carisi-dreams:

interlude

comes after this, this & this [will update my masterlist tomorrow!]

You bit your lip and scrolled through your messages again. You were the only one in the apartment still awake and even though the couch was comfortable you couldn’t quite get to sleep. Sonny’s recent message had just come through and you hit the button to call him before you even made up your mind. It barely rang one time before Sonny was hastily accepting the call. His breathing sounded ragged and the two of you sat in silence for a long moment before he cleared his throat.

“Are you safe?” Sonny asked in a strained voice and you laughed under your breath before it turned into a sigh.

“Yeah, Sonny. I’m safe,” you said quietly, trying not to wake up Nick’s old lady where she was asleep in her bedroom.

“I know you don’t want to hear this now, but uh, I promise I’d never—ever—ch—” he started in a low voice and you cut him off.

“I’m not ready to have this conversation yet, Sonny. Please,” you begged in a choked up whisper. “I feel like someone put my heart through a meat grinder.” Sonny inhaled shakily and paused.

“I’ll do anything you want to get you to come home. Anything. I swear. I’ll sell my share of the parlor, I’ll—I’ll fucking leave the club. Anything, doll, please just give me som—” Sonny begged and you cleared your throat and looked up towards the ceiling.

“You don’t get to do this right now, Dominick,” you said sharply and Sonny cut himself off abruptly. “I’m hurting right now—I’m hurting. Because of you. Not because of the club or some random person trying to use me to get to you, but because of decisions you made. Because whatever was going on in that head of yours, eating you up, was too hard for you to talk about with me. Now you want to talk, but I don’t have the energy,” you went on in a whisper again. “I’m tired. I’m so very, very tired. You said you wanted to say goodnight. That’s all I called to hear right now.”

There was a rustling on his end and a low voice that must be Nick’s before Sonny said something inaudible in response. More rustling and a vehement hiss before Sonny came back on the line clearly.

“Sorry isn’t enough, but that’s all I can say right now. I—I love you. I love you so fucking much it takes my breath away sometimes…I love you so much that when I’m having a bad day I just make a list of all of the things I love about you. I’m so very, very sorry, doll. I’m sorry I ever made you feel like you weren’t everything to me. Because you are,” Sonny’s voice was low and thick with emotion and you nodded to yourself and bit your cheek hard to keep from crying again. “You need to sleep. Thank you for calling and letting me hear your voice. Can I see you tomorrow in the morning? Come over with Nick?” Sonny asked finally and you licked your lips as you thought it over.

“Yeah…you can come with Nick,” you replied, closing your eyes and tightening your grip on the phone. Sonny hummed and exhaled hard.

“Thank you. Alright, I’ll let you go. Thank you for calling,” he repeated and you nodded even though he couldn’t see it.

“You’re welcome.” The words were stiff on your tongue and you made a displeased face at how formal you sounded.

“I love you,” Sonny reminded you and his voice had a wisp of hopefulness to it.

“Goodnight, Sonny,” you replied and there was a long pause and some more rustling before he cleared his throat again.

“Night, doll. See you in the morning.”

“See you then. Oh and Sonny,” you added before you hung up. He made an inquisitive noise. “I love you.”

I’m wrecked. I feel bad for her 😦 And Sonny.