Closure

sonnysdoll:

sonnysdoll:

Prompt: “I thought you loved me.” (#7 from this prompt list)

Pairing: Nick Amaro x Reader

Word Count: 1.1k

Warning(s): Miscarriage/Effects of miscarriage, heartbreak

Requested by @imnotlikeher

This broke my heart to write. Also, this is my first angsty fic so I’m super excited to hear everyone’s thoughts. 

“Just stop. Stop.” Nick stood in front of your front door, blocking your path. You let go of the handle of your suitcase 

“What Nick?” You exclaimed, placing your hands on your hips.

“Just give me a second Y/N, please,” he ran a hand down his face and pinched the bridge of his nose before exhaling. “What can I do? Tell me something I can do to make you stay.”

“That’s just it Nick! You can’t do anything. You think this was a spur of the moment decision? I’ve been thinking of leaving for weeks and I just came to the conclusion that it’s what’s best for both of us.” You told him. It was starting to annoy you how he thought you’d be so careless as to make such a big decision with no thought. After a two-year long relationship, you thought he’d known you better than that.

“Okay,” he drew a long sigh, “Can you at least tell me why?” His voice cracked as he leaned against the kitchen island and stared at you.

“It isn’t working anymore Nick,” you inhaled sharply and looked up as your eyes became glossy, tears threatening to fall. “We haven’t worked for a while. And I tried so hard to convince myself we were fine. So, unbelievably hard. But we aren’t. And there’s no way to fix us.”

He pushed himself off the counter and strode towards you, placing his hands on your arms.

“Look, I love you. I thought you loved me. C’mon, we can make this work. It’ll take a lot of time and effort, but we can do this.”

“I thought I loved you too. And maybe I did in the beginning. But now? This isn’t love. While you may not believe it now, you don’t love me as much as you think you do,” you whispered.

He stepped away from you, visibly wounded by your words. You knew that one of his worst fears was that you never loved him. You’d talked about it at length when you first became serious, and you reassured him many times. That was back when you believed you did.

“You—“ he stopped himself and you could physically see his anger level rising. “You don’t get to tell me how I feel, Y/N! Where the hell is this coming from? We were fine the other day.” He looked genuinely confused and thoroughly pissed off, racking his brain for any warning signs that you felt this way.

“Nick, the last time we’ve had a conversation that lasted longer than a minute was over a week ago. I feel like I’m the only one living here most of the time.” You pointed out, leaving your luggage where it was and moving to sit on the living room couch. You knew you wouldn’t be able to leave anytime soon with the way this conversation was going.

Nick started to talk but you interrupted him.

“I know, work takes so much of your time. But in the past months, we were supposed to buy a house together, go on vacation, and do so much. Things haven’t been the same since…” you trailed off, not sure this was the way you wanted the conversation to go.

“Since what?” Nick questioned, slightly annoyed but eager for you to finish your sentence. He was now standing a couple of feet in front of you with both arms crossed in front of his chest.

“We haven’t been the same since we lost the baby.” You finished, moving your gaze up from the ground to meet his, revealing the tears that had escaped your eyes.

His gaze significantly softened, and he moved over to sit next to you, keeping a reasonable distance between your bodies. 

“We – I thought we handled that,” He reached for your hand before you shot up from the couch and whirled around to face him.

“You don’t just handle a miscarriage, Nick!” You yelled. “Maybe you can, but I can’t get over losing Rose before she even came out of me.” You were sobbing at this point, pushing away any attempts Nick made to console you. 

“Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking I’m still pregnant, or that she’s in the nursery we never got to build. Then, I remember the truth and I feel like I’m going through this all over again. And you know who’s not there? Who’s on a stakeout or drinking or filing paperwork or God knows what else? You.”  You let out a large breath, almost winded from your screaming before starting again. 

“I’m sorry,” Nick started, voice lowered. “I didn’t know you felt like that. But you should know I was affected too. I could hardly keep concentrated on any kid case for months because I kept thinking of her. I couldn’t tell you, because I knew you had it worse. But it hurt going through that alone.”

“That’s what I’m trying to say, don’t you see?” You pleaded. “ You aren’t there for me. And I know. I know you’re doing God’s work out there. You save lives, Nick. Which is why I could never blame you. But I can’t be there for you either, at least not now. I don’t think either of us can move on if we don’t move on from each other.”

Nick stood up, noticeably calmer, and placed his hands on either side of your face.

“Please, don’t do this.” He begged, searching your eyes for any sign of hesitation. He could tell even as he said the words, that you’d already made up your mind. 

“I have to.” you whispered lightly, and he nodded before wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into him tightly. You looped your arms around his neck and buried your head into his shoulder, the last of your tears and a sob escaping you. 

After a minute, you reluctantly let go and he followed suit. You wiped away your tears with the back of your hand and walked a couple feet to your previously abandoned suitcase, taking ahold of the handle.

“Bye Nick,” you turned to face the man you had once thought was the love of your life and gave a weak, teary smile. “Take care.”

He returned a close-lipped smile, and nodded as you went to open the door.

“You too. Bye, Y/N.” 

As you closed the door, you saw Nick sat down on the couch, head buried in his hands.

You pressed your back against the hallway wall and looked up at the ceiling with a sigh. You had no idea where you were going to go from there.

Reblogging for the night crew!