This broke my heart to write. Also, this is my first angsty fic so I’m super excited to hear everyone’s thoughts.
“Just stop. Stop.” Nick stood in front of your front door, blocking your path. You let go of the handle of your suitcase
“What Nick?” You exclaimed, placing your hands on your hips.
“Just give me a second Y/N, please,” he ran a hand down his face and pinched the bridge of his nose before exhaling. “What can I do? Tell me something I can do to make you stay.”
“That’s just it Nick! You can’t do anything. You think this was a spur of the moment decision? I’ve been thinking of leaving for weeks and I just came to the conclusion that it’s what’s best for both of us.” You told him. It was starting to annoy you how he thought you’d be so careless as to make such a big decision with no thought. After a two-year long relationship, you thought he’d known you better than that.
“Okay,” he drew a long sigh, “Can you at least tell me why?” His voice cracked as he leaned against the kitchen island and stared at you.
“It isn’t working anymore Nick,” you inhaled sharply and looked up as your eyes became glossy, tears threatening to fall. “We haven’t worked for a while. And I tried so hard to convince myself we were fine. So, unbelievably hard. But we aren’t. And there’s no way to fix us.”
He pushed himself off the counter and strode towards you, placing his hands on your arms.
“Look, I love you. I thought you loved me. C’mon, we can make this work. It’ll take a lot of time and effort, but we can do this.”
“I thought I loved you too. And maybe I did in the beginning. But now? This isn’t love. While you may not believe it now, you don’t love me as much as you think you do,” you whispered.
He stepped away from you, visibly wounded by your words. You knew that one of his worst fears was that you never loved him. You’d talked about it at length when you first became serious, and you reassured him many times. That was back when you believed you did.
“You—“ he stopped himself and you could physically see his anger level rising. “You don’t get to tell me how I feel, Y/N! Where the hell is this coming from? We were fine the other day.” He looked genuinely confused and thoroughly pissed off, racking his brain for any warning signs that you felt this way.
“Nick, the last time we’ve had a conversation that lasted longer than a minute was over a week ago. I feel like I’m the only one living here most of the time.” You pointed out, leaving your luggage where it was and moving to sit on the living room couch. You knew you wouldn’t be able to leave anytime soon with the way this conversation was going.
Nick started to talk but you interrupted him.
“I know, work takes so much of your time. But in the past months, we were supposed to buy a house together, go on vacation, and do so much. Things haven’t been the same since…” you trailed off, not sure this was the way you wanted the conversation to go.
“Since what?” Nick questioned, slightly annoyed but eager for you to finish your sentence. He was now standing a couple of feet in front of you with both arms crossed in front of his chest.
“We haven’t been the same since we lost the baby.” You finished, moving your gaze up from the ground to meet his, revealing the tears that had escaped your eyes.
His gaze significantly softened, and he moved over to sit next to you, keeping a reasonable distance between your bodies.
“We – I thought we handled that,” He reached for your hand before you shot up from the couch and whirled around to face him.
“You don’t just handle a miscarriage, Nick!” You yelled. “Maybe you can, but I can’t get over losing Rose before she even came out of me.” You were sobbing at this point, pushing away any attempts Nick made to console you.
“Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I’m still pregnant, or that she’s in the nursery we never got to build. Then, I remember the truth and I feel like I’m going through this all over again. And you know who’s not there? Who’s on a stakeout or drinking or filing paperwork or God knows what else? You.” You let out a large breath, almost winded from your screaming before starting again.
“I’m sorry,” Nick started, voice lowered. “I didn’t know you felt like that. But you should know I was affected too. I could hardly keep concentrated on any kid case for months because I kept thinking of her. I couldn’t tell you, because I knew you had it worse. But it hurt going through that alone.”
“That’s what I’m trying to say, don’t you see?” You pleaded. “ You aren’t there for me. And I know. I know you’re doing God’s work out there. You save lives, Nick. Which is why I could never blame you. But I can’t be there for you either, at least not now. I don’t think either of us can move on if we don’t move on from each other.”
Nick stood up, noticeably calmer, and placed his hands on either side of your face.
“Please, don’t do this.” He begged, searching your eyes for any sign of hesitation. He could tell even as he said the words, that you’d already made up your mind.
“I have to.” you whispered lightly, and he nodded before wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into him tightly. You looped your arms around his neck and buried your head into his shoulder, the last of your tears and a sob escaping you.
After a minute, you reluctantly let go and he followed suit. You wiped away your tears with the back of your hand and walked a couple feet to your previously abandoned suitcase, taking ahold of the handle.
“Bye Nick,” you turned to face the man you had once thought was the love of your life and gave a weak, teary smile. “Take care.”
He returned a close-lipped smile, and nodded as you went to open the door.
“You too. Bye, Y/N.”
As you closed the door, you saw Nick sat down on the couch, head buried in his hands.
You pressed your back against the hallway wall and looked up at the ceiling with a sigh. You had no idea where you were going to go from there.
wow I want to apologize for this. This was… bad? Idk. Kind of angsty tho
You stared at Nick as he came into the house, slamming the door behind him. His father was back in town and Nick was always on edge when he was in town. You looked over Nick and went to say something when the small of alcohol hit you like a brick wall.
“Oh my God, did you just end up drinking the entire bar?” You asked as he gave you a look.
“Why the fuck do you care?” He mumbled as he shrugged his coat off as he threw it at the kitchen table.
“You’re drunk, aren’t you?” You asked. Nick number before he walked to the kitchen to the fridge.
“What if I am?” Nick mumbled as he pulled a beer out of the fridge. As he went to grab a beer, you shut the fridge door. He glared at you.
“You’re drunk, Nick. Is this because your father is in town?” You said. Nick rolled his eyes as he tried to grab the the handle of the fridge.
“Does it fucking matter? I’m thirsty.” Nick tried to open the door but once he did, you closed it again.
“Nicholas! Just go to the bedroom and sleep. I’ll bring you water.” You mumbled as you turned to grab a glass for water.
“Why are you being such a bitch to me tonight? You won’t let me go out and drink without questioning me, I can drink in the comfort of my own home!” Nick shouted. You tried to not shrug away from him but you did. Nick was scary when he was angry.
“Excuse me? You’re the drunk one here. Just because your father is in town doesn’t mean you can get drunk! I expected you home for dinner! And you never came home! You didn’t even call or text me! I had to ask Amanda if she knew where you were.” Tears were in your eyes. Nick turned away a slammed his fist against the fridge, creating a dent in it.
“You don’t know what it’s like! You had the perfect fucking life! I had to deal with an abusive father that would smack me, my mom and sister around all the fucking time! But I’m the bad guy! I won’t accept him back into my life after what he did to me.” Nick said. You frowned as you took a step towards him.
“Drinking won’t help, Nicky. You don’t want to turn into him you alway say but when you’re drunk like this? You might as well be just like him.” You threw your hands up and watched him.
“Don’t you dare compare me to him! I’ve never laid a hand on you! I never plan on it!” Nick shouted at you. You flinched back some as he got in your face.
“N-Nick, you’re scaring me. Back up.” You said as you took a step away from him. He clenched his jaw some and watched you.
“Oh, I scare you? Huh?” Nick walked towards you slowly as you kept backing up until you were up against the wall.
“S-stay away from me, Nick! I’m warning you!” You said. Nick was only a foot or two away from you when he punched the spot beside your head. Nick stared at you before turning and walking. You heard the door slam close behind Nick as he left as you slowly slid down the wall.
You knew Nick had anger issues and every time his father was mentioned or was to visit the city, you knew he would get upset. But to drink this much, come home drunk and then try to drink more? In all your years of knowing Nick, you’ve never seen this side of him. You just sat there on the floor with tears streaming down your face. He just walked out. You were praying he’d make it back home, safe and in one piece.
When you haven’t saved your file in awhile and suddenly the cursor freezes
“She had four normal, uncomplicated pregnancies. Then at seven months, she goes into pre-term labor, that the doctor was thankfully able to stop.” Sonny’s face was etched with worry and frustration as he sat down across from Amanda. “Doctor doesn’t know why it happened. She’s on bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy. If somethin’…they’re my world ya know.“
SVU addict 