Dominick Carisi was the last person you needed to be seeing right now. The NYPD rarely sends in another UC unless they think someone is in danger or they think the UC has broken rank. And you were pretty sure it was the later in this instance. Part of you was angry but part of you understood. For over a year you were loyal about checking in, but recently you hadn’t made the effort to do so. It had been weighing on your mind for some time. The intel you had been feeding to your contact the last few months was false. Even though you had thought about getting out, you were too deep now. Your biggest fear was coming clean to Luis before he found out the truth.
The next day when you woke and was out the door as the sun was rising. Early morning was your favorite time to run. There was something about the still, new beginnings, refreshed from the night before. You took the cool Autumn air into your lungs. When you ran all other thoughts were out if your head.
An arm wrapped around your waist, then a hand went to your mouth to muffle your scream. You instantly started kicking trying to break loose.
“Stop. It’s me,” Sonny said. He put you back on your feet.
“Jesus Sonny. What the hell is wrong you!” You pushed at his chest and ripped your earbuds from your ears. “If someone sees us…” Although it was highly unlikely given your location and time of day.
“I know. I’m going to make this fast. I’m getting pressure from Liv. She wants you out. Said they have enough intel to put Luis and some of his associates away.”
You bit your lip. “I just need a little bit more time. Make them understand,” you pleaded with Sonny.
He took your hand. “I’m worried about ya, doll. You seem way too involved and it just-”
“I’m out Sonny.”
“Out? What do you mean? Not-no.” The two of your stood in silence for a few moments. “What the hell are you thinking Y/L/N?” Sonny threw his hands in the air.
“I love him, Sonny,” you said simply.“I gotta go.” You pulled your hand from Sonny’s. As you resumed your jog, you were uncertain what you would do…
Sonny watched as Y/N disappeared down the street. He would do anything to keep you safe. He loved you. And not just as a friend, or partner. That was the first time he admitted it to himself. Whatever choice you made, he would have your back. Even if it meant going down with you.
Luis entered the bedroom, loosened his tie and threw it over the chair. “You’re still up. I figured you would be asleep by now.” He dropped a kiss to your lips. Luis finished readying himself for bed while he talked about his day. “Y/N? Did you hear me?”
“I’m sorry. Pre-occupied,” you gave an explanation, shrugging your shoulders. “Um, no. There were no problems with today’s delivery.”
“What’s on your mind?” He sat on the side of the bed. Attentive as always. He tilted your chin. “You can tell me anything.”
Tears welled up in your eyes. Coming clean to Luis in the middle of the night is not what you had planned to do. Since you had the conversation with Sonny last week, it was all you could think about. Doing it now was dangerous but not telling him was just as bad. “What I have to tell you, you’re not going to like it. You’re going to hate me. Hell, you may even-”
“Carino. There’s nothing you could say that would make me hate you,” he interjected.
“I highly doubt that,” you scoffed.
A knock at the bedroom door interrupted your confession. No one ever came to the bedroom door, unless it was serious. “What is it?’ Luis said in an exasperated tone.
“Sir,” Fernando’s muffled voice came through the door. “It’s Carmen.”
Luis and you both rushed from the bed and wrenched open the door. The look on Fernando’s face told you it wasn’t good.
Carmen lay motionless. Her chest rose and fell with the assist of the ventilator. She looked so small in the big bed. You held her hand, gently stroking the back with your thumb as you read from her favorite book of poetry.
Luis went home to shower and take care of a few things. Both of you had been at the hospital for the last three days, pretty much around the clock. It was late. Only you in the room and Cesar was down the hall in the waiting area.
You sat the book down, taking her hand in both of yours. Taking a deep breath you made a late night confession.
The day of Carmen’s funeral was bitter cold with snow on the ground. After the service, Luis had people over to the house. You were making the rounds greeting people, making sure the food was right. Luis had been MIA since you had got home. No one had seen him, including Fernando. You had a pretty good idea where you would find him.
Sonny caught up with you in the hall. “How ya doin’? How’s Luis?”
“Like you care,” you snarked. Sonny’s face fell. “Shit. I’m sorry Sonny. That- I’m doing okay. Carmen was such a good person. Luis is well, it’s a minute to minute.”
“I better go.” He kissed the top of your head.
You watched him retreat down the hall. “Sonny. Thank you.”
He gave you a smile. “Anytime doll.” You returned the smile then was back to your original mission.
“Everyone is asking after you,” you said softly when you entered the library. Luis was sitting in one of the leather chairs, fanning through a book. You sat on the arm of the chair and ran a hand up and down his back.
He nodded his head. “She loved this room. I think she was in here more than her own part of the house.” Luis hung his head, sobbing so hard his body was shaking.
You wrapped your arms around him and kissed his head. He leaned into your body. Tears of your own started rolling from the corners of your eye. Carmen was an extraordinary woman. She accepted you the first time you met her. “Want me to get rid of everyone?” you offered. “We can have this place cleared out in five minutes.” You sniffled and wiped your eyes.
He shook his head. “It’s okay. Just stay by me?”
Later that evening Luis came into the family room. You were curled up in the corner of the couch watching the fire. “Mama said if something happened to her, you were to have this.” He sat a small box in front of your on the coffee table. You gave him a questioning look. “Go ahead. Open it.”
The small box was covered in black velvet and had some age to it. When you opened the box you gasped. “Luis, I can’t…these are the earrings that belonged to your grandmother.”
“She loved you, Y/N. Made me promise to take care of you.” He took your hand. “The other night, when you were sitting with my mom, I was standing just outside the door. I heard what you told her.” His grasp on your hand tightened.
You paled. Your eyes grew big and you swallowed the lump in your throat. Your mouth was moving but no sounds came out. Your mind was racing, your mouth grew dry, you thought you were going to be physically ill.
Luis rose from the couch, letting your hand fall into your lap. He started pacing the room, one hand running through his hair. You sat in silence, watching him, wondering what he was thinking, what he was going to do. Finally, he spoke. “I have most of the answers I need, all but one. Tell me one thing. When did you stop acting?”
You cleared your throat. “About three months in,” your voice was shaky, “I realized I loved you. That has never been an act, Luis. Every ‘I love you’. Every time we made love. It was genuine. And I do love you, Luis.”
He looked over to where you were now standing, unsure whether to believe you. The conflict on his face was evident. He watched as you slowly walked to him. “So you’re just going to give up your life, to be with me?” He sounded surprised. Not many people, other than his mom, had ever sacrificed anything unless it was on their best interest.
“Yes,” you replied in a small voice. “I’m all in if you’ll have me. If you trust-”
Luis’ crashed his lips into yours backing you up against the wall. He pressed his long, hard body flush with yours. His hand held yours above your head, while the other cupped your breast under your shirt. “You. Are. Mine,” he said between kisses to your neck and lips.
“Yes. Yours,” you responded breathlessly.
He grasped your thighs and hoisted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. “Never leave me.”
“Never,” you gasped.
“Are you sure?” Liv asked not believing what she was hearing. She pushed herself up from her desk. “I- I’m speechless.”
“Love will make you do strange things. Make you risk everything you have, your life, friends, job…” Sonny looked down at his folded hands.
“Sonny?”
He looked at Liv and gave her a sad smile. He thought back to the conversation before you and Luis left out of the country…
“I could arrest you right now. Take you in-”
“But you won’t.”
Sonny stared at you. “What about me? What happens to me? I can’t-”
“Come with me, us,” you encouraged. “You are important in my life too.”
For a second, you thought Sonny might take you up on the offer. “I can’t do that, doll. My parents, sisters are here. Plus I took an oath.”
“I understand.” You stretched up to give him a tight hug. “You always have a safe place to land with me. I love you Sonny Carisi.” You kissed him on the lips.
He inhaled your scent. “I love you too.”
SVU addict 