carisi-dreams:

takes place after mia is assaulted and a month or so before this

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You heard the front door shut gently and you turned over in bed and frowned a little. Sleep was still weighing you down heavily, but you roused yourself enough to listen to Sonny moving around the living room. He had gotten a call from his niece right before he was headed home, shooting you a quick text message so you didn’t wait up, and you listened to his footsteps in the otherwise quiet apartment.

When he didn’t head to the bedroom after a few minutes you shook yourself again, already drifting back into sleep, and fumbled with your phone on the nightstand to look at the time. You squinted against the brightness of the screen and sighed heavily when you saw the time. It was late, later than you had guessed, and you made yourself push away the sheets so that you could twist out of bed and find Sonny.

You bumped into the edge of the dresser, more out of fatigue than not being able to see, and you winced and grumbled under your breath. Continuing down the hall you brought a hand up to rub at your eyes, trying to force yourself into a semblance of alertness, and ran a quick hand over your hair. Sonny wouldn’t care who you looked like, but it was force of habit to want to look good for him.

When you came to the end of the hall and rounded the corner you saw him sitting stiffly in one of the kitchen chairs. It was pulled up to the table and he gripped a whiskey tumbler in a white knuckled grasp that you could see even from across the room. Everything about his posture conveyed that he was in control, no defeated slump of his shoulders in sight, but it was the look on his face that succeeded in waking you up fully.

He looked haunted and his expression flickered between remorse, anger, and guilt so quickly it was like someone was fanning the pages of a book. You made a small noise to alert him to your presence and he startled before shuttering his emotions. Making your way over to the table you drew up a chair and pulled it right alongside him so that your knees brushed his thigh.

He was still completely dressed and you reached out slowly for the necktie around his neck. When Sonny didn’t pull away you began to unknot it, loosening it and then pulling it off slowly before folding it neatly and placing it on the table to your right. Sonny was still silent and you brought up a hand to the side of his face, thumbing over his eyebrow gently as you let him think.

“I did something wrong,” Sonny finally said in a paper thin voice. His gaze was fixed on the glass in front of him and you let your hand drift up to his hairline to run your fingers through it slowly. You made a noise for him to go on and you saw his grip on the glass tighten more before he released it all together and sat back in his seat.

“Mia was raped,” he said in a heavy tone. You frowned a little. You already knew that. Sonny had told you a couple of days ago about what had happened to her, Teresa reaching out, the school’s decision, but there was something about his tone that didn’t make it seem like he was just repeating himself.

“In December,” you filled in smoothly. “That’s not your fault, Sonny. It’s not your fault Teresa just told you about it n—” you went on.

“No,” Sonny interrupted harshly and you let your mouth shut with a click. He swallowed hard and offered you a quick apologetic glance before dropping his eyes back to the table. “She…she told me she wasn’t raped then. She made it up so her roommate wouldn’t be mad at her, then it spun out of control…she didn’t know what to do. I told her—I told her,” Sonny paused to clear his throat and you focused on keeping your face neutral.

“I told her she had to make it right. She destroyed this boy’s life, you know? Kicked out of college and all that…I told her she needed to at least apologize. I—I should have thought it out clearer. I was just so mad. I dragged Lieu into this and Teresa was all but blaming me for there not being enough evidence. Of course if she had told me back when—” he cut himself off with a disgusted expression before it smoothed back out.

“I told her to apologize. So she invited him over to her dorm and tried to do that and he raped her. For real,” Sonny looked up into your eyes finally. “He raped her because I told her she had to make it right. Now no one will believe her and he’ll probably get off. I don’t know what to do. I—and I told her not to say anything. To not say the first time wasn’t rape unless she was explicitly asked. I don’t know what to do. She’s my niece and I didn’t protect her and I don’t know how to make this right.”

You scooted closer to him and grabbed his hand in your free one. For a moment it looked like he was going to shake out  of your grip, but when he didn’t you tightened your fingers.

“This isn’t your fault,” you started lowly. Sonny shook his head hard and opened his mouth, but you kept going. “This isn’t your fault, Sonny. It isn’t. There was no way for you to know he would react like that, and you were right that she needed to make it right. It’s not your fault Teresa didn’t call you when this was first going on. This is not your fault.”

Sonny didn’t look like he believed you and you searched his expression for something to grab a hold of. His bottom lip trembled a little before he clenched his jaw and looked away.

“What if it had been our daughter?” he asked harshly. You were taken aback and dropped the hand from the side of his face to his arm. “If it had been our daughter I told to apologize and she’d been raped, would you still say it wasn’t my fault? I wanted to protect her and I didn’t think clearly and I just dug the hole deeper.”

“You need sleep, Dominick,” you replied firmly and now he did pull out of your grasp.

“You agree with me,” he muttered in a sour tone and you shook your head insistently.

“No, I don’t,” you said harshly in a loud voice. It cut through the quietness abruptly and you pulled back. “No, I don’t. It wouldn’t be our daughter, because I have every reason to believe that she would tell her dad the truth,” you told him. He looked back at you with a hint of desperation and you continued.

“She’s going to trust you and know that she can come to you, no matter what. But if—if—for whatever reason she found herself in a similar position and she was assaulted, I’d never blame you. And neither would she. I’d blame the bastard who did it and then I’d do everything in my power to get him locked up.” Your tone brokered no argument and Sonny sagged back into his chair, letting his head fall into his hands.

“You mean that?” he asked in a muffled voice.

“Absolutely,” you answered firmly as you wrapped your arms around him. “But you’re going to have to kick the smoking before we have any babies,” you said lightly.

“Was Teresa. She smokes when she’s stressed,” Sonny replied with his head still in his hands.

“No reason for you to lie to me,” you told him in a neutral tone and he shuddered before pulling back and looking you in the eye as he licked his lips.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I don’t know why I lied. Guess I’m on a roll.” He gave a self deprecating shake of his head and you framed his face between your hands.

“None of that. No shame, but no secrets, either? Okay?” you asked him earnestly. He nodded and leaned forward a little and you met him halfway in a soft kiss.

“Okay. Okay. I’m sorry,” he breathed again against your mouth and you kissed him one more time before standing.

“C’mon. Let’s get you to bed. We can figure everything else out in the morning.”