//Awww… thanks babe! This turned out a little ;onger than I first expected. I too have anxiety/panic attacks, so I understand 100%. Hope things get better for you!//
It had building for a few days. That gnawing, sickening pit in your stomach, the lump in your throat, unable to catch your breath and constantly being on the verge of tears. Focusing on anything for any amount of time was impossible. Usually you could combat it with deep breathing, yoga, but not this time The frustrating part was that everything in your life was going so well. You loved your job and it was very fulfilling, your family was healthy, and the cherry on top was your sweet, wonderful boyfriend, Sonny.
A message from Sonny popped up on your phone screen ‘hey doll. should be at your place in about 1 hour. i have missed you so much. love ya’.
No way he could see you like this, you were a mess. His job was high stress, taxing both mentally and physically, you were not putting your crap on him too.You responded back, ‘not feeling well. rain check?’.
Seconds after texting, your phone rang. “What’s wrong? Stomach bug? Flu? Bad day at work? I can bring you whatever you need” Sonny rapid fired the questions at you. Why did he have to be so good to you? You didn’t deserve it.
In a small voice you said, “no. Nothing like that. I just…” trailing off.
“What’s goin’ on? You sound…off. You know you can talk to me.” His voice concerned.
Feeling your eyes well up with tears you tried to steady your voice. “Sonny, I’m sorry. I just need to be alone.”
There was a long silence before he answered back. “If that’s what you need, doll. I love you. So very much.”
“I love you too”, your voice was shaky, barely able to talk and you hung up.
Making your way to the kitchen, you grabbed the wine that you had chilling in the fridge, poured a glass, swallowed it down in one gulp, then poured another. Switching on the TV for noise you plopped down on the couch. ‘Ok. You can get through this. Mind over matter. Take a deep breath. Your mind is our own worst enemy’, you kept saying this over and over. All the while tears were streaming down your face.
The jiggling of the lock pulled you out of your mediation. Sonny walked into your living room. One look at you and he rushed to your side. “What happened? Are you hurt?”, he grabbed your face.
“Sonny. You’re here.” Falling into his arms, you let out big, heaving sobs.
He pulled you into his lap, encircling you on his arms, “Shhh… You’re ok. I’m here.. I got you doll. I love you.” You buried your face in his neck and he gave you kisses on top of the head.
After a few minutes you sobbing turned to quiet sniffles. Sonny took your chin between his fingers, raising your face your eyes met with his and placed a tender kiss to your lips. Looking down you saw that you had left big tear and mascara stains. “Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry! I’ll buy you a new shirt.”
“Never really liked this shirt anyway”, giving you a big grin showcasing his dimples. A small giggle escaped you lips.
“C’mon. I know what you need.” He sat you down and took your hand leading you into the bathroom. He turned on the faucet waiting for the water to warm, then put on a bath bomb. He took off his jacket, then unbuttoned his vest and paced them on the bathroom stand. You started undressing and got in the tub. It felt so good.
“You’re not getting in?” “I will in just a minute. I’ll be right back.”
He returned as promised a couple minutes later. He finished undressing and slipped behind you into the tub. He tangled his legs with your and wrapped you up in his arms. You sighed and melted into his chest. He made small circles on your arm with his thumb. He waited a few minutes, “Wanna talk about it? I know it’s more than just a bad day.”
Taking a deep breath you explain your anxiety and depression. “I’ve wanted to tell you but you already deal with so much in your job. I just didn’t want to dump on you.”
He shifted so you were looking eye to eye. “First of all please never think that. You can tell me anything. I want to know when something is bothering you. I want to be the one you turn to. You mean the world to me. Your happiness is important to me. I love you more than anything in this world.”
“Thank you Sonny. That means so much to me. You are the first person I have ever shared this with.” He pulls your face close to his and gives a passionate kiss. The doorbell interrupts your make out session. He scrambled out of the tub and you admired the view.
“See something you like, ma’am?” You bite your bottom lip and nodded. He laughed as he wrapped a towel around his waist and jogged to the living room to get the door. The water was cooling off,so you pulled plug and got out as well.
Pulling your robe on, you made your way back to the living room. Sonny was in the kitchen. “Mmmm… what smells so good?”
“I ordered fro your favorite Chinese restaurant. He grinned.
“ Babe that is so sweet, Sonny. Thank you. For everything this evening”, you wrapped your arms around his waist, then stood on tip toe give him a kiss.
Looking down at you he said, “C,mon. Let’s go watch some trash TV, binge on Chinese, drink some wine and pass out on the couch.”
You laugh, “Quite the romantic, Detective.”
“Only the best for my girl” and you both start laughing. It felt good to laugh. You had work still to do, but knowing Sonny was in your corner made facing your problems a little less scary.
SVU addict 