You had even been mad at Mike. Which of course was ridiculous. It wasn’t like he planned on getting shot.

The townhouse you and Mike were just making a home, you never returned. All of Mike’s belongs were packed up and put in storage, except for pictures and a few of his shirts. William and Anne insisted you stay with them and you did gladly. The thought of being alone scared you.

You cried every night when the house was quiet. Isaac asked every night if Daddy was coming home. William was angry and withdrawn. Cora had colic. You lost weight, hardly slept and alienated all your friends. You were on autopilot. Surviving, but just. Those were the dark days.

On what would have been your second anniversary, you took out your wedding album. Mike had looked so handsome. Some many happy faces. The two of you thought you had years left together. Isaac sat beside you on the bed and looked through the pictures. He asked you “Where’s me?”

You grinned. “Right there. In Mommy’s belly.”

Slowly you came out of your depression. Family, friends, a good grief counselor, and medications helped. You and Olivia mended your relationship. Eventually, you and the kids got your own place, you got a job at a local hospital and things were returning to normal.

You had even gone on a few dates, a couple one night stands. And you were fine with that. You weren’t looking for a serious relationship, just someone to get tangled up with between the sheets. You knew you could never love anyone like you loved Mike.

As you were getting coffee one morning you heard a male say your name and touch your shoulder. “Y/N? Y/N Dodds?”

Meeting Amaro III

“Oh, no fucking way.” You said to yourself. Bethany spotted you. She smirked and made her way over to you. This is not what you needed right now. Not that you were he surprised he called her. It just confirmed your suspicions that he was still sleeping with her. Even though he swore it was a one-time thing. God, you could be so stupid sometimes.

Bethany stopped in front of you. “Hey Y/N.” Her voice was sickeningly sweet and fake like the rest of her. She shook her head. “Sam said you pressed charges against him. Said you have some cop boyfriend that’s lying for you.”

“Why are you here? She gave a smug look. “You’re posting his bail, aren’t you? God Bethany. You are dumber than you look.” You started walking away shaking your head.

“Don’t be jealous, Y/N. He picked me. You’re out.” Bethany stuck her chest out and flipped her hair.

Nick came back into the squad room talking to a woman that was obviously not a friendly conversation. He made his way over in time to catch the end of the exchange. He was instantly upset, especially after the talk he just had with Sam.

“Bethany he is an abuser. Look at my face.” Pointing to your bruised and cut cheek, “he did this. You know how he is, what he does. This isn’t the first time he’s done this.”

She took in your appearance for a beat. “Don’t make him mad. Give him what he needs like I do. And I’m giving him what you couldn’t. ” Bethany placed a hand on her belly.

You looked at her in shock. “You’re-you’re pregnant?” So many emotions flooded your body all at once. Anger, hurt, betrayal, confusion… “How could-you know…

Nick gently grabbed your arm. “We’re leaving.” If looks could kill, Bethany would no longer be a problem for you. He escorted you out of the squad room into the hall. “You okay?” He turned you to face him, his brown eyes looked worried.

It felt like you were in some kind of a nightmare. Tears were stinging your eyes. No, not here. Your stomach rolled. Taking a deep cleansing breath, you tried to push down the nausea. No luck, you were going to be sick. Sprinting to the restroom, you slammed the door behind and emptied the contents of your stomach into the toilet.

Nick waited a couple of minutes before knocking on the door. “Y/N? Are you okay? Can I get you anything?”

After splashing water on your face and rinsing your mouth, you exited the restroom. Nick looked at you, face etched with concern. “Just- I want to go home.” You wrapped your arms around yourself, trying to warm yourself.

“Sure.” He started to put his arm around you but stopped. You were a victim, he couldn’t overstep that boundary. His protective nature kicked into overdrive, especially after witnessing the conversation with Bethany and the one he had with Sam.

Meeting Amaro II

*mentions of physical abuse*

“What the hell was that? You were fucking him with your eyes, Y/N” Sam barked. “Another couple minutes and I think you would have screwed him right there.” Sam pushed you up against the car.

“Well, at least I didn’t fuck a co-worker, Sam. Someone I have to see every day.” You regretted the words as soon as they left your mouth. Sam backhanded you across the cheek so hard you saw stars and tears stung your eyes.

Sam grabbed your shoulders and slammed you against the car.”Oof.” The wind was knocked out of you.

“That wouldn’t have happened if-”

“NYPD. Back away from her Sam.” The strong voice was a welcome sound. “Now turn around, slowly. Put your hands behind your head.”

Sam narrowed his eyes at you. “This isn’t over.” He gave you a malicious smile before turning around, making your skin crawl.

Nick hurried over, handcuffed Sam, shoved him in his car, then radioed for a patrol car and a medic. Once that was done, he approached you. He gently grasped your shoulders. “Are you okay?” He gingerly touched your face where a bruise was already forming.

You sucked air through your teeth and winced. “Ah.” Nick’s jaw clenched at your pain. “I’m fine. Really. I’ve had…,” you cleared your throat. “I’m fine.”

You saw the disbelief in his eyes. Nick shook his head. “This isn’t the first time he-” Nick stopped his question. He already knew the answer. He scratched the back of his neck. “I’m sorry. It’s not any…”

The arrival of the squad and cops halted the conversation, much to your relief. This was not a conversation you wanted to have with a stranger. A medic helped you onto the back of the squad. You watched as Nick hauled Sam out of his car and into the cruiser.

“So how soon will he be out?” Nick looked surprised at your question. You averted your gaze from NIck to your feet.

“I don’t think anything is broke, but you should still get an X-ray. Examined for a concussion.” The medic put a small bandage over the small cut on your cheek.

You nodded your head. “Thanks.” When you looked back to Nick, he was studying you. “It’s not as bad as it looks.”

“Uh, you’ll need to give a statement. I assume you are pressing charges?” You nodded in the affirmative. Nick offered his hand to help you from the squad. “C’mon. I’ll give you a ride. But first, the hospital.”

Nick left you with one of the officers to give your statement. “I’ll be right back.” He touched your shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“Hey, Marino. How ya doin’?” They shook hands and exchanged pleasantries.

“Nick. You gotta see this guys file.” He pushed it to him. “I don’t know how he is still on the streets, let alone a doctor.”

Multiple assault, domestic violence, harassment and other charges- all dropped or dismissed. A couple were from you, the rest were from other women, over the last 10 years. He looked over where you were sitting. Now he understood your question about how soon Sam would be out.

“He is a piece of work. She okay?” Marino nodded toward you.

Looking over to where you were sitting, he sighed. “Yeah. She will be. I’ll be sure of it.” He turned back to Marino. “Where is he?”

“Mr.- excuse me, Dr. Wonderful,” Marino said sarcastically, “is making his one phone call.”

“Hey, baby. It’s Sam. I need something-” He chuckled. “We’ll get to that later. I need a favor…”